I can't articulate the magnitude so I won't even try.
Tomorrow morning I have a 2 hour exam which if I pass will be a positive step in direction of my dreams - namely to learn shorthand (in the short-term) and get a payrise.(in the long-term)
Tomorrow afternoon I am viewing a flat. This is huge, this is so big, this is enormous.
The flat is great for my son, but not for me, on account of Zat bike and there being no space for it. It's a form of transport I need. Would you get rid of your much loved car because the home you've had a choiceless choice to move into meant you had to? Anyway, I'm saying YES and feel really fucking sick. I don't want to lose the bike. Argos have a 65% clearance sale going on though so timing couldn't be more perfect if we got it. Starting from scratch here...neither of us have beds and that's just the start...
I need to share some coincidences...I'll be quick, I don't like long posts particularly unless they are well written and well, love Stigmum as I do, I am her conduit and a hopeless judge.
The flat I'm viewing tomorrow is in the same block, or next door to the block where I said 'no' to a flat 6 years ago. (The first person had accepted it so I didn't see why I had to...)
I got a call on Tuesday, after posting (!) to go and view a flat I bid on in.... Papier Mache Towers! Yes, the place my son and I wrote this entire blog from when we were being evicted. "Aren't there plans to knock it down?" I said to the woman on the phone. "I don't know about that," she said. "I'm only given names to call. Do you want to view it?"
Yesterday I bet myself that on the bidding boards today, there would be a garden flat. There would be my 'ideal home'.
Bingo! There it was. Ground and basement floors with a garden. Steps so not for wheelchairs. And where is it? Why, the very street my son first lived on. A few doors down from where we both lived with the Foca. The very first place we were booted out from. Well, given no choice but to leave.
It made me think about Posh Street, where we were evicted from afterwards, narrowly avoiding a hostel only to land in Papier Mache Towers. I'd stand in the Posh Street's park in those dark days and implore the sky: "Please, one day, bring me back to Rochester!" like a Bronte heroine, only not half as cool.
Imagine...(I breathe, it is, all, if not too much, alot)
Anything could happen. Who knows what can happen? Not me (I've been reading posts that I saw others had read from Stiggers stats - long story ey stigs, a long long story but them readers picked some good ones for me to read back on. Your best is sometimes hard to find)
I'm praying I pass that exam tomorrow morning.
With the housing, I'm praying, I'm praying hard for the best outcome.
Whatever happens, I'm saying YES.
With that I relinquish control and hope the best, whatever that may be, comes to me and my boy.
My son, my sun, my boy, my buoy.
He asked to sleep in my bed tonight - "So you can hear me breathing if you can't sleep. I remember you said that used to help you when we shared a room"
How many times can you win in life?
I won with him; my son my sun my buoy, my boy.
I win for him now.
best outcomes best outcome best outcomes
Showing posts with label Teaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teaching. Show all posts
Thursday, 10 January 2013
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Sexual healing for women
A conversation with a friend the other day who hasn't had a boyfriend for years and years and years and he didn't treat her very well anyway so confidence about getting a boyfriend is at all time low.
"Do you masterbate?" I asked her, quite uncomfortably actually. It wasn't long ago I could ask that question about myself.
Anyway, I suggested to look around a website I found
This is an article I ended up on that I believe could be beneficial to many women:
http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/how_to_have_female_orgasms.htm
I've not done the exercises yet, can't imagine doing them as I write this (ie, I've not got my hand down my pants) but it can be isolating being unhappily single, so get to know yourself and start to feel empowered by who you are.
For many women, the answer lies simply in giving yourself permission to be a sexual being, and by taking possession of your sexuality. You need to define your sexuality rather than allowing others to do it for you. For most, it is not a question of creating your sexuality but accepting it in its current form. The problem may not be your body and sexuality, but rather what you have been attempting to do with or to them. Learning to accept and celebrate your sexuality may be as simple as reading through this website to gain a greater understanding of your body and sexuality. (The-Clitoris.com)
OK?
"Do you masterbate?" I asked her, quite uncomfortably actually. It wasn't long ago I could ask that question about myself.
Anyway, I suggested to look around a website I found
This is an article I ended up on that I believe could be beneficial to many women:
http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/how_to_have_female_orgasms.htm
I've not done the exercises yet, can't imagine doing them as I write this (ie, I've not got my hand down my pants) but it can be isolating being unhappily single, so get to know yourself and start to feel empowered by who you are.
