The Lease Has Ended. Thunderbirds are... Thunderbirds are where exactly? Ah, down the pub!
This was yesterday's comment on Facebook when I woke up needing to be positive, having spent Thursday night coasting the hard, brittle edge of my life.
It's when I posted on social networking site the week before that it took courage. Or was it courage? Was it desperation? Isolation? Just fecking giving up?
We all know that not every friend on facebook is a "friend". Perhaps we all have some one, or someones, from our past that we accepted as "friends" in order to let go of that past. Well I have them anyway and I've resisted posting about my life on Facebook because I didn't want these one or two individuals to know that what I have become is a single mother on benefits wanting a council flat. I'd rather I was known as a billionaire philanthropist.
Oh you know what? Sod it. I am what I am, I'm going through what I'm going through, take it or leave it. I broke the news with this:
Awaiting bailiffs order and son's dad has thrown me a court order. Pants. Spotty, dotty, stripey, all kinds...may as well come clean....
It's not hundreds that commented, it's a few and many of those didn't comment on my message. They sent an email, they telephoned me.
A couple wrote on the comment they didn't know how to help. That's the problem when someone's in a shit situation isn't it, it's hard to know what to do or what to say.
I told them they were helping. The fact that they are there. They don't have to do anything.
Yesterday, three phone calls: One from Canada, one from Denmark and one from Spain.
Thanks guys, it means alot xxx
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Friday, 6 August 2010
Cot Beds
When my son sleeps in his bed, his little feet dangle off the end.
When I sleep in my son's bed I curl up like a foetus.
I am my child, I am my mother.
My boy is coming back next week.
I can't wait.
When I sleep in my son's bed I curl up like a foetus.
I am my child, I am my mother.
My boy is coming back next week.
I can't wait.
Parental Responsibilty Agreements
I want the parental responsibility for my child on medical grounds. I am currently the only person who can sign for him in an emergency. He is in Ireland. I am not there.
The Foca wants the parental responsibility agreement because the piece of paper will make him "feel like a father". Without it he is "failing as a father."
Never, never once has he sited the reason he needs it for our child.
Years ago a solicitor told me he could get parental responsibility without my agreement. She'd said then that he would have to pay for it.
My signature is free.
Why he wants it now, when I'm expected a bailiff's order is because he wants to hurt me.
There are men like that. Not all men are like that.
The Foca wants the parental responsibility agreement because the piece of paper will make him "feel like a father". Without it he is "failing as a father."
Never, never once has he sited the reason he needs it for our child.
Years ago a solicitor told me he could get parental responsibility without my agreement. She'd said then that he would have to pay for it.
My signature is free.
Why he wants it now, when I'm expected a bailiff's order is because he wants to hurt me.
There are men like that. Not all men are like that.
Family Law
Went to see a solicitor yesterday regarding this court order from the Foca. I told her I didn't want to attend.
She said I didn't have to if I consented, I'd just have to sign the paper. If I didn't consent I would need to attend, to state my case.
It's tricky though you see.
I absolutely consent signing the parental responsibility agreement for my child.
I absolutely do not consent signing it for the Foca.
She said that later I could apply for residency if he started posing problems.
I still don't want to go, I said. It's not a good time.
She told me to write a letter.
I came out of the solicitor's office and tears rolled out my eyes in streams, my eyes wide open and clear. As though my bones were weeping releasing pain, the sorrow at source. I resisted drinking myself for I didn't taste salty or acidic.
I wrote the first draft. It's really difficult.
She said I didn't have to if I consented, I'd just have to sign the paper. If I didn't consent I would need to attend, to state my case.
It's tricky though you see.
I absolutely consent signing the parental responsibility agreement for my child.
I absolutely do not consent signing it for the Foca.
She said that later I could apply for residency if he started posing problems.
I still don't want to go, I said. It's not a good time.
She told me to write a letter.
I came out of the solicitor's office and tears rolled out my eyes in streams, my eyes wide open and clear. As though my bones were weeping releasing pain, the sorrow at source. I resisted drinking myself for I didn't taste salty or acidic.
I wrote the first draft. It's really difficult.
Thursday, 5 August 2010
The Last Email
Dear [Allocations],
The lease on my tenancy ends today. I wait for that bailiffs order as though it's the date set for my execution.
I just want you to know, that when the Camden New Journal published my letter last week, it was not directed at you. I write to you alot but I also write to others. I have been compulsively writing for 18 months.
It was just another letter to the system, to who knows who, who knows where, hopefully someone who cares. I could not direct it at you, you have been very kind and I love my son too much.
I wrote to David Cameron last month. I attached the article I wrote in the Ham and High. I asked him to meet me and to get back to me by today. Yesterday I read the devastating news in the Guardian. The Times carried it on their front page too, this abolishment of secure tenancies replaced with short-term leases.
I will not give up hope; not for my child, not for anybody else.
I just want you to understand, I mean no harm.
Kind regards
Sue de Nim
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw
I am still Peter Gabriel. I am still Kate Bush.
The lease on my tenancy ends today. I wait for that bailiffs order as though it's the date set for my execution.
I just want you to know, that when the Camden New Journal published my letter last week, it was not directed at you. I write to you alot but I also write to others. I have been compulsively writing for 18 months.
It was just another letter to the system, to who knows who, who knows where, hopefully someone who cares. I could not direct it at you, you have been very kind and I love my son too much.
I wrote to David Cameron last month. I attached the article I wrote in the Ham and High. I asked him to meet me and to get back to me by today. Yesterday I read the devastating news in the Guardian. The Times carried it on their front page too, this abolishment of secure tenancies replaced with short-term leases.
I will not give up hope; not for my child, not for anybody else.
I just want you to understand, I mean no harm.
Kind regards
Sue de Nim
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw
I am still Peter Gabriel. I am still Kate Bush.
The Lease Has Ended
Papier Mache Tower
London
17 July 2010
Dear David Cameron,
Please could you schedule an appointment to see me in the next few weeks?
It is important I speak to you for my child’s future is at stake.
The lease ends on our tenancy on August 5th. I know nothing more, simply that the council will not act in my son’s best interests when we are evicted.
Time is slipping away very quickly so if your secretary could call me on 1234 or email me at xyz.com, I would be truly grateful.
A policeman told me to send you my article when I cycled to parliament to ask how I might lobby you.
I look forward to hearing from your team and meeting you.
Yours sincerely,
Sue de Nim
There are those who say he will not meet me but I will not give up hope.
London
17 July 2010
Dear David Cameron,
Please could you schedule an appointment to see me in the next few weeks?
It is important I speak to you for my child’s future is at stake.
The lease ends on our tenancy on August 5th. I know nothing more, simply that the council will not act in my son’s best interests when we are evicted.
Time is slipping away very quickly so if your secretary could call me on 1234 or email me at xyz.com, I would be truly grateful.
A policeman told me to send you my article when I cycled to parliament to ask how I might lobby you.
I look forward to hearing from your team and meeting you.
Yours sincerely,
Sue de Nim
There are those who say he will not meet me but I will not give up hope.
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