Timing

I wanted to stop smoking today. I had one fag left in the packet yesterday, I felt excited that this morning it would be final one. Gosh, the feeling of extinguishing that cigarette for the very last time, chucking the packet in the bin knowing that I would never buy myself another one again.

I didn't sleep last night though, the first time in this flat. The first time I didn't use Nico Teen to get back to sleep. Would I have done if I'd had Virginia? If I'd had two ready rolled left would I have smoked one of them to help me back to the Land of Nod? Doubt it. They do taste revolting, and I don't know if it's the extra chemicals in them or what, but I've been getting headaches and feeling nauseous since I've been buying them (should make my withdrawal symptoms a breeze when I stop, knowing that!)

I bought another packet of JPS before hopping on the bus this morning. Put it in my bag next to my copy of Easyway To Stop smoking.

Desire and addiction sat side by side. Desire and addiction one in the same thing to the sufferer.

I didn't have a fag when I walked out of the sexual health clinic
I had a fag when I walked out the cafe afterwards.
I wasn't gasping for one
It was automatic. I only became aware after I'd lit it.

One battle at a time.

Do not think failure.