A lesson in not giving a shit

The heath to clear my head earlier, the walls of my flat closing in around me as reality dawned on what I'd done.

My usual spot, near the ponds; near water, ducks, lying on the grass looking at the grey sky.

My son's social worker called. I told her I'd had an article published, I didn't tell her what I was frightened about. I told her yes, I'd keep my appointment with the mental health teams my new support worker referred me to. She said my son and I would need longer term support from the social work team, which surprised me. I hope we get housed properly was all I could say. She said she was going away for two weeks, she'd email me an emergency number.

Of course, we're being evicted. Soon.

Lay back on the grass. My alarm rang, I went to pick up my son.

Later, I showed my boy the article. Two people had commented!

The first, a guy called craig, saying he was bought up by his mum in the 70's when life was harder and she rented a flat and got a lodger and started her business and never looked to the council.

Stiggers got angry and wanted to comment: a council flat is a rented flat you pillock
I wanted to comment too: Good for your mum!

Neither of us could be arsed and in that moment of not being arsed I thought: Let them say what they like. I won't say anything.

Since then a few more voices, one very kind: all she wants is a secure home, is that really asking too much?

What's interesting though, is that all the comments are about me, not about the issue I wrote about.

Where do I get my sense of entitlement?

Why thank you person in the void, who does not know me, who does not understand the situation thousands of us are in.

I seem to have removed myself from myself and like them am looking at myself objectively. Reading their comments objectively.

Who is this girl?

There's a lesson in there somewhere, an important one to boot... to wedge, to stilletto, to flat, to kitten, to high heel....

I must learn it while I've got the chance.

1000 darts did I say earlier?

Only if I get on the telly and newspapers are my thing....