For many women, the answer lies simply in giving yourself permission to be a sexual being, and by taking possession of your sexuality. You need to define your sexuality rather than allowing others to do it for you. For most, it is not a question of creating your sexuality but accepting it in its current form. The problem may not be your body and sexuality, but rather what you have been attempting to do with or to them. Learning to accept and celebrate your sexuality may be as simple as reading through this website to gain a greater understanding of your body and sexuality. (The-Clitoris.com)
OK?
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
We are all connected
Was it an accident that me and He Who Said I Was Hot weren't perfect strangers?
No six degrees of separation for us; only one
Jo
She emailed him. Fancy that! He said to her, not to me.
We are all connected. I'm no different to you. You are no different to me.
My point is this though:
If what I've got is serious (they've scheduled me a scan)
Do I let him know?
No six degrees of separation for us; only one
Jo
She emailed him. Fancy that! He said to her, not to me.
We are all connected. I'm no different to you. You are no different to me.
My point is this though:
If what I've got is serious (they've scheduled me a scan)
Do I let him know?
Monday, 6 February 2012
"Repent! God is Good News!"
The Sunday following my one night stand I woke up feeling positive about life but also very much stuck in mine. So very stuck I consulted my angel cards and was told to "follow the signs".
"Repent!" bellowed the priest an hour later.
I can't believe it. I shake my head inside myself as my childhood God forces me to my knees to beg forgiveness, sinner that I am.
"Repent!" he bellows again. "Repent means change! God is Good News!"
My inner head stops shaking and I listen.
"Doesn't matter if you are good person or a bad person God will not judge you!"
And I think of Hitler and Walsh's Conversations with God and wonder if the priest has read this "blasphemous" text.
"Repent means change! In your heart turn the face of God towards you and make every decision from there!"
Now you reader, may have a problem with the word God. That's fine, I did too once. But imagine for a minute the word means Love.
Turn and face the Love within yourself
It's not easy; it's taken me years
You know, when I say the Hail Mary now, I end it saying "Pray for our souls, now and at the hour of our death." Not, "Pray for us sinners.."
I can do that as a fully paid up member of the School of Doris, God is very much Que Sera Sera. He and She and It does not judge you or me or us.
Facing the Love we have within ourselves will reward us more than facing and making decisions based on fear or anger or envy or resentment.
As promised the One Night label has to end with this post or it could go on and on and I want it to finish with a happy ending.
Love not fear as it began
This is the beginning and how this label ends.
Thanks for reading it, I hope it helps you.
Love
Me xxx
"Repent!" bellowed the priest an hour later.
I can't believe it. I shake my head inside myself as my childhood God forces me to my knees to beg forgiveness, sinner that I am.
"Repent!" he bellows again. "Repent means change! God is Good News!"
My inner head stops shaking and I listen.
"Doesn't matter if you are good person or a bad person God will not judge you!"
And I think of Hitler and Walsh's Conversations with God and wonder if the priest has read this "blasphemous" text.
"Repent means change! In your heart turn the face of God towards you and make every decision from there!"
Now you reader, may have a problem with the word God. That's fine, I did too once. But imagine for a minute the word means Love.
Turn and face the Love within yourself
It's not easy; it's taken me years
You know, when I say the Hail Mary now, I end it saying "Pray for our souls, now and at the hour of our death." Not, "Pray for us sinners.."
I can do that as a fully paid up member of the School of Doris, God is very much Que Sera Sera. He and She and It does not judge you or me or us.
Facing the Love we have within ourselves will reward us more than facing and making decisions based on fear or anger or envy or resentment.
As promised the One Night label has to end with this post or it could go on and on and I want it to finish with a happy ending.
Love not fear as it began
This is the beginning and how this label ends.
Thanks for reading it, I hope it helps you.
Love
Me xxx
"You are powerful beyond measure" - Mandela
Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech from 1994, given to me by my social worker in 2005, recently taken out of the envelope in which it came and stuck on my wall.
Stick it on yours. Read it everyday. Do not be afraid of your light and accept others may be afraid of yours. Take it from one who knows (that's me, I can't speak for Mandela!)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God - Your playing small
doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us
It is not in just some of us; It is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Stick it on yours. Read it everyday. Do not be afraid of your light and accept others may be afraid of yours. Take it from one who knows (that's me, I can't speak for Mandela!)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God - Your playing small
doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us
It is not in just some of us; It is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Saturday, 28 January 2012
One Night
This new label, One Night, refers to last Thursday night when I bought my son home from school and I really needed a wee. I went, barely anything, but pain, then five minutes later, the need to go again and within half an hour, not wanting to go, for fear of that pain and then
fear
of all kinds of things
and anger
at all kinds of things
but most of all
the cruel coincidence
that I'd had sex for the first time in fucking ages (don't forgive the pun) and it couldn't be just the good, clean, positive, fun that it was could it?? No.
