Let's not drag it on....

My goodness I was pissed off last night. How is it the Foca can drive me mad in less than 0 to 60 seconds???? Answer me that ey, answer me that.

Yesterday afternoon, as promised, the Deputy sent me and the Foca an email saying what our son had told his class teacher and school mentor about how he felt about term time access. Our son told these members of staff that he wished to come back on Sundays, the reasons why, the reasons his own.

I hit "reply all" on the email, said that I too would prefer a Sunday return, thanked the school for acting as mediator and mentioned how grateful I am that there are staff there who my son can talk to impartially about anything that may be troubling him. "Send".

Into my inbox came the Foca's response. OK, what does this say? This is what it said:

Hi All,

I don't think we should drag this out for any longer.
I'll bring [our son] back on Sunday evenings for the next few terms - we can revisit this again at that point.

Thank you for all your help in looking after [his] best interests.

During our conversation you commented on the high level of anxiety that [our son] displays.I know various suggestions were made as to possible causes for this - but I would like to ask you what you believe to be the cause(s)?
And what we might all do to help lessen any stress [he] is suffering?

Cheers

Foca

The rage. 0 to 60 I tell you. Hiding this from my son involved putting the stereo on really loudly and dancing with him, Duckie and Tigger.

I was angry and I was embarrassed. This week alone I emailed the Deputy saying the Tory wanted an email from the Head. I didn't like to do this because the Deputy has just written a fecking letter, that should be enough for the goddamn state to listen.

Do I wait for her to respond to this? I still couldn't shake it off at bath time. RRAAGH. No, I thought, don't drag it on, deal with it now. So at 8pm, I sent this:

Deputy, I apologise for including you in this email, but I have to.

Foca, You are right, I don't think we should drag this out for any longer. [Our son] will be very happy to learn he'll be back on Sunday's during term time. I don't think we should revisit this again unless I move to Brighton. This is not likely.

By asking the school questions about [our son's] anxieties, you are dragging it on. There are 400 children in the school. [The Deputy's] first port of call would be a child's teacher for any individual problems that might arise. We were fortunate enough to see [X] [our son's] teacher, on Monday, who told us both how well he was doing, academically and socially. I was relieved by what I heard. I would have hoped you would be too. During school time, she is the person best placed to know him.

Children spend only 20% of their time in school. This I learnt at a seminar on Tuesday on how to equip (teenage) children for real life, not a figure I plucked from mid air. Given that [our son] spends the majority of his time with me, I am the one who is best placed to answer questions about things that may make him feel anxious, may make him feel happy.

Recents events between us have made him feel anxious, your move and the subsequent argument over term time access. In the past, things that have made him anxious, I have told you about. Whether that was his problems in reception while I was doing my masters, how he felt about you having a second child, you getting married. I let you know when he's not having a good time. [Our son] is very open with me.

Anything you want to know about [our son], I can and am happy to tell you. Whether you choose to listen to what I have to say is up to you. It would make things easier, admittedly.

You have my other email address if you want to carry on this conversation, but let's stop now. What we might do to lessen [our son's] "suffering" is to learn how to communicate with one another. I know it's hard but that is not the school's concern, not unless it spills into that 20% of the time that [our son] is with them.

The school may or may not answer your email. If they do, let that be the end of it. If they do not, let this be the end of it. Thanks

Mother of Child ('moca' doesn't have the same ring to it as 'foca'. Mocha is a type of coffee, with added cocoa, milk and sugar, makes me think of that little rhyme: what are little girl's made of....)

After I sent this email, where I certainly did omit to mention 'my own personal housing stress' I came to blogspot and wrote about Bazza's Boot Camp - "Don't think about it!!" I then fell asleep on the sofa as the credits rang on Question Time, woke up at midnight, hung the laundry (yeah hey! I remembered!) and got to bed at 1.45.

Let's not drag this on. If the school replies I will not tell you because I've said my peace. I just hope the Foca's heard it...

Annoyingly though, the wider tale is not over which is why it's nice to read other people's blogs and know that I am not alone with foca/access problems.

Thankyou blogland!