A funny thing the cravings when I gave up my cigs last week. Thick and fast the first few days, but curiously, they didn't always have to be met by Nico Teen, they could be met with anything.
I kept a notebook while I wasn't blogging. This is what I wrote on January 5th:
Having difficulty remembering why I've let go of Nico Teen. The last time I planned it for months and months, this time through a blurred fog.
There's the gnawing desire for one but it passes, especially if I go outside and breathe. Mind you, it could be a thirst for Al Cohol too. I even went out and bought a bottle of wine - but didn't indulge.
Oh why oh why this change????
I shall never remember, only that I let Nico Teen go on a New Moon.
No good for me, even if I struggle to recall why
My top tip for any would be cravers? Always have a glass or bottle of water handy. Imagine you're riding a wave and enjoy it!
(The next day the entry reads MUST REMEMBER THAT GIVING UP IS AWFUL SO DON'T START AGAIN TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN - I'd gone back to Bazza's Boot Camp and after doing roly poly's felt right pukey for the rest of the day.. all dem toxins...)
Friday, 14 January 2011
Allen Carr's Easy Way
I bought Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking years ago. A paperback with a free cd included of the author reading his introduction.
I read the book a year or so later.
I listened to the cd for the first time today. Oh Allen! You've got such a lovely English voice! I don't know why I thought it might be American! Doh! What a joy listening to you! I'm sure I'm going to listen to you again and again and again, as much as I need to. Might lend it out to someone but I'll always want it back!
Allen Carr died a few years ago, from lung cancer. It made me so sad when I heard.
I was wrong yesterday by the way when I said it takes four days for Nico Teen to leave the system. According to Carr's book, it takes three weeks for 99% of it to leave your body. 1% is always lurking there together with car and bus fumes and other urban pollutions.
When he stopped smoking, he started workshops because he wanted everyone to quit and feel as free as him.
He tells you to carry on smoking while you read the book, unless you're a non-smoker or you've recently given up.
People could smoke in his workshops too so week in and week out he sat in other people's fog willing them to be free from their addiction. Maybe that's what killed him, God rest his soul.
His book, if you haven't read it, is a really good read. He gets it you know, he gets how we smokers feel, he doesn't patronise or lecture. He'd tried and failed to give up his 100 a day habit loads of times, so fortunately he doesn't think I'm crap for stopping, starting, stopping, starting. He even says I can carry on smoking after I've read the book, if I want to!
Yesterday I told my new nice doc that I'd stopped and started again. She didn't say anything, just kind of nodded. Then I told her I was going to try again using Allen Carr and her eyes shined as she smiled. No patches for me!
Allen Carr, I do so hope they start giving out your audio cd at doctor's surgeries and the like, because even though your method hasn't worked on me yet, I do think your way is the best way!
Thank you so very, very much!
I read the book a year or so later.
I listened to the cd for the first time today. Oh Allen! You've got such a lovely English voice! I don't know why I thought it might be American! Doh! What a joy listening to you! I'm sure I'm going to listen to you again and again and again, as much as I need to. Might lend it out to someone but I'll always want it back!
Allen Carr died a few years ago, from lung cancer. It made me so sad when I heard.
I was wrong yesterday by the way when I said it takes four days for Nico Teen to leave the system. According to Carr's book, it takes three weeks for 99% of it to leave your body. 1% is always lurking there together with car and bus fumes and other urban pollutions.
When he stopped smoking, he started workshops because he wanted everyone to quit and feel as free as him.
He tells you to carry on smoking while you read the book, unless you're a non-smoker or you've recently given up.
People could smoke in his workshops too so week in and week out he sat in other people's fog willing them to be free from their addiction. Maybe that's what killed him, God rest his soul.
His book, if you haven't read it, is a really good read. He gets it you know, he gets how we smokers feel, he doesn't patronise or lecture. He'd tried and failed to give up his 100 a day habit loads of times, so fortunately he doesn't think I'm crap for stopping, starting, stopping, starting. He even says I can carry on smoking after I've read the book, if I want to!
Yesterday I told my new nice doc that I'd stopped and started again. She didn't say anything, just kind of nodded. Then I told her I was going to try again using Allen Carr and her eyes shined as she smiled. No patches for me!
Allen Carr, I do so hope they start giving out your audio cd at doctor's surgeries and the like, because even though your method hasn't worked on me yet, I do think your way is the best way!
