A good documentary from Panorama on Wednesday - Council Housing - cheats and victims which gave the nation a clear idea about what a colossal mess housing is in.
Whether it's social housing and the lack of it or private housing and the expense or sub satisfactory repairs of it or those that sublet their council flats and others who will go to all kinds of lengths to buy someone else's tenancy; housing not introduced by Kirsty or Phil is slowly making it into prime time viewing slots.
Given the situation is going to get worse,this is a good thing.
In its hour, Richard Bilton, the narrator, managed to explore the issue of priority. Who gets the council flat? Not the pregnant woman privately renting with her partner but the childless couple living with their parents. Meanwhile the single children living at home aren't getting a look in either.
Amongst all the people interviewed, there wasn't a single mother amongst them.
Why not?
Are single mothers in council flats already? Always the first to be prioritised?
I'm not so you know that assumption to be false (I hope)
Imagine they'd approached me and I'd agreed to be in the story...
Filmed in this luxury flat I might have, probably would have, justified my existence by showing all the letters I wrote to politicians; the articles I wrote, the postcard I sent.
Would I have wept? Would I have wept at the futility of it all?
Probably not; I'd be too busy shitting my pants!
Friday, 6 May 2011
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Why do we blog?
I may come back to this. You know why I blog.
It started out as a kind of case study, ended up being a kind of therapy too but what sets it apart from other written mediums is that it is public.
Why do we write things publicly?
What do we hope to achieve?
When I stopped blogging in November and had a notebook instead, what, what propelled me to come back here?
The desire to inform? The desire to teach? The need to scream? All of these things? Statutorily homeless people, particularly perhaps if they are on benefits, are so misunderstood by society.
Does my one, point of view or experience enable people or you to see the wider picture?
I love blogging. I absolutely love it. I love experimenting with writing. I love experimenting with writing in a public field. No comments doesn't mean my stuff isn't accepted, for me it means it is! I'm only practicing and no-one minds!
Well, perhaps I mind a bit as the mess just accumulates around me and my mind is too busy to look for courses to do training or jobs to send in applications on the off chance. This is like a job, the best kind.
I've told you I can't afford my life. You know all this stuff now, what more is there to tell?
Quite alot really but I'm tired of getting nowhere with the challenges I set myself.
Neither you nor me know that I will get nowhere when I start telling you I've done something.
Oh well, that's not just me is it? Lots of people try try and try again.
Why am I still blogging?
Is it nearly time to nip hope in the bud?
It's hard to do that, very hard because hope is always the last thing that's left.
Perhaps I blog so I can tell you this.
It started out as a kind of case study, ended up being a kind of therapy too but what sets it apart from other written mediums is that it is public.
Why do we write things publicly?
What do we hope to achieve?
When I stopped blogging in November and had a notebook instead, what, what propelled me to come back here?
The desire to inform? The desire to teach? The need to scream? All of these things? Statutorily homeless people, particularly perhaps if they are on benefits, are so misunderstood by society.
Does my one, point of view or experience enable people or you to see the wider picture?
I love blogging. I absolutely love it. I love experimenting with writing. I love experimenting with writing in a public field. No comments doesn't mean my stuff isn't accepted, for me it means it is! I'm only practicing and no-one minds!
Well, perhaps I mind a bit as the mess just accumulates around me and my mind is too busy to look for courses to do training or jobs to send in applications on the off chance. This is like a job, the best kind.
I've told you I can't afford my life. You know all this stuff now, what more is there to tell?
Quite alot really but I'm tired of getting nowhere with the challenges I set myself.
Neither you nor me know that I will get nowhere when I start telling you I've done something.
Oh well, that's not just me is it? Lots of people try try and try again.
Why am I still blogging?
Is it nearly time to nip hope in the bud?
It's hard to do that, very hard because hope is always the last thing that's left.
Perhaps I blog so I can tell you this.
The Passing of Time
The passing of time in my life can be defined in two ways.
