Reproach and Salvation

I was outside the newsagent about to buy filter tips when Allen Carr, the organisation, rang me back following my message yesterday (and not a moment too soon, I can tell you...screaming, not at my son, though in his presence, when I upended the sugar bowl trying to find last night's stash in the cupboard, to take with me to school..)

At that moment, walking to the shop, I was feeling pretty crap; angry that I started smoking again last night. Stupid. STUPID. What if the clinic had no space for me until next month or the month after - was I going to keep smoking until then???? I felt stupid I tell you.

Thank you Joan!
Thank you thank you thank you Joan!
They have space free on the 29th January!
The 29th!!
29!! I can't tell you how special that number is to me!
One more week with this poison, then NO MORE!

Rather than bore you with the reproach that I will undoubtedly feel, I shall instead transpose all that that I wrote in my notebook this week. This way you may somehow understand it. If you are a smoker, you may identify with it. If you've never smoked but have friends or a partner that does, you may understand that our addiction is not at all as lovely as we sometimes make it out to be.

There is a small part of me that still 'loves' Nico Teen (but I'm only saying that now because I hear it calling me and like its slave, I must now go and respond to it's call)

(Transcribed from my notebook because social worker is coming round and I don't want to blog, looking over my shoulder, waiting for the buzzer to ring. Housing officer coming round later - it shouldn't have been the week to stop really but oh well...)

Ha ha, back to blog, can I quickly ask you a huge favour? Could you please sign this petition to have the Easyway method available on the NHS? If it wasn't for the kind man who offered me a free session on this blog, I never would have been able to afford the £220 fee. I am very lucky. Maybe your friends, your partner, could never afford the £220 fee either. It would work out cheaper to the taxpayer than the current Nicoteen Replacement Therapy in the long run.

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/allencarr/

Thank you!