Why have I let my son have a sleepover?

Invited round to Hope's house this afternoon. My son's bottom tooth fell out over dinner. He was so excited, love love love the little one!

I tell him we're leaving at 8pm.

"Oh mummy, can I watch a dvd with J? He'd said we'd watch it later. Please?" His beautiful eyes imploring.

"He can stay over if you like. You can stay too," says Hope.

Oh the instinct. Nooooo. My son, "please mummy please, please....."

I couldn't stay. Funny mood I'm in. I like putting my boy to bed then sitting infront of the tv, watching whatever. I'm not bothering anyone, I can watch what I like, channel flick, disappear into my head. Not talk. I can put my son to bed and not talk.

"Please mummy, pleeeeeeeeeeeease?"

When I went to kiss him goodbye he barely registered me. He and J weren't watching a dvd, they were playing chess.

Walking home, heavy hearted, I asked myself why I just didn't say 'no', firmly. There was no reason to that's why. He wants to write to David Cameron. If I'd reminded him, would he have come back? Doubt it.

He's off with his dad tomorrow. I won't wake up with him again until next wednesday. Ache, ache, ache, every heavy step.

I'm feeling sad. Tonight, Hope will put his tooth under his pillow. Tomorrow morning he'll check under it. Share the moment with J. Great for my son, really.

If he were here he'd whoop with what is still excitement at the wonder of the gift, then jump into bed with me.

Why didn't I pull my son to one side. Why didn't I say "your tooth baby?". It might have worked. He might be young but he loves money that one, might love it over sleepover with a friend.

Flip I should have done that. Instead I'm here with Al Cohol. Bless the Superior Brother.

Hanging out at Hope's is easy because Hope is lovely and loves hanging out herself. She'll say to chill out tomorrow while our boys play; their relationship as fluid and easy as ours.

I'll bring him back early though. I'll say I'm being selfish, I want to spend time with my boy. I'll tell my boy I'm being selfish, but he's got another sleepover with J next week.

Let me love you let me love you let me love you son. With you with you with you. While you're still small, and I can.

Sweet dreams my beautiful, beautiful, one tooth less child xxx