Birthdays
Blogging
These two things are coming together for me.
I am soon to pass over to a new decade in my life.
It feels quite massive.
The changes you notice aren't just physical to do with you, but physical also to your environment. In ten years the things that change, the people who come, who go, who are still around.
I recently became aware that this blog has captured the last two and half years of an incredibly difficult decade made beautiful by my child.
Who'd've thought, ten years ago, lying on Clapham Common with some guy I was on a date with who asked me if I was only going out with guys because I was desperate for a baby (yes he so did and I was like 'no way!') that I would be lying on Hampstead Heath ten years later not with just any guy...
I'm excited about turning another 'ty.
Oh fuck yes.. it's a new start, a blank canvas...Me and my son, I start with that.
I'll have no hopes, or dreams or expectations this time, you know why
Nor do I think I'll have a blog with a deep blue background
I've got to leave everything behind, all hopes, the dreams, the expectations and move on
And blogspot/Stiggers, that means you too
You were only ever a case study and all case studies have to end sometime, don't they?
Maybe that's why I'm not sleeping at night...
Birthdays
Blogging
These two things are coming together for me.
I am soon to pass over to a new decade in my life.
It feels quite massive.
The changes you notice aren't just physical to do with you, but physical also to your environment. In ten years the things that change, the people who come, who go, who are still around.
I recently became aware that this blog has captured the last two and half years of an incredibly difficult decade made beautiful by my child.
Who'd've thought, ten years ago, lying on Clapham Common with some guy I was on a date with who asked me if I was only going out with guys because I was desperate for a baby (yes he so did and I was like 'no way!') that I would be lying on Hampstead Heath ten years later not with just any guy...
I'm excited about turning another 'ty.
Oh fuck yes.. it's a new start, a blank canvas...Me and my son, I start with that.
I'll have no hopes, or dreams or expectations this time, you know why
Nor do I think I'll have a blog with a deep blue background
I've got to leave everything behind, all hopes, the dreams, the expectations and move on
And blogspot/Stiggers, that means you too
You were only ever a case study and all case studies have to end sometime, don't they?
Maybe that's why I'm not sleeping at night...
Birthdays and Reunions
Back in January, an old, old friend from the School That Kicked Me Out, posted a message on Facebook suggesting that the Class Of The Last Millenium reunite, this year.
Ooh blimey! Haven't seen some of these women since the day I left the place. Others I have. It's going to be wierd and with any luck wild (one married a banker from KPMG I'm told and now lives in a 14 bed mansion... another pays someone £50 to sew nametapes onto her children's clothes...different world from my one must say... friend who was kicked out with me was a single mum then met a guy and had two sets of twins! It is going to be mental!)
Anyway, this reunion is planned the weekend after my Big Birthday Decade Change.
I wanted to mark my Big Birthday Decade Change but didn't know whether to book a place and have an evening do or something with my son. The decision got taken out of my hand.
I'm going to see it in. I'm going to wave goodbye to this decade you've caught the end of by having one final Picnic on the Heath.
The stress has already set in. In the dead of last night, not shadows that pursued me but shadows instead seemingly pressing down on me. I wished my son was next to me so I could feel some emotional connection, well, feel anything calm but alas...
I am inviting people from all strands of my life to this thing including some of the girls from Yestercentury...
Aaaargh!!!
Pressure!!
I'd say it beats the weight I feel being on benefits but you know, it's kind of same same...
I want to start drinking now...
Oh Nico Teen Nico Teen why did I forsake you?!
It's all good...
People, friends, celebrating...
It's all good...
Eek!
Ooh blimey! Haven't seen some of these women since the day I left the place. Others I have. It's going to be wierd and with any luck wild (one married a banker from KPMG I'm told and now lives in a 14 bed mansion... another pays someone £50 to sew nametapes onto her children's clothes...different world from my one must say... friend who was kicked out with me was a single mum then met a guy and had two sets of twins! It is going to be mental!)
