Funny funny.
I bought a copy of The Big Issue today. I didn't have the right money but thought sod it, his is a hard job.
I grabbed a copy of the CNJ too. They didn't publish my letter so I am determined not to worry about sending another letter ever again. They did print a cycling letter but from a man angry that three cycling youths were terrorising the canal towpaths. Mine with a little nip and tuck could have complemented it well, but ne'er mind.
I read the Big Issue and thought "What am I going to do with my life?" Then closed my eyes and slept.
What's funny, in that curious way, is that while I was sleeping there was a plop through the letter box.
My name handwritten on a jiffy envelope. What could it be?!
Only John Bird's "How To Change Your Life in 7 Steps" with a compliment slip from the Big Issue!!
I never got round to sending off my order form, or maybe I did. No, I did! So long ago I've forgotten! My tatty little cheque for £1.99!
I love coincidences. Love them! Let 2010 be the year of a thousand beautiful coincidences. So many that Stigmum becomes synonymous with coincidences and not with housing crap.
I shall label this post 'coincidences' in the hope that there are plenty more to come and that they are all fruitful!
Forward we go Stiggers; forward we go....!
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Visit to the doctor No 4
Got the wrong day! Doh!!
Dragged my corpse by foot as my limbs wouldn't be able to multitask on a bike, got there and said "Doctor Very Nice please." And they said: "Your appointment's not until next week."
I looked suitably wretched so when I said I thought I might have flu they told me to go upstairs and see the nurse on duty.
My body. Wow! My body! My incredible body!
Temperature: Normal
Blood Pressure: Low
Pulse: Normal
Chest: Clear (Nico Teen has been a constant companion; I cannot eat but I can inhale)
Stomach: Hollow
She said to drink lots of Ribena and flat coke to replace salts in my body and to come back if the squits don't stop. My true appointment is next week so that's good.
She said I might feel pukey and weak limbed and tired for another week. "Oh no!" I said.
"Was it Swine?" I asked. "Maybe," she said. "Usually it comes with a high temperature with two or more symptoms."
A Swine is not a Bug; a Bug is not a Swine. Although of course a Swine is a Bug in Flu Land.
She asked if I had a message for my doctor. "Yes," I said. "Tell her to get me a social worker. I am sick and tired, tired and sick of this housing situation."
"Will do," she said.
I left and lit a cigarette which was nestled in my back pocket then went to the supermarket and bought some satsumas. I have been craving any relative of the Orange family.
I have been sleeping all afternoon, classic fm carrying my dreams. Son is at a playdate at Mum on Whose Shoulder I Dropped My Head. She's bringing him home! Oh to invite her in but flat has been sorely neglected for three days and she might faint if she steps foot in it.
Dragged my corpse by foot as my limbs wouldn't be able to multitask on a bike, got there and said "Doctor Very Nice please." And they said: "Your appointment's not until next week."
I looked suitably wretched so when I said I thought I might have flu they told me to go upstairs and see the nurse on duty.
My body. Wow! My body! My incredible body!
Temperature: Normal
Blood Pressure: Low
Pulse: Normal
Chest: Clear (Nico Teen has been a constant companion; I cannot eat but I can inhale)
Stomach: Hollow
She said to drink lots of Ribena and flat coke to replace salts in my body and to come back if the squits don't stop. My true appointment is next week so that's good.
She said I might feel pukey and weak limbed and tired for another week. "Oh no!" I said.
"Was it Swine?" I asked. "Maybe," she said. "Usually it comes with a high temperature with two or more symptoms."
A Swine is not a Bug; a Bug is not a Swine. Although of course a Swine is a Bug in Flu Land.
She asked if I had a message for my doctor. "Yes," I said. "Tell her to get me a social worker. I am sick and tired, tired and sick of this housing situation."
"Will do," she said.
I left and lit a cigarette which was nestled in my back pocket then went to the supermarket and bought some satsumas. I have been craving any relative of the Orange family.
I have been sleeping all afternoon, classic fm carrying my dreams. Son is at a playdate at Mum on Whose Shoulder I Dropped My Head. She's bringing him home! Oh to invite her in but flat has been sorely neglected for three days and she might faint if she steps foot in it.
Thursday Thursday....
I was 84 out of 278 bidders for last week's bid on the flat here at Papier Mache Towers. I must have been sleeping yesterday when a family viewed it. (How bored are you of hearing me go on? I'm rather hoping I bore the council so much they shut me up by housing us)
I've bid on two more. A street property. £68 a week rent, £68!! (well it is a rough area...)What winds me up is it says preference will be given to those with a child under 5 living above the second floor and also those with over crowding points. My son is no longer the former despite living higher and cannot qualify for the latter. Hands up if you understand....
