"It's better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours and it cannot be taken from you by angels or demons, heaven or hell.
Buddha said that!"
Sent to me by a friend on Monday evening. An athiest friend I might add!
Today it makes total sense to me as at some point it may do to you.
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Dreams of bats in white porcelain bowls
Last night I was woken up by a flutter and vision of bats trying to fly out of one of my white porcelain bowls. I didn't let it freak me out. I'm going to the London School of Psychic Studies today. They will help me. (They have to help me) I'm really scared actually, so good job the doc has signed me off signing on, noting 'anxiety' as the cause.
Bats
To see a bat in your dream, symbolizes uncleanness, demons, and annoyances. Alternatively, bats represent rebirth and unrealized potential. You need to let go of old habits. Your current path is not compatible with your new growth and new goals. It may also mean some unknown situation and how you are blindly entering into a situation or deal. You need to evaluate the facts more carefully. The dream may also been a pun on feeling "batty" or feeling crazy.
To dream of a white bat, signifies death of a family member. To dream of a black bat, signifies personal disaster.
To see a vampire bat in your dream, represents that a person in your life may be draining your of self-confidence and/or your resources.
According to Chinese folklore, if you see five bats in your dream, then it symbolizes good health, longevity, pace, wealth, and happiness.
Wish I'd counted how many now!!
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes/animals.htm
Bats
To see a bat in your dream, symbolizes uncleanness, demons, and annoyances. Alternatively, bats represent rebirth and unrealized potential. You need to let go of old habits. Your current path is not compatible with your new growth and new goals. It may also mean some unknown situation and how you are blindly entering into a situation or deal. You need to evaluate the facts more carefully. The dream may also been a pun on feeling "batty" or feeling crazy.
To dream of a white bat, signifies death of a family member. To dream of a black bat, signifies personal disaster.
To see a vampire bat in your dream, represents that a person in your life may be draining your of self-confidence and/or your resources.
According to Chinese folklore, if you see five bats in your dream, then it symbolizes good health, longevity, pace, wealth, and happiness.
Wish I'd counted how many now!!
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes/animals.htm
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
The location of old ghosts
The second email I wrote after my first 'thanks' one. Sometimes it's not good to rake over the past, but other times you have no choice but to. So, a little bit of history for ya, potted so it's makes sense (ha ha ha):
Tuesday, whenever that was. Oh yeah, yesterday!
Hi [Member of Staff],
I don't know if the college is in touch with [my son's] father and it's really not my place to interfere with that. It's between him and the school. I'll be seeing him later and if I get the chance, will probably ask him. He wasn't happy there either. I will tell him his biology teacher remembers him well.
Not really confessing, ok yes confessing but Sunday a mad thing happened to me as I walked through my old corridor. I felt the flutter of a ghost inside me. Only for an instant but it made me smile as better in me that out I thought at the time, so fearful am of, well, ghouls! Wonderful lunch followed, chatting to Mr [Brother] who's daughter was the year below my sister at the school they went to. Great afternoon. Great, all of it. You know. Good chat with Mr [Told Me My Ally Wasn't Dead]. Lift to the station! Briliant.
Told all on facebook - brilliant! Some even said they wished they'd come (not my year though!)
Revenge of the tears last night. Oh my..for the break up of my family; [my son's] dad was my boyfriend at school, all for two minutes but still, the bullying I allowed to happen with some girls and finally of course, that the flutter happened outside the room where I contemplated suicide in [Lower 6]. Three breakdowns/breakthroughs I've had since I left [That School] that now I know to be 'spiritual emergencies'. Housing problems led me to suicide dreams that I am now able to control. Over the next day or two I'm going to get in touch with a healer because I want to understand what happened to me. I'd said to somebody before going back to [That School] that I was going to reclaim myself because I lost myself there. Well myself has certainly seemed to have found me and the tears are what I told myself last night, another much needed healing process.
I took a giant step to come back. Infact, I think I was pushed. I think I was pushed by God. I didn't have to listen of course but it's always easier if you do isn't it?
So I don't know (I have a political party called the I Don't Know Party!). I don't know if I will come back or whether I will hold the memory of last weekend as a perfect memory. I have no idea. I'm getting dreams to write to one of the girls.[Decades past] though, people's lives have moved on. Mine has to. Why wake things up?
I will send the cheque, thank you so much for the puddings;) Please be patient though, I am quite rubbish and forgetful but you will get it. If I come I may come with the cash.
