Nico Teen Triggers

Twenty minutes ago I went outside with Nico Teen because I wanted to. No other reason.
Half an hour ago I thought: "Shall I have a fag?"
Voice in head said: "Do you want to hurt yourself?"
I replied: "No."

Five minutes or so later I had the same conversation, and five minutes after that, then forgot about it, then finally thought fuck it, come on Nico Teen, let's go buddy.

Was it nice? Not particularly, I have a massive hangover on account of my brother coming round last night.

I got thinking about the triggers a few days ago at the widow's flat. She'd been given some stop smoking bumph from the NHS and at the back it tells you to list your triggers.

When I gave up smoking a few years ago I recall how I got hooked, or my reason for how I got hooked anyway. Those days after I got kicked out of school, Nico Teen could stop my crying.

This week when I started again, it's the first time I consciously thought 'I want to hurt myself'.

Smoking is a largely unconcious activity though. You feel the first hit and maybe the second, then you're off thinking about whatever or chatting to whoever and before you know it, you've smoked it right to the end and have to stub it out.

The trigger is desire. It's an addiction. Could be heroin, could be booze, could be junk food but mine is none of those.

Gosh, quite fancy another little hit from you Nico Teen after all that but let me quickly ride this wave as I think about Al Cohol.