It's going to be a big label. I think. I don't know.
I was so scared that Thursday night, I felt I had no-one to talk to, felt I had no-one to call and of course, things just rush rush rush into your head that makes you THANK GOD for TRASH TV (Sorry 'benders, you're not trash)
I thought I had cystitus...maybe I do...never had anything like anything before so no idea. Anyway, this thought made me think of sex and the past of course, LOVES to rear it's head. Pissed off are you Rape label that I won't put anything about me on you again? This post definitely the last, definitely, where rape associates with my experience OK?
See, the search for blame...you look everywhere...and the search got really dark after I saw my water was pink and my paper was clotted and it wasn't my period.
My one night stand was just a night, and a morning too. THIS LABEL IS NOT ABOUT THAT, though I will write about it (Hey, ye Who Said I Was Hot, you could be anyone, just like me, so don't sweat it, I just regret writing that I told you I wrote a blog but you didn't ask for the link so guessed you were alright with me writing about you. I wasn't going to write about you anymore than I did. I wasn't. Now who knows when I'll stop. Your fault for being a positive experience.)
This label is about being alone. Being alone with thoughts you can't share with anyone. It's all retrospective of course now, but not really. As I write this, nothing is clear, so writing some things will be really difficult. It's out there. Are they self fulfilling prophecies? What am I creating? I've got to turn that fear which is beneath everything at the moment, into something positive.
This label is about Thursday night which led to Friday morning, where I went to the doctor, which I have to post about, which I don't want to, but what you resist persists God said in those Conversations.
The label has to end on a good note. I've too much blogging experience now to know that it's dangerous to take people on a journey with you... be it to a council flat or to the dentist, although I did take you on my stop smoking journey and it's a year tomorrow that I stopped - Yippee!! Shall I celebrate with you Nico Teen? Awfully hard writing all this...NO! No I shan't! Al Cohol....?
Can't. I'm on antibiotics for a week, my pee sample's been sent to the lab. I will know the result, but you won't, reader. It's an opportunity for me
An opportunity for me to do what stigs?
Well we don't know, do we, self elected leaders of the party that we are.
We just know that things we wanted to write that aren't part of the label will come under the label and that you will know it's over when I write REPENT.
Sunday after the Friday before...The day I asked the angel cards what I can do and the card I got back was from Angel Gabriel, saying he was with me, and to follow the signs... I did that and was told to REPENT.
You lead Gabes, I'll follow...
(and look out for signs!)
fear
of all kinds of things
and anger
at all kinds of things
but most of all
the cruel coincidence
that I'd had sex for the first time in fucking ages (don't forgive the pun) and it couldn't be just the good, clean, positive, fun that it was could it?? No.
It's going to be a big label. I think. I don't know.
I was so scared that Thursday night, I felt I had no-one to talk to, felt I had no-one to call and of course, things just rush rush rush into your head that makes you THANK GOD for TRASH TV (Sorry 'benders, you're not trash)
I thought I had cystitus...maybe I do...never had anything like anything before so no idea. Anyway, this thought made me think of sex and the past of course, LOVES to rear it's head. Pissed off are you Rape label that I won't put anything about me on you again? This post definitely the last, definitely, where rape associates with my experience OK?
See, the search for blame...you look everywhere...and the search got really dark after I saw my water was pink and my paper was clotted and it wasn't my period.
My one night stand was just a night, and a morning too. THIS LABEL IS NOT ABOUT THAT, though I will write about it (Hey, ye Who Said I Was Hot, you could be anyone, just like me, so don't sweat it, I just regret writing that I told you I wrote a blog but you didn't ask for the link so guessed you were alright with me writing about you. I wasn't going to write about you anymore than I did. I wasn't. Now who knows when I'll stop. Your fault for being a positive experience.)
This label is about being alone. Being alone with thoughts you can't share with anyone. It's all retrospective of course now, but not really. As I write this, nothing is clear, so writing some things will be really difficult. It's out there. Are they self fulfilling prophecies? What am I creating? I've got to turn that fear which is beneath everything at the moment, into something positive.
This label is about Thursday night which led to Friday morning, where I went to the doctor, which I have to post about, which I don't want to, but what you resist persists God said in those Conversations.
The label has to end on a good note. I've too much blogging experience now to know that it's dangerous to take people on a journey with you... be it to a council flat or to the dentist, although I did take you on my stop smoking journey and it's a year tomorrow that I stopped - Yippee!! Shall I celebrate with you Nico Teen? Awfully hard writing all this...NO! No I shan't! Al Cohol....?