Sorry about this email. I'm aware I don't have to explain anything or justify anything but I've started a journey, long long ago and well, I've got to take it to the end. I'm sure I'll start enjoying it soon! I did say to [my son) yesterday I might come back next year and he asked if he could come along. He is a great little boy, I am very lucky to have him.
I won't give my mailing address now but I may do in the future.
I'm aware I'm being how I'm being and please don't mind me because I'm used to it!
I'll be in touch again. Please thank [Vintage Priest] for his time the other day and for the offer of returning.
Best wishes,
Sue de Nim
Tuesday, whenever that was. Oh yeah, yesterday!
Hi [Member of Staff],
I don't know if the college is in touch with [my son's] father and it's really not my place to interfere with that. It's between him and the school. I'll be seeing him later and if I get the chance, will probably ask him. He wasn't happy there either. I will tell him his biology teacher remembers him well.
Not really confessing, ok yes confessing but Sunday a mad thing happened to me as I walked through my old corridor. I felt the flutter of a ghost inside me. Only for an instant but it made me smile as better in me that out I thought at the time, so fearful am of, well, ghouls! Wonderful lunch followed, chatting to Mr [Brother] who's daughter was the year below my sister at the school they went to. Great afternoon. Great, all of it. You know. Good chat with Mr [Told Me My Ally Wasn't Dead]. Lift to the station! Briliant.
Told all on facebook - brilliant! Some even said they wished they'd come (not my year though!)
Revenge of the tears last night. Oh my..for the break up of my family; [my son's] dad was my boyfriend at school, all for two minutes but still, the bullying I allowed to happen with some girls and finally of course, that the flutter happened outside the room where I contemplated suicide in [Lower 6]. Three breakdowns/breakthroughs I've had since I left [That School] that now I know to be 'spiritual emergencies'. Housing problems led me to suicide dreams that I am now able to control. Over the next day or two I'm going to get in touch with a healer because I want to understand what happened to me. I'd said to somebody before going back to [That School] that I was going to reclaim myself because I lost myself there. Well myself has certainly seemed to have found me and the tears are what I told myself last night, another much needed healing process.
I took a giant step to come back. Infact, I think I was pushed. I think I was pushed by God. I didn't have to listen of course but it's always easier if you do isn't it?
So I don't know (I have a political party called the I Don't Know Party!). I don't know if I will come back or whether I will hold the memory of last weekend as a perfect memory. I have no idea. I'm getting dreams to write to one of the girls.[Decades past] though, people's lives have moved on. Mine has to. Why wake things up?
I will send the cheque, thank you so much for the puddings;) Please be patient though, I am quite rubbish and forgetful but you will get it. If I come I may come with the cash.
Sorry about this email. I'm aware I don't have to explain anything or justify anything but I've started a journey, long long ago and well, I've got to take it to the end. I'm sure I'll start enjoying it soon! I did say to [my son) yesterday I might come back next year and he asked if he could come along. He is a great little boy, I am very lucky to have him.
I won't give my mailing address now but I may do in the future.
I'm aware I'm being how I'm being and please don't mind me because I'm used to it!
I'll be in touch again. Please thank [Vintage Priest] for his time the other day and for the offer of returning.
Best wishes,
Sue de Nim
Old ghosts
If I had more than two tapes in the bedroom on the corridor at the Shit School I really shouldn't call a Shit School anymore, (later I was moved to the stairwell) then I can't remember.
On facebook I posted Bat out of Hell but I think I've referenced that song on here, to do with housing.
A great album that Meatloaf album. Some great tracks. Stiggers picked this one for you today. I used to cry out loud to it:
On facebook I posted Bat out of Hell but I think I've referenced that song on here, to do with housing.
A great album that Meatloaf album. Some great tracks. Stiggers picked this one for you today. I used to cry out loud to it:
Awakening Reunions
I can't articulate about the reunion, just to say it was magical. Really. From the first direct train getting me and my son to the church on time to be given a lift back to the station minutes before our carriage home. So much inbetween. This is what I recorded on facebook as I'd told friends there I was frightened so wanted to reconnect there first. What I will say is that I believe my blogging days as Stigmum's conduit will end soon. Sure, I'm sad about that but it has to be done.