Thank you so very, very much!
Nico Teen and Al Cohol
I was a non smoker last week. Yes, quite delightful in some ways. Much of what I'm blogging about smoking now has the benefit and knowledge of that recent giving up experience, so bare with me.
Although triggers for having a cigarette can be plentiful - just woken up, just finished a meal, goes lovely with the coffee, about to blog another post, that kind of thing - a biggie is Al Cohol.
Last week a friend came round. Not for dinner but I fed him anyway and we drank alot. It was my first time drinking without Nico Teen and I had not one little bit of tobacco in the house.
I asked my friend if he'd watch my son while I popped out to the shops. He refused. If it was for a pint of milk he'd have gladly done so. For a pack of fags, nah.
I accepted it. Probably for the best, I hadn't had a fag for three days, why undo it all.
Every now and then though I'd get a rush of desire. I knew that all I really wanted was two or three hits, that's all, not the whole thing, so told myself that and 'rode the wave', because that's what it felt like, riding a wave (I've boogie boarded but never surfed, just thought I'd tell you that).
Last night my brother watched his nephew while I popped out to the shops for a ten pack of Mayfair (£3.31) and another bottle of wine ('Siren' - a red South African Cabernet Sauvignon, in the sale for £3, Not bad at all but then what do I know about wine...)
It would have been a great evening if it hadn't descended into a row, but there we go, it did but I won't trouble you with that!
I'll do it this time, the stopping smoking lark. I want to and Allen Carr is going to help me, may he rest in peace.
Although triggers for having a cigarette can be plentiful - just woken up, just finished a meal, goes lovely with the coffee, about to blog another post, that kind of thing - a biggie is Al Cohol.
Last week a friend came round. Not for dinner but I fed him anyway and we drank alot. It was my first time drinking without Nico Teen and I had not one little bit of tobacco in the house.
I asked my friend if he'd watch my son while I popped out to the shops. He refused. If it was for a pint of milk he'd have gladly done so. For a pack of fags, nah.
I accepted it. Probably for the best, I hadn't had a fag for three days, why undo it all.
Every now and then though I'd get a rush of desire. I knew that all I really wanted was two or three hits, that's all, not the whole thing, so told myself that and 'rode the wave', because that's what it felt like, riding a wave (I've boogie boarded but never surfed, just thought I'd tell you that).
Last night my brother watched his nephew while I popped out to the shops for a ten pack of Mayfair (£3.31) and another bottle of wine ('Siren' - a red South African Cabernet Sauvignon, in the sale for £3, Not bad at all but then what do I know about wine...)
It would have been a great evening if it hadn't descended into a row, but there we go, it did but I won't trouble you with that!
I'll do it this time, the stopping smoking lark. I want to and Allen Carr is going to help me, may he rest in peace.
Nico Teen Triggers
Twenty minutes ago I went outside with Nico Teen because I wanted to. No other reason.
Half an hour ago I thought: "Shall I have a fag?"
Voice in head said: "Do you want to hurt yourself?"
I replied: "No."
Five minutes or so later I had the same conversation, and five minutes after that, then forgot about it, then finally thought fuck it, come on Nico Teen, let's go buddy.
Was it nice? Not particularly, I have a massive hangover on account of my brother coming round last night.
I got thinking about the triggers a few days ago at the widow's flat. She'd been given some stop smoking bumph from the NHS and at the back it tells you to list your triggers.
When I gave up smoking a few years ago I recall how I got hooked, or my reason for how I got hooked anyway. Those days after I got kicked out of school, Nico Teen could stop my crying.
This week when I started again, it's the first time I consciously thought 'I want to hurt myself'.
Smoking is a largely unconcious activity though. You feel the first hit and maybe the second, then you're off thinking about whatever or chatting to whoever and before you know it, you've smoked it right to the end and have to stub it out.
The trigger is desire. It's an addiction. Could be heroin, could be booze, could be junk food but mine is none of those.
Gosh, quite fancy another little hit from you Nico Teen after all that but let me quickly ride this wave as I think about Al Cohol.
Half an hour ago I thought: "Shall I have a fag?"
Voice in head said: "Do you want to hurt yourself?"
I replied: "No."
Five minutes or so later I had the same conversation, and five minutes after that, then forgot about it, then finally thought fuck it, come on Nico Teen, let's go buddy.