Can't. I'm on antibiotics for a week, my pee sample's been sent to the lab. I will know the result, but you won't, reader. It's an opportunity for me
An opportunity for me to do what stigs?
Well we don't know, do we, self elected leaders of the party that we are.
We just know that things we wanted to write that aren't part of the label will come under the label and that you will know it's over when I write REPENT.
Sunday after the Friday before...The day I asked the angel cards what I can do and the card I got back was from Angel Gabriel, saying he was with me, and to follow the signs... I did that and was told to REPENT.
You lead Gabes, I'll follow...
(and look out for signs!)
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Confessions to the Reverend
At Monday's lobby and again, yesterday's lobby, I met the Reverend who I've met a few times.
Yesterday, of course, he remembered me straight away and came up to say hello.
I told him that on Tuesday I'd done some sums regarding the £26000 cap. How it effects me and how it effects another single mother but who lives in a council flat.
He asked me if I'd send him the figures and I said sure, but please don't say it's me who lives in the private flat. He said he wouldn't.
"Oh Father," I continued. "Working it out was so depressing that I just got really drunk!"
"Oh you mustn't do that," he said.
"I couldn't help it Father. So many people find life so hard at the moment and you need some form of escape..."
"I understand but it's also very expensive,"
"Oh no Father, the supermarket's know how we're feeling and doing some great deals at the moment. You can get a whole pack of beers for £3.50!"
He shook his head, his eyes brimming with sorrow saying "Try, and do send me those figures so I can lobby with them."
"I will Father, today!"
He's replied this morning. "Thankyou very, very, much."
My pleasure Father. Thank YOU.
My absolute pleasure Father given the former Archbishop of Canterbury has sided with the government on welfare handouts, saying bishops "cannot lay claim to the moral highground":
"The sheer scale of our public debt, which hit £1trillion yesterday, is the greatest moral scandal facing Britain today.
If we can’t get the deficit under control and begin paying back this debt, we will be mortgaging the futures of our children and grandchildren.
In order to do this, we desperately need to reform our welfare system." (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091330/Lord-Carey-benefits-cap-Fuelling-culture-welfare-dependency-immoral.html)
Reform our welfare system, not our banking system? You too, are with punishing the poor as you side with the rich Lord Carey?
His own father worked and his mother STAYED AT HOME. "Hard-working people." I am not a person?
He says Duncan Smith "has come to realise that we have betrayed the poorest and most vulnerable by merely throwing money at them, be it income support or housing benefit, with no strings attached."
No, we've been betrayed by a lack of affordable housing, low wages which don't rise with inflation and now beating everyone with a stick as companies sack people by the hundreds. The construction industry alone will lose 45,000 jobs this year.(http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2012/jan/25/construction-industry-lose-45000-jobs-2012) Why no mention of any of this in these articles???
Oh Lord Carey, your fellow bishops aren't wrong. You, like so many others, just can't see the bigger picture. Or don't want to see it.
Yesterday's Evening Standard actually led me to this story. I've tried reading other commentator's in the Daily Mail this morning but it's hurting my eyes too much.
I was blind you see, like them, I admit it, but now I see things in ways I never could before I lost everything at a click of a finger.
That's all it takes
It's that quick
From there you must rise against ever rising obstacles.
The futures of our children and grandchildren indeed.
Preserving hope is easy to say when one is rich hey former Archbishop Lord Carey?
Once again Reverend, thank you very much.
Yesterday, of course, he remembered me straight away and came up to say hello.
I told him that on Tuesday I'd done some sums regarding the £26000 cap. How it effects me and how it effects another single mother but who lives in a council flat.
He asked me if I'd send him the figures and I said sure, but please don't say it's me who lives in the private flat. He said he wouldn't.
"Oh Father," I continued. "Working it out was so depressing that I just got really drunk!"
"Oh you mustn't do that," he said.
"I couldn't help it Father. So many people find life so hard at the moment and you need some form of escape..."
"I understand but it's also very expensive,"
"Oh no Father, the supermarket's know how we're feeling and doing some great deals at the moment. You can get a whole pack of beers for £3.50!"
He shook his head, his eyes brimming with sorrow saying "Try, and do send me those figures so I can lobby with them."
"I will Father, today!"
He's replied this morning. "Thankyou very, very, much."
My pleasure Father. Thank YOU.
My absolute pleasure Father given the former Archbishop of Canterbury has sided with the government on welfare handouts, saying bishops "cannot lay claim to the moral highground":
"The sheer scale of our public debt, which hit £1trillion yesterday, is the greatest moral scandal facing Britain today.
If we can’t get the deficit under control and begin paying back this debt, we will be mortgaging the futures of our children and grandchildren.