Sunday 13th Nov 9pm on my homepage
Il reunion was brilliant, wicked, fantastic, mind blowing! More surreal than surreal, for I've never been to one like it, nor will I ever again; there was not one person from my year there!! Year above, year below, but mine?!Nope! I tell ya, flying in the face of your fears... well, I've got a nice large glass of vino to keep me grounded, else I might fly right away!
(10 comments)
In response to the Facebook Event Creator's "How was it guys" Monday 14th Nov
It was brilliant! The girls' area is now a boys area...As I walked through it I sensed all the ghosts inside me which was quite funny believe it or not! Our common room a staff common room now. Old teaching allies who are not dead like I'd heard one was! The Mass was amazing and later hilarious, even [Vintage Priest] laughed when [my son] banged his head against the 150 year old relic [ of saint]. Didn't make it to the rugby, or behind the chapel to join some smokers;) There were only a few of us there and it was great to see you/them. Great vibes basically from a school that has haunted so many of us. Will I go again? Dunno! Maybe!
(9 comments) Two guys including Luke wrote they wished they'd come having read that
On my homepage, to my friend friends
You might think I'm abit odd but yesterday when I walked along the corridor of my old living area (which is now a boys living area) I felt my ghosts fluttering inside me! Only for a moment. Then I tried the door to my old room, not used by any person now and it was locked and to the old common room (now for staff) and it was locked and to the toilets where some of us would smoke up by the fans, and it was locked. Just remembering it this morning! I don't think I'm odd btw, bit mad maybe, but not odd!
(14 comment conversation follows between me and an Old Boy after the post I'm posting next)
I'm thinking of deleting my last comment but I'm not going to. I simply failed to get across that my ghostly experience was funny (shame you can't use italics on fb, or can you and I haven't figured it out yet...;))
A primary school friend and a girl I worked with in Japan 'Like' this.
Highlight of yesterday was [my son] accidently headbutting a 150 year old Relic in the old school chapel. The priest laughed and I sniggered in exactly the same way as I would try to control my sniggers back in the days before I was forever (not, clearly) banned from the place!
Comments that follow
I think that counts as an extra blessing for [your son] :) From an Old Girl
Monday at 12:11pm · Like
Me Yeah! And inadvertently, I like to think a message to me too! It is all Light. Or at least, it should be...!
Monday at 12:14pm · Like
I felt a bit like that when my daughter did a poo on the side of the croquet lawn at [the school which kicked you out]...
Monday at 4:36pm · Like · 1
Me: Ha ha ha that's hilarious [G}, makes me think revenge is a dish which will be served up by our children, whether we like it, or plan it or not!!
Monday at 8:35pm · Like · 2 (though I wished I hadn't commented and kept the blessing thought instead of the revenge thought because:
It's been the Revenge of the Tears ever since
I will blog about it the best way I know how (or the best way Stiggers tells me) then leave this board
I am only writing about this experience because I believe it has some value for someone. It is hard though, I don't know what to tell you to expect.
"You're the real deal" had said a member of staff at the school
"Raw deal you mean, ha ha ha ha ha!"
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoooooo, I love blogging as Stigmum but I'm going to have to start over, with a different username, but I know just the one!!!
Sunday 13th Nov 9pm on my homepage
Il reunion was brilliant, wicked, fantastic, mind blowing! More surreal than surreal, for I've never been to one like it, nor will I ever again; there was not one person from my year there!! Year above, year below, but mine?!Nope! I tell ya, flying in the face of your fears... well, I've got a nice large glass of vino to keep me grounded, else I might fly right away!
(10 comments)
In response to the Facebook Event Creator's "How was it guys" Monday 14th Nov
It was brilliant! The girls' area is now a boys area...As I walked through it I sensed all the ghosts inside me which was quite funny believe it or not! Our common room a staff common room now. Old teaching allies who are not dead like I'd heard one was! The Mass was amazing and later hilarious, even [Vintage Priest] laughed when [my son] banged his head against the 150 year old relic [ of saint]. Didn't make it to the rugby, or behind the chapel to join some smokers;) There were only a few of us there and it was great to see you/them. Great vibes basically from a school that has haunted so many of us. Will I go again? Dunno! Maybe!
(9 comments) Two guys including Luke wrote they wished they'd come having read that
On my homepage, to my friend friends
You might think I'm abit odd but yesterday when I walked along the corridor of my old living area (which is now a boys living area) I felt my ghosts fluttering inside me! Only for a moment. Then I tried the door to my old room, not used by any person now and it was locked and to the old common room (now for staff) and it was locked and to the toilets where some of us would smoke up by the fans, and it was locked. Just remembering it this morning! I don't think I'm odd btw, bit mad maybe, but not odd!
