My son and smoking

"Mummy, will you give up smoking in our new house?"
"I hope so honey."
"You said you would."
"Yes, I know but only if we get a council flat." I finish the conversation in a whisper.

We move in. The joy! The splendour! A two bedroom flat! With a balcony!
"Mummy, you said you'd give up smoking when we moved here."
"Yes, I know I did."
"So why are you smoking?"
Aaargh "Because I thought I could stop and I can't."
"Why not?"
Aargh "Because I'm addicted baby."
"What's addicted?"
"When you do something and you can't stop."
"Why don't you stop?"
Aaargh, because I don't want to "I will sweetie, I will ok, just not today."

I didn't tell my son I'd stopped smoking and mighty glad I didn't. In that week he didn't say anything although a couple of times he came out on the balcony when I was there, saw I wasn't holding Nico Teen and went back inside. Didn't say "You don't smell" when I'd go to give him a kiss at night. Maybe he knew and just wasn't saying.

I will not talk to him about it at all. I didn't tell anyone I had stopped. Not the guy who runs the coffee shop, no friends and I won't unless they ask, my son included. I'll tell him "I'm free!" (That's in Carr's audio!) Only you get bored to tears reader!!

I know the chances of my son smoking later on are quite high. Some children don't start because they've seen someone they love die because of it. I hope that if he does try it (which I hope he doesn't, obviously), he does like my youngest older brother did and decides it's not for him. Doesn't do like I did and coughs and splutters and pukes until he can smoke without doing any of those things. Oh yeah, I was determined!! My youngest older brother was the only member of my family not to continue. I'm the last to quit in my family.

All my friends who 'got me started' gave up years ago.

My son my sun my son. I'll read while you're away.

I love you.