Thursday, 2 February 2012

Men and self help books

This doesn't need to go on the One Night label but it is, just for the flow.

Self help is traditionally a female domain isn't it? Helping yourself is seen as some kind of weakness and men, traditionally, don't want to be perceived as being weak. Hey, with Kindle's now, who's to know?!

Anyway, this post isn't about that.
This post is about how I walked into a charity shop the other week and came out with three books:

The Power Is Within You by Louise Hay
Chicken Soup for the Single's Soul by a bunch of writers
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.

Stiggers and me mention all these books because they all carried an inscription and they were all gifts for men!

To Ross
To Jaybes (John, a flight ticket from Sydney to Adelaide inside..small coincidence, He Who Said I Was Hot was from Adelaide! He wasn't called John though)
from their mums!!
To (another) John and I love this inscription so sorry Eric, sorry John, I'm going to copy it out:

"Dearest John,
This book was a revelation to me + so I'm passing it on to you. May the pages within provoke and inspire you to greater awareness.
I'm awed by your talent + Inspired by your Spirit. Your [sic] Very Special.
I'm Happy our path's were able to cross. All the Best!
And Good Luck wi "Dolly", I'm sure you'll be Great!
Until we meet again - My Cosmic Friend (each word underlined twice!)
Peace - Love - Light
Your Friend, Eric C.."


"When the student is ready, the teacher appears." (The Power is Within You. P.75)

Thanks guys!!!!!

If you are drawn to any of these on the back of this post reader, don't thank me!!
(Though you can thank Stigmum if you like;))

The Power Within You

I'll be honest with you, back when, oh I don't know, I rejected louise Hay.

All those exercises in You Can Heal Your Life, well I couldn't do them, didn't want to do them, oh this isn't working, I'm a failure, go away Louise Hay.

Then a few weeks ago, in a charity shop just up the road, her book "The Power Is Within You" called out from the shelf. "Buy me, buy me!" Rrragh, I have You Can Heal Your Life, I don't need you.

I started reading it in the ad breaks during Celebrity Big Brother.
Oh this is quite good.
This is really good.
Oh Louise, I do love you!

Louise Hay, multimillionaire self healing guru, gives herself to us in this book. Talks about her life. It's all over it, everywhere in the way it isn't in You Can Heal Your Life.

I didn't know she had cancer of the vagina. Did you?
She tells us how she forgave the abusers of her childhood.
She's like, I know how you're feeling.

She made it very easy for me to pick up You Can Heal Your Life on Thursday night.

"I had to acknowledge some nonsense that I didn't want to admit about myself," she writes in the Power Is Within You. "For instance, I was a very resentful person, and I carried a lot of bitterness from the past. I said, "Louise, you have no time to indulge in that anymore. You really must change." Or as Peter Mc Williams says, "You can no longer afford the luxury of a negative thought." (P53 of my copy)

A clear clear, so clear message that came out of Thursday night was that I should give up this blog. Start a new one, build a new one.

I'm reeling from this because there's still so much we want to say. There's still so much that only Stigmum can say. Not because I don't have the courage to say it myself. But because as her conduit, I have to reach for what's negative, to open people's eyes, or allow others to know they are not alone in how they feel.

We ahall see...

Will the council house me if I have cancer?

BANISH THAT THOUGHT

As soon as the thought came to me, I told it to FUCK.RIGHT.OFF.

You'll get extra points

FUCK OFF

Imagine telling your support worker

FUCK OFF

You see reader, I knew a French single mum who still lives in her bedsit up the road with her son my son's age.

She got a brain tumour. Did they house her? No!
She was on death's door. Did they house her? No!

The system doesn't care whether you live or die! Infact, dying will reduce the waiting list! So the council, much to the ConDems pleasure, will say or think, can't be quoted after all, 'hurry up and get on with it!'

So get that thought RIGHT AWAY FROM YOU before you create within you a disease you DO NOT WANT.

I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself.
(Louise L Hay You Can Heal Your Life under Cancer)

It's hard Louise it's hard, particularly when your past is in your present and you are forced to think about it because you are forced to bid every week

No-one ever said the healing process was easy
Right now, you are safe
Write another post and let go of this one.
(Stigmum)

I lovingly release the past and turn my attention to this new day. All is well.
(Louise under Tumors)

MOVE...into the next moment...MOVE

What are we doing to ourselves?

I wasn't looking to blame myself last Thursday night as I pissed blood into the toilet alerted by clots on the paper.

Sure, my first instinct was sex and I was so angry, angry at myself, I blamed the blog. I don't want to admit to being a sexual cripple, I raged. Is that why this has happened? I'm not a sexual cripple. My one night stand was a positive experience. Don't take that away from me

Here'a a thing..The week before He Who Said I Was Hot, was standing in my room, by my bookcase, but I couldn't see what he was looking at because my eyes were closed.

Later I stood where he'd been standing to see what he might have seen. Photo's, a piece of writing by Nelson Mandella, given to me back in 2005 by a social worker when the church was evicting me and my son, which I only took out of it's envelope about two weeks ago and stuck up on my wall to teach me.

What books would he have noticed? The Story of O, The Sorrow of War, Marx, Angela Carter's Fairy Tales, You Can Heal Your Life, Marukami, Robin the Hoodie, On Photography...a real mix

You Can Heal Your Life? I've probably not opened that since, ooh 2005.