(14 comment conversation follows between me and an Old Boy after the post I'm posting next)
I'm thinking of deleting my last comment but I'm not going to. I simply failed to get across that my ghostly experience was funny (shame you can't use italics on fb, or can you and I haven't figured it out yet...;))
A primary school friend and a girl I worked with in Japan 'Like' this.
Highlight of yesterday was [my son] accidently headbutting a 150 year old Relic in the old school chapel. The priest laughed and I sniggered in exactly the same way as I would try to control my sniggers back in the days before I was forever (not, clearly) banned from the place!
Comments that follow
I think that counts as an extra blessing for [your son] :) From an Old Girl
Monday at 12:11pm · Like
Me Yeah! And inadvertently, I like to think a message to me too! It is all Light. Or at least, it should be...!
Monday at 12:14pm · Like
I felt a bit like that when my daughter did a poo on the side of the croquet lawn at [the school which kicked you out]...
Monday at 4:36pm · Like · 1
Me: Ha ha ha that's hilarious [G}, makes me think revenge is a dish which will be served up by our children, whether we like it, or plan it or not!!
Monday at 8:35pm · Like · 2 (though I wished I hadn't commented and kept the blessing thought instead of the revenge thought because:
It's been the Revenge of the Tears ever since
I will blog about it the best way I know how (or the best way Stiggers tells me) then leave this board
I am only writing about this experience because I believe it has some value for someone. It is hard though, I don't know what to tell you to expect.
"You're the real deal" had said a member of staff at the school
"Raw deal you mean, ha ha ha ha ha!"
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoooooo, I love blogging as Stigmum but I'm going to have to start over, with a different username, but I know just the one!!!
Pre Reunion Nerves
Relax relax relax relax breathe relax
It will be fine
It will be fine
Man on Heath said "You'll love it!"
You will so get excited instead of scared
You've got [your son] with you, the prayers of your mam and pap, the luck and support from friends. Do it.
Go into the church and bow your head, repeatedly saying thankyou to God and the angels, to Mary and the saints, for [your son], for your parents, for your being there and holding it together.
Good things will come from it
Good things
Reunion
Re-union
Your relationships will get better because you will feel stronger.
Rest afterwards and stay close to people who love you, yourself included.
(Taken from notebook: 12th November 2011)
It will be fine
It will be fine
Man on Heath said "You'll love it!"
You will so get excited instead of scared
You've got [your son] with you, the prayers of your mam and pap, the luck and support from friends. Do it.
Go into the church and bow your head, repeatedly saying thankyou to God and the angels, to Mary and the saints, for [your son], for your parents, for your being there and holding it together.
Good things will come from it
Good things
Reunion
Re-union
Your relationships will get better because you will feel stronger.
Rest afterwards and stay close to people who love you, yourself included.
(Taken from notebook: 12th November 2011)
Saturday, 12 November 2011
I ain't afraid of no ghosts...says trembling me
The spectre of that Shit School is looming large. Body is trembling, knees may buckle, heart is beating so fast I have to breath hard to steady it...
but hey, it was long ago, long ago. The wicked priest is dead, the evil prison marshalls gone... haven't they? And, most curious of any reunion I've ever been to in my life, I don't know who's going, just the friends who aren't (If the Foca's there I think I'll drop down dead but he won't be.. he won't be will he.. just the shadow of a memory in that great corridor where I was told I couldn't go into the church because God didn't want me there.)
I've got to keep calm and keep telling myself...It's all in the past and I ain't afraid of no ghosts! I'm brave me, brave...and it's costing me a fecking fortune just to get to the place so it better be worth it!
but hey, it was long ago, long ago. The wicked priest is dead, the evil prison marshalls gone... haven't they? And, most curious of any reunion I've ever been to in my life, I don't know who's going, just the friends who aren't (If the Foca's there I think I'll drop down dead but he won't be.. he won't be will he.. just the shadow of a memory in that great corridor where I was told I couldn't go into the church because God didn't want me there.)
I've got to keep calm and keep telling myself...It's all in the past and I ain't afraid of no ghosts! I'm brave me, brave...and it's costing me a fecking fortune just to get to the place so it better be worth it!
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