Was it nice? Not particularly, I have a massive hangover on account of my brother coming round last night.
I got thinking about the triggers a few days ago at the widow's flat. She'd been given some stop smoking bumph from the NHS and at the back it tells you to list your triggers.
When I gave up smoking a few years ago I recall how I got hooked, or my reason for how I got hooked anyway. Those days after I got kicked out of school, Nico Teen could stop my crying.
This week when I started again, it's the first time I consciously thought 'I want to hurt myself'.
Smoking is a largely unconcious activity though. You feel the first hit and maybe the second, then you're off thinking about whatever or chatting to whoever and before you know it, you've smoked it right to the end and have to stub it out.
The trigger is desire. It's an addiction. Could be heroin, could be booze, could be junk food but mine is none of those.
Gosh, quite fancy another little hit from you Nico Teen after all that but let me quickly ride this wave as I think about Al Cohol.
Thursday, 13 January 2011
Patches
Two women I know have given up smoking. The widow with three kids from Papier Mache Towers, and a teacher at my son's school.
Both are using patches.
The widow woke up on New Years day and realised she was spending up to £100 a week on her habit. She smoked everywhere in her flat, she told me, asked herself what she was doing to her children. She went to her doctor the next day.
The teacher said it's time to stop, she doesn't know why she does it anymore. The expense was a reason as well. The ready rolled sticks are mighty expensive. Over £6 for a pack of 20!
Both still had cravings. The psychological addiction is what's obscene.
I won't use patches. I want to shove the poison in my body, I don't want it intravenously dripping in, all day long (widow takes hers off at night, it gives her nightmares she said).
Four days and Nico Teen is out of your body. Yes, I was clear when I decided to start again.
I'm going to do it the Easyway!
It's not easy though is it? My friend Peggy discovered she had throat cancer last year and I saw her yesterday, in remission, fag in hand. When she told me she had the cancer she looked at me then at Nico Teen between her fingers, back at me again, a far away look in her eyes.
"Who am I to judge?" I'd said to her. Only the week before I'd sat next to a smoker outside Sainsbury's who told me she had cancer of the colon.
I was going to blog about it all back then but didn't know how.
People die of cancers who have never smoked. These women, my father, are still alive and thank God for that.
Me? Well I told myself I've smoked for two and a half decades. I'm going to try and stop for two and a half more. If I want to take it up again when I'm a pensioner, then I will, if I'm lucky enough to still be around by then, it's a choice I'll have.
That's the thing, you never know. The key is to live for today. Well, actually, if you read Erkhart Tolle, the key is to live for Now!
Good luck to all of you letting the ciggie go. Try not to think about it and drink lots of water!
Both are using patches.
The widow woke up on New Years day and realised she was spending up to £100 a week on her habit. She smoked everywhere in her flat, she told me, asked herself what she was doing to her children. She went to her doctor the next day.
The teacher said it's time to stop, she doesn't know why she does it anymore. The expense was a reason as well. The ready rolled sticks are mighty expensive. Over £6 for a pack of 20!
Both still had cravings. The psychological addiction is what's obscene.
I won't use patches. I want to shove the poison in my body, I don't want it intravenously dripping in, all day long (widow takes hers off at night, it gives her nightmares she said).
Four days and Nico Teen is out of your body. Yes, I was clear when I decided to start again.
I'm going to do it the Easyway!
It's not easy though is it? My friend Peggy discovered she had throat cancer last year and I saw her yesterday, in remission, fag in hand. When she told me she had the cancer she looked at me then at Nico Teen between her fingers, back at me again, a far away look in her eyes.
"Who am I to judge?" I'd said to her. Only the week before I'd sat next to a smoker outside Sainsbury's who told me she had cancer of the colon.
I was going to blog about it all back then but didn't know how.
People die of cancers who have never smoked. These women, my father, are still alive and thank God for that.
Me? Well I told myself I've smoked for two and a half decades. I'm going to try and stop for two and a half more. If I want to take it up again when I'm a pensioner, then I will, if I'm lucky enough to still be around by then, it's a choice I'll have.
That's the thing, you never know. The key is to live for today. Well, actually, if you read Erkhart Tolle, the key is to live for Now!
Good luck to all of you letting the ciggie go. Try not to think about it and drink lots of water!