The second is a tower. I see no space for Zat but fuck it, have to play this stupid game.
Bid positions so far:
23/66 on street
20/59 on tower. (I never got hot shot marks in Maths)
If anyone reading this blog has been through all this before and is now happily esconsed in a council flat, could you tell me how you did it?
Thanks
I've bid on two more. A street property. £68 a week rent, £68!! (well it is a rough area...)What winds me up is it says preference will be given to those with a child under 5 living above the second floor and also those with over crowding points. My son is no longer the former despite living higher and cannot qualify for the latter. Hands up if you understand....
The second is a tower. I see no space for Zat but fuck it, have to play this stupid game.
Bid positions so far:
23/66 on street
20/59 on tower. (I never got hot shot marks in Maths)
If anyone reading this blog has been through all this before and is now happily esconsed in a council flat, could you tell me how you did it?
Thanks
Missing a child's class assembly
"Dear Mummy,
hope that swine -
flu goas
away. I am really x
sad that you can't x
come to my xx
class assembly xxx
lots and lots of xxx
love your son xxxxxxxx
I didn't go. I texted the Foca and asked him to, asked him to take him to Beavers afterwards.
The Foca called, said he would do, but couldn't take him to Beavers as he had to take his other child to the doctor for jabs.
I was gutted to miss it; my son acting out Dr Barnardo. I lay under a blanket watching The Champ on TCM, red hot tears streaming down my cheeks not missing the various ironies.
The Foca was there for my son so even though my boy was sad I wasn't there, he was happy his dad was. I was happy one of us was.
Lots of children do performances at school while their parents can't watch as they are out at work.
If I were best buddies with a policy maker, I would ask that ALL parents have the option to take paid time off work to go to their child's assemblies, sports days, nativities, fun runs, afternoon concerts. It means such an awful lot to the child.
In my mind people do enough overtime that isn't paid, or work tough jobs for such rubbish money, it would all work out in the end.
Childless people might not think it's fair of course, but they don't have to juggle two jobs. Parenting is an emotional, mental minefield. Having to be Bad Cop all the time in order to raise them well, it's nice that such a small act means the world and more to them.
Sometimes I do wish politicians read this...
hope that swine -
flu goas
away. I am really x
sad that you can't x
come to my xx
class assembly xxx
lots and lots of xxx
love your son xxxxxxxx
I didn't go. I texted the Foca and asked him to, asked him to take him to Beavers afterwards.
The Foca called, said he would do, but couldn't take him to Beavers as he had to take his other child to the doctor for jabs.
I was gutted to miss it; my son acting out Dr Barnardo. I lay under a blanket watching The Champ on TCM, red hot tears streaming down my cheeks not missing the various ironies.
The Foca was there for my son so even though my boy was sad I wasn't there, he was happy his dad was. I was happy one of us was.
Lots of children do performances at school while their parents can't watch as they are out at work.
If I were best buddies with a policy maker, I would ask that ALL parents have the option to take paid time off work to go to their child's assemblies, sports days, nativities, fun runs, afternoon concerts. It means such an awful lot to the child.
In my mind people do enough overtime that isn't paid, or work tough jobs for such rubbish money, it would all work out in the end.
Childless people might not think it's fair of course, but they don't have to juggle two jobs. Parenting is an emotional, mental minefield. Having to be Bad Cop all the time in order to raise them well, it's nice that such a small act means the world and more to them.
Sometimes I do wish politicians read this...
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
It's so bollocks, hope is all that's left
I went online last night to check if I had Swine Flu and popped into my inbox for no reason other than 'why not'.
An email from allocations telling me my points have been reviewed and are 'correct'. She looked at my last eight bids and saw that there were 'two' who'd only been waiting since 2009 (I told you there were more than that reader...) That these were awarded the "highest harrassment priority" (I thought they weren't allowed to say, and anyway, it doesn't explain all the others with more points who have waited less time)
In short, her email tells me that I am fucked. I have no chance, nil.
Don McLean's American Pie song came into my head
"Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step"
But in my fog, the music doesn't die, I remember that Mr Muppet* is making enquiries. Oh he'll be led to her and he'll come back to kick me in the teeth but one must have HOPE. No? HOPE!
So I have a new fantasy. A fantasy of the Leader of the Council and all his friends singing, to meeeee!
