Guilt

Breakfast:

My son: Mummy, yesterday you said that I couldn't watch tv or play on the computer
Me: Oh yeah! (Mind swings back to outside the cinema)
My son: You said all week
Me: Oh gosh yes, so I did
My son: Not all week mummy, that's not fair
Me: Maybe, maybe not but maybe it's an opportunity for you to learn that how you behave at home is really how you should behave when we're out.
My son: I'm not Jesus you know!
Me (suppressing a laugh): No, I know, and I'm not asking you to be. I'm just asking that you're, you know, you! Funny, clever, friendly, you! Not the little boy who calls his teachers stupid (last week outside Beavers, very embarrassing)
My son: Okay, okaaaaaaaaay.

Later as I am in the bath:

My son: I really wish I'd seen N & L this weekend.
Me: Yeah, I know. I did send messages, I did try to sort something out.
My son (putting fingers to his ear and mouth like a receiver): Yeah, but why didn't you phone? Huh? HUH?
Me: Because my phone um er, you're right, we should've phoned. I should've got you to call.
My son (clearly frustrated): I don't have a phone do I?
Me: You could've borrowed mine but hey son, son....
He leaves the bathroom, head hung low
Me (calling after him): Listen there's nothing we can do now. I'm sorry ok. Don't let it spoil your day.

I stamp my feet in the bathtub, bash my fists against its base, shake my teeth clenched head. There's so much I can't tell my son. So much that hurts.

Fortunately he's a good natured boy and before we even left the house for school, his sunny disposition was back.

RRRRARGH. I keep thinking that when I get him Home I can right every wrong. That will be my mission, when this whole sorry saga is over, I'll make everything up to him.

I will. Goddammit Krystal I will. (Cue Dynasty soundtrack)