Stigmum is the smoker!
Tis true.
Having spent a week as a non smoker, not all of it pleasurable I have to agree, but most of it pleasant, I fell back into the clutches of my old friend yesterday as I thought of blogging again.
Finished blogging, finished smoking.
Yesterday afternoon, a monumental headache, and a gruff, snappy attitude with my son because of that.
Nico Teen like a toddler who doesn't know they've missed you until they see you again and all hell breaks loose as they wonder where the hell you've been.
This morning, again, walking back from the school run thinking how I'd write, I got home and dragged down three of those little sticks before even switching on the computer.
Stigmum, what is it about you????
Me, I know I want to hurt myself but you?
We can't give up without one another.
Alan Carr says we smoke out of fear. He may be right.
Fear of stopping.
What is there to be afraid of?
Having spent a week as a non smoker, not all of it pleasurable I have to agree, but most of it pleasant, I fell back into the clutches of my old friend yesterday as I thought of blogging again.
Finished blogging, finished smoking.
Yesterday afternoon, a monumental headache, and a gruff, snappy attitude with my son because of that.
Nico Teen like a toddler who doesn't know they've missed you until they see you again and all hell breaks loose as they wonder where the hell you've been.
This morning, again, walking back from the school run thinking how I'd write, I got home and dragged down three of those little sticks before even switching on the computer.
Stigmum, what is it about you????
Me, I know I want to hurt myself but you?
We can't give up without one another.
Alan Carr says we smoke out of fear. He may be right.
Fear of stopping.
What is there to be afraid of?
Visit to the doctor No 9?
What a turn of events! Yesterday afternoon the doctor's surgery called me to say the appointment for today has been cancelled! I should call to make another in the morning with a new doctor!
"Social workers arranged it, not me. Should I get them to re-arrange it?"
It's fortuitous, it really is. I was dreading facing my doctor again. She might be a nice person but how do you go back after that last meeting? This change is an opportunity to get a new doctor, which I planned on doing at some point.
I called the surgery this morning. The appointment's at 4 o'clock. Not ideal given it's outside school hours, but as I said to the receptionist, if two social workers were planning on coming, then one of them can look after the lad!
All's well that ends well I hope. I'm going to ask to be signed off work. Well, not work exactly, I want a job, I want to ask to be signed off jobseeker's allowance.
Apparantly you can't do courses on jobseekers, if it is outside their remit (ie another Masters, which I didn't plan on doing anyway, anything at CityLit.. you have to do training they have on their books, computer courses and the like)
Two ideas I have: A course on teaching adults or else seeing if I can get an internship at a social research organisation. Sadly these people are unlikely to give me a job, I've been too long out of it.
I'll also tell them I'm going to go to Women and Health, and chase my own therapy. I need to do this for myself. Once and for all, I need to nail my demons and start to value who I am.
Try it if you need to. However big, however small, if you have a dark stone within you, you owe it to yourself to get rid of it. If someone can help you do that, all the better.
I personally have to do it quickly. The desire to move on is overwhelming.
"Social workers arranged it, not me. Should I get them to re-arrange it?"
It's fortuitous, it really is. I was dreading facing my doctor again. She might be a nice person but how do you go back after that last meeting? This change is an opportunity to get a new doctor, which I planned on doing at some point.
I called the surgery this morning. The appointment's at 4 o'clock. Not ideal given it's outside school hours, but as I said to the receptionist, if two social workers were planning on coming, then one of them can look after the lad!
All's well that ends well I hope. I'm going to ask to be signed off work. Well, not work exactly, I want a job, I want to ask to be signed off jobseeker's allowance.
Apparantly you can't do courses on jobseekers, if it is outside their remit (ie another Masters, which I didn't plan on doing anyway, anything at CityLit.. you have to do training they have on their books, computer courses and the like)
Two ideas I have: A course on teaching adults or else seeing if I can get an internship at a social research organisation. Sadly these people are unlikely to give me a job, I've been too long out of it.
I'll also tell them I'm going to go to Women and Health, and chase my own therapy. I need to do this for myself. Once and for all, I need to nail my demons and start to value who I am.
Try it if you need to. However big, however small, if you have a dark stone within you, you owe it to yourself to get rid of it. If someone can help you do that, all the better.
I personally have to do it quickly. The desire to move on is overwhelming.
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