Anyway, this reunion is planned the weekend after my Big Birthday Decade Change.
I wanted to mark my Big Birthday Decade Change but didn't know whether to book a place and have an evening do or something with my son. The decision got taken out of my hand.
I'm going to see it in. I'm going to wave goodbye to this decade you've caught the end of by having one final Picnic on the Heath.
The stress has already set in. In the dead of last night, not shadows that pursued me but shadows instead seemingly pressing down on me. I wished my son was next to me so I could feel some emotional connection, well, feel anything calm but alas...
I am inviting people from all strands of my life to this thing including some of the girls from Yestercentury...
Aaaargh!!!
Pressure!!
I'd say it beats the weight I feel being on benefits but you know, it's kind of same same...
I want to start drinking now...
Oh Nico Teen Nico Teen why did I forsake you?!
It's all good...
People, friends, celebrating...
It's all good...
Eek!
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Pursued by Shadows
Two nights ago, not last night thank goodness I dreamt I was being chased.
I don't know by who or by what but the seizure in my chest told me I was terrified.
I dived under a stationary car as whatever encircled it, and encircled it and then I woke up.
I consulted google to find out what it meant (though pretty self explanatory really)
Chase dreams are one of several common dream themes, stemming from feelings of anxiety in your waking life...Your actions in the dream parallel how you would respond to pressure and cope with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, your dream indicates that you have a tendency to run away and avoid the issue. Ask yourself who is chasing you, so that you can gain a better understanding and insight on the source of your fears and anxieties.
The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent an aspect of yourself. Your own feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, and possibly love, can manifest itself as the threatening figure. Or the shadowy figure can symbolize the rejected characteristics of your Self. You may be projecting these feelings onto the unknown chaser. Next time you have a dream of being chased, turn around and confront your pursuer. Ask them why they are chasing you. What are you trying to run from? (www.dreammoods.com)
I was too scared to confront my pursuer. Is it because I'm so unwilling to confront my life?
I have to go to the Housing Benefits office and tell them my rent's been increased. I don't want to do this.
I have to send the electricity company evidence of all my benefits. It's not enough that I just fill the form stating what I get a week, I have to find and photocopy proof of child tax credits, child benefits, housing and income support and goodness knows what else.
Like vultures onto your life, picking at all flesh.
Perhaps I'm just tired. Supersonically tired of this aspect of my life and there's nothing I can do except put one foot infront of the other and do what I have to do.
Any depressed person can tell you that this is sometimes very hard; life can seem exceptionally heavy at times.
I will confront my pursuer next time.
It's only a dream afterall, isn't it?
I don't know by who or by what but the seizure in my chest told me I was terrified.
I dived under a stationary car as whatever encircled it, and encircled it and then I woke up.
I consulted google to find out what it meant (though pretty self explanatory really)
Chase dreams are one of several common dream themes, stemming from feelings of anxiety in your waking life...Your actions in the dream parallel how you would respond to pressure and cope with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, your dream indicates that you have a tendency to run away and avoid the issue. Ask yourself who is chasing you, so that you can gain a better understanding and insight on the source of your fears and anxieties.
The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent an aspect of yourself. Your own feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, and possibly love, can manifest itself as the threatening figure. Or the shadowy figure can symbolize the rejected characteristics of your Self. You may be projecting these feelings onto the unknown chaser. Next time you have a dream of being chased, turn around and confront your pursuer. Ask them why they are chasing you. What are you trying to run from? (www.dreammoods.com)
I was too scared to confront my pursuer. Is it because I'm so unwilling to confront my life?
I have to go to the Housing Benefits office and tell them my rent's been increased. I don't want to do this.
I have to send the electricity company evidence of all my benefits. It's not enough that I just fill the form stating what I get a week, I have to find and photocopy proof of child tax credits, child benefits, housing and income support and goodness knows what else.
