Preparing to lobby an MP

1. Prepare what you will need to do the night before. Don't plan to watch some programme about the Pope for if you are anything like me, you'll fall asleep despite yourself.

2. Prepare what you will need the night before. You'll be busy in the morning, perhaps helping your child to finish his birthday invitations.

3. Live in a tidy house where everything has its place and everything is easy to find.

4. If your mouth is dry and your heart is banging have a drink of water (and a moment with Nico Teen if that's your thing).

5. Consult Google for a reminder of the opening times of the House of Commons.

6. Thank God you have some time.

7. Go through every diary and book you own to find out where exactly you hid the photocopy of the postcard you sent Parliament. It may come in handy.

8. Check every folder to find out in which one you put all responses from Downing Street that you have received (from this government, there really isn't that much time to find the ones from government's past)

9. If you have a friend, call them to off load some of your growing panic. I have Stiggers, you may have someone else.

10. Make a cup of tea and sit and breathe for a moment, with or without Nico Teen. Don't mind the mess, it's symbolic of your life, the very reason you are getting up and heading to parliament.

11. Accept that you will have to wear your grease stained flourescent yellow waterproof jacket. First impressions count and all that but hell, who are you anyway? You are not one of them.

12. Put on some makeup, particularly if you are there on someone else's behalf. This is your armour.

13. According to the Angel Numbers book: "Ascended masters ask you to stay positive and give them any fear or doubts that they can heal or transmute. This number also means the sacred feminine, the goddess, and the intuitive side as there are 13 cycles in a year." A good number on which to stop blogging therefore and tie up any loose ends before you get going.

14. "Angels are helping you manifest your positive thoughts, affirmations, and visualizations into reality." Wish yourself luck. Eek.