It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet us muppets
On the muppet show this month
It's time to put on make up
It's time to dress up right
It's time to get things started
(Oh I'm happy to watch it)
Stigmum we'll get things started
On the most sensational
Inspirational, celebrational, muppetational
This is what we call helping you out!
(The Muppets featuring Stigmum)
*I shall not call the Leader of the Council Mr Muppet anymore. Stigmum's had her fun, so while she's down I revert it to simply Leader of the Council and carry on hoping for the best.
An email from allocations telling me my points have been reviewed and are 'correct'. She looked at my last eight bids and saw that there were 'two' who'd only been waiting since 2009 (I told you there were more than that reader...) That these were awarded the "highest harrassment priority" (I thought they weren't allowed to say, and anyway, it doesn't explain all the others with more points who have waited less time)
In short, her email tells me that I am fucked. I have no chance, nil.
Don McLean's American Pie song came into my head
"Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step"
But in my fog, the music doesn't die, I remember that Mr Muppet* is making enquiries. Oh he'll be led to her and he'll come back to kick me in the teeth but one must have HOPE. No? HOPE!
So I have a new fantasy. A fantasy of the Leader of the Council and all his friends singing, to meeeee!
It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet us muppets
On the muppet show this month
It's time to put on make up
It's time to dress up right
It's time to get things started
(Oh I'm happy to watch it)
Stigmum we'll get things started
On the most sensational
Inspirational, celebrational, muppetational
This is what we call helping you out!
(The Muppets featuring Stigmum)
*I shall not call the Leader of the Council Mr Muppet anymore. Stigmum's had her fun, so while she's down I revert it to simply Leader of the Council and carry on hoping for the best.
All the mums are down
My mother calls me this morning. Under no circumstances must I take my son to school. I have to rest, beat this thing.
I go upstairs to ask L's mum if she'll take my boy. She comes to the door. She looks like utter shit. She looks weak and done in and says her throat is killing her.
She has to take her other child to the GP this morning, she also has to take another boy to school, she'll take mine.
I'm dressed and ready to go, I tell her, I'll take them all.
I go along the corridor to N's flat. His stigmum doesn't look quite as shit as L's mum but looks like she could do with going back to bed. She's taken the day off work; works in an international school. Says she can't get a doctor's appointment until Monday.
As luck would have it, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I was going to cancel it to go to my medicinal Bazza's Boot Camp but as luck would have it again, I haven't got round to cancelling it. Good job really, as I'm really not up to any form of exercise.
I float to school, with all three children under my wing, spread the pandemic, spread it.
Well, what choice did any of us have?
(Do I naughty naughty go to my son's class assembly this afternoon? He was crying this morning he so wants me to go...I could sit at the back, rest my head against a window pane....
Let me sleep on it
Baby baby
Let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
I'll give you the answer in the avo.... (Meatloaf) )
I go upstairs to ask L's mum if she'll take my boy. She comes to the door. She looks like utter shit. She looks weak and done in and says her throat is killing her.
She has to take her other child to the GP this morning, she also has to take another boy to school, she'll take mine.
I'm dressed and ready to go, I tell her, I'll take them all.
I go along the corridor to N's flat. His stigmum doesn't look quite as shit as L's mum but looks like she could do with going back to bed. She's taken the day off work; works in an international school. Says she can't get a doctor's appointment until Monday.
As luck would have it, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I was going to cancel it to go to my medicinal Bazza's Boot Camp but as luck would have it again, I haven't got round to cancelling it. Good job really, as I'm really not up to any form of exercise.
I float to school, with all three children under my wing, spread the pandemic, spread it.
Well, what choice did any of us have?
(Do I naughty naughty go to my son's class assembly this afternoon? He was crying this morning he so wants me to go...I could sit at the back, rest my head against a window pane....
Let me sleep on it
Baby baby
Let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
I'll give you the answer in the avo.... (Meatloaf) )
Oink Oink
Oink Oink
Who's there?
Flu
Flu who?
Flukey high temperature thing with nausea feeling coupled with the runs on top of leaded eyelids that make you want to sleep all day
You swine
Perhaps not. Internet may say so but you have to be properly diagnosed.
I have a child to look after, I can't be having this
Tough titties mamma, I'm a pandemic, now take some paracetamol and take yourself back to bed.
Who's there?
Flu
Flu who?
Flukey high temperature thing with nausea feeling coupled with the runs on top of leaded eyelids that make you want to sleep all day
You swine
Perhaps not. Internet may say so but you have to be properly diagnosed.
I have a child to look after, I can't be having this
Tough titties mamma, I'm a pandemic, now take some paracetamol and take yourself back to bed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