Like vultures onto your life, picking at all flesh.
Perhaps I'm just tired. Supersonically tired of this aspect of my life and there's nothing I can do except put one foot infront of the other and do what I have to do.
Any depressed person can tell you that this is sometimes very hard; life can seem exceptionally heavy at times.
I will confront my pursuer next time.
It's only a dream afterall, isn't it?
Osama bin laiden in the Sea?
On first hearing the news yesterday afternoon that Osama bin Laden had been killed by American forces, I went to Facebook and asked:
"Is it true?"
Dumped in the ocean? No direct evidence apart from bloodied sheets?
I am someone who no longer believes anything she's told. I am also someone who is so incredibly gullible she believes everything she's told.
Anyway, much of the world is delighted. If it is true, so am I (though I'm against the death penalty - lock up in a dark cell forever to deny them a life I say). It's taken long enough to find the orchestrator of so much destruction.
I can only hope there aren't reprisals but there's bound to be. It'll add to the catalogue of horror we are told about daily on the news.
The World is weeping, fighting, dying, at war in endless ever decreasing circles
I guess that does make evil people easier to find and bring to account...
Well, you hope so anyway
"Is it true?"
Dumped in the ocean? No direct evidence apart from bloodied sheets?
I am someone who no longer believes anything she's told. I am also someone who is so incredibly gullible she believes everything she's told.
Anyway, much of the world is delighted. If it is true, so am I (though I'm against the death penalty - lock up in a dark cell forever to deny them a life I say). It's taken long enough to find the orchestrator of so much destruction.
I can only hope there aren't reprisals but there's bound to be. It'll add to the catalogue of horror we are told about daily on the news.
The World is weeping, fighting, dying, at war in endless ever decreasing circles
I guess that does make evil people easier to find and bring to account...
Well, you hope so anyway
Republican or Monarchist?
As the dust now settles on the Royal Wedding (has it? Or is it still polished in the nation's psyche?)I'll blog a final word on well, what I think of the Royal Family in Britain today.
OK, it's not my word, it's someone elses, but this weekend, as I sought to discover what I think, I accepted that I am not a Republican but I'm not an out and out Monarchist either.
There are many things that irritate me about the Royal Family but there are more things that might irritate me if our policitians were the only "face" of Britain.
I also think it's quite funny that without fully realising it, I labelled the Royal Wedding under "Life of a Parasite" when I wrote about it last week in reference to my own life.
The taxpayer funds much of the Royal's existence, much like the taxpayer funds much of mine.
Hmmm!
Anyway, I found this article on Sunday, written by a Scot, about what the Monarchy tells us about Britain today.
I liked it. As the dust doesn't settle on the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (for she is not a Princess as I stated earlier!) it's a good look at what this happy couple might mean to us (before they jet off on their £4000 a night honeymoon - I didn't realise a pilot's salary was so good!)
http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/home-news/the-royal-wedding-what-does-it-tell-us-about-britain-today-1.1098893
OK, it's not my word, it's someone elses, but this weekend, as I sought to discover what I think, I accepted that I am not a Republican but I'm not an out and out Monarchist either.
There are many things that irritate me about the Royal Family but there are more things that might irritate me if our policitians were the only "face" of Britain.
I also think it's quite funny that without fully realising it, I labelled the Royal Wedding under "Life of a Parasite" when I wrote about it last week in reference to my own life.
The taxpayer funds much of the Royal's existence, much like the taxpayer funds much of mine.
Hmmm!
Anyway, I found this article on Sunday, written by a Scot, about what the Monarchy tells us about Britain today.
I liked it. As the dust doesn't settle on the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (for she is not a Princess as I stated earlier!) it's a good look at what this happy couple might mean to us (before they jet off on their £4000 a night honeymoon - I didn't realise a pilot's salary was so good!)
http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/home-news/the-royal-wedding-what-does-it-tell-us-about-britain-today-1.1098893
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