I was in a real vacuum of fear and not knowing on Thursday night. I couldn't phone my mum and frighten her, or my sister. I could've called Jo, I'd only seen her two days before, but she was flying out to Italy. A single mum friend had called earlier, asking if I'd come in with her on a 'plant project' ("plants die on you mummy," my son said later). I couldn't tell her, "My pee hurts, I'm bleeding and I don't know what's wrong," I couldn't, I wanted to, I couldn't.

You Can Heal Your Life. You Can Heal Your Life is in your bookcase. At the back of the book are 61 pages of problems with its possible cause and new thought patterns along side it.

Littered all over this label are the new thought patterns I copied out and read and reread that night. I barely glanced at the possible causes.

Here they are for you now though - in relation to bladder problems, urinary problems, female problems (though listen in boys, we share some). I don't know what's up with me but something is and hopefully it's gone now, my seven day antibiotic course ends today.

Bladder Problems (Cystitis) - Anxiety. Holding on to old ideas. Fear of letting go. Being pissed off

Cancer - Deep hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds. "What's the use?"

Urinary Infections (Cystitis, Pyclonephritis) - Pissed off. Usually at the opposite sex or a lover. Blaming others. (Not pissed off at lover I thought at the time, but well pissed off with government, life situation, welfare reforms...)

Uterus - Represents the home of creativity (Stigmum?????)

Vaginitis - See Female Problems, Leukorrhea - Anger at the mate. Sexual guilt. Punishing the self.

Female Problems (See Amenorrhea, Dysmenorrhea, Fibroid Tumors, Leukorrhea, Menstrual Problems, Vaginitis) Denial of the self. Rejecting femininity. Rejection of the feminine principle.

If we go back, if I go right back..

Whatever I have is a WARNING

What was the very last thing I posted that Thursday before the big OW?

Peter Paul and Mary - I hammer out WARNING. I hammer out DANGER.

You see, I feel I have to write down this stuff.

It's up to you if you want to change

but my time has come

I hope I'm listening.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

I am Velcro

Self realisation is an epiphany

I am Velcro
I allow things to STICK to me
I allow negative things to STICK to me
So fast they are stuck that I can't peel them off
So old
Men don't rape women
Women rape men
You're a hole between two legs

So new
Cancer cancer
Y Mama Tambien?
We have a duty to ourselves
That's what I wrote
I wrote that
ON HERE
before all this
We can change
We can all change
You Can Heal Your Life
In my bookcase Thursday night
Stick a positive on you
Right Here
Right Now
I am beautiful
I love
I am
LOVE

Antibiotic knock on effects

The antibiotics have given me thrush. Woo hoo! Lucky me!! Really releasing stuff....

Commonly viewed as an STI, I am sensitive to yeast infections...cotton knickers, no bubble bath, you women know. Chemist said it's a common side effect to antibiotics, that itchy fire down there...

So tis not the boy, er, man. Refuse to park the condition there anyway.

The antibiotics aren't a laugh a minute. I have got pains in my sides as though my inner tubes are being given a chinese burn. Again, any woman who has ever had period pain, will know how this feels. I'm sure men can identify with chinese burns. Well, my brothers used to give me them all the time, so no doubt one another too.

Right, Louisa, not something I looked up that One Night but it has its place on this label none the less.

You listening girls and boys?

She says if you have thrush it is probably caused by 'anger over wrong decisions' - I made no wrong decisions, erm, recently...

Under Yeast Infection Louisa says it's probably caused by denying your own needs and not supporting yourself, which is erm, a wrong decision isn't it...

I lovingly accept my decisions, knowing I am free to change. I am safe (under Thrush)
or/and
I now choose to support myself in loving joyous ways (under Yeast Infections)

Drink plenty of water
Top tip from my NHS friend is rehydration solutions, to replace the minerals the antibiotics are sucking up

Release

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Peeing in the bath - Urinary Tract Infections

After giving birth naturally, it's a relief to pee in the bath, because it fucking stings.
With a urinary infection, you can't. I tried. It hurts big time.

Peeing with a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) which is not the same as a torn vaginal passage was a new sensation for me, and because I don't know if I've got a UTI, I don't know what I've got, I don't know if what I'm about to tell you is what a UTI feels like. (Comments from other women, or even men who have had UTI's, would be handy here, but hey, if you don't want to, you don't want to, that's fine)

The peeing itself is not bad. It's the end of the peeing experience which is bad. The end when the last drops are dripping. It did make me feel like I did at the end of giving birth when I was pushing my son's head out. It's not a burning sensation exactly (which my son was I think) but flip, lucky we girls sit, I could bang my feet together as the intensity got bigger and bigger and more and painful as though it might explode down there.

You need to go to the loo so often but you'll be scared so drink LOADS of water so at least your passing through something instead of hardly anything. Subconciously it helps and physically water is the best thing for you anyway.

I'm laughing at a memory

He Who Said I Was Hot told me he'd taken the morning after pill before. "Really?" I said, laughing. "Have you? I took the morning after pill with the Foca and bled for two weeks."
"That's too much information," he replied at which I laughed even louder. "You're not squeamish are you?!"

Oh fuck, another memory, not so funny.
I told him one night stand's were easy.
"This is easy isn't it? No-one gets hurt."
Oh yeah? Oh yeah??????
Easy for who?

I comfortably and easily release the old and welcome the new in my life. I am safe.

(Louise.L.Hay You Can Heal Your Life under Cystitis see Bladder Problems)