In order to do this, we desperately need to reform our welfare system." (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091330/Lord-Carey-benefits-cap-Fuelling-culture-welfare-dependency-immoral.html)
Reform our welfare system, not our banking system? You too, are with punishing the poor as you side with the rich Lord Carey?
His own father worked and his mother STAYED AT HOME. "Hard-working people." I am not a person?
He says Duncan Smith "has come to realise that we have betrayed the poorest and most vulnerable by merely throwing money at them, be it income support or housing benefit, with no strings attached."
No, we've been betrayed by a lack of affordable housing, low wages which don't rise with inflation and now beating everyone with a stick as companies sack people by the hundreds. The construction industry alone will lose 45,000 jobs this year.(http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2012/jan/25/construction-industry-lose-45000-jobs-2012) Why no mention of any of this in these articles???
Oh Lord Carey, your fellow bishops aren't wrong. You, like so many others, just can't see the bigger picture. Or don't want to see it.
Yesterday's Evening Standard actually led me to this story. I've tried reading other commentator's in the Daily Mail this morning but it's hurting my eyes too much.
I was blind you see, like them, I admit it, but now I see things in ways I never could before I lost everything at a click of a finger.
That's all it takes
It's that quick
From there you must rise against ever rising obstacles.
The futures of our children and grandchildren indeed.
Preserving hope is easy to say when one is rich hey former Archbishop Lord Carey?
Once again Reverend, thank you very much.
Monday, 23 January 2012
Message of hope from Lorna Bryne
Got this in my inbox this morning.
Sometimes things are really timely.
You get things at the right time, or at the time you need them.
Even if you don't believe in angels, just suspend your disbelief
One thing's for sure, believing in them can't hurt but can comfort
Sometimes things are really timely.
You get things at the right time, or at the time you need them.
Even if you don't believe in angels, just suspend your disbelief
One thing's for sure, believing in them can't hurt but can comfort
Happy (Chinese) New Year!
Year of the Dragon!
(Whatever that means!)
More to the point,
A New Year!!!
An opportunity to start again with something, anything,
Yourself!
It also coincides today with a
New Moon
My advice, is take it easy
breathe
listen to your instincts
Don't lose hope
Start by being kind to yourself
Try and believe that everything will be OK
Just believe that
believe it
believe it
believe it
EVERYTHING WILL BE OK
(I know, quite funny coming from me, but there you go! Happy New Year!)
(Whatever that means!)
More to the point,
A New Year!!!
An opportunity to start again with something, anything,
Yourself!
It also coincides today with a
New Moon
My advice, is take it easy
breathe
listen to your instincts
Don't lose hope
Start by being kind to yourself
Try and believe that everything will be OK
Just believe that
believe it
believe it
believe it
EVERYTHING WILL BE OK
(I know, quite funny coming from me, but there you go! Happy New Year!)
In which direction do I go?
Blogging is reflecting my life.
I want to concentrate on healing myself but then go off and read stuff about housing and feel myself get so angry (Clegg saying this weekend he supports the benefits cap.. I take it personally, he met me, he took my details, he said he would help but I can't see how kicking me and other parents, disabled, elderly, in the teeth is helping
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-16671210)
I want to concentrate on healing myself and blog about that. Thousands of other people feel like shit about all kinds of thing, maybe something I might say might make them feel better. Oh I don't know...
I'm obsessed with housing though. I can't help reading about it now there's so much coverage in the press with all these reform bills going through. As you know though, I find it depressing. It hurts. I feel I'm being attacked and I am, benefit recipients are being hit really hard, those in work and those not.
On Sunday, yesterday, I woke up so, so...I don't know, stuck.
I've got angel cards on my bedside table so picked them up and shuffled them. "What can I do? What can I do?
The card I picked was Angel Gabriel, telling me he was with me and to follow the signs.
Signs? What signs?
I continue to blog by instinct then?
I give blogging a rest?
I blog about love?
I blog about housing?
I blog about benefits as a form of defence for others on benefits?
I blog about positive things ONLY
but then where do I put the outside things that drag me down?
At the time the sign was to get out of bed, and given how I feel, that's a mighty good start.
For anyone, not just me.
I want to concentrate on healing myself but then go off and read stuff about housing and feel myself get so angry (Clegg saying this weekend he supports the benefits cap.. I take it personally, he met me, he took my details, he said he would help but I can't see how kicking me and other parents, disabled, elderly, in the teeth is helping
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-16671210)
I want to concentrate on healing myself and blog about that. Thousands of other people feel like shit about all kinds of thing, maybe something I might say might make them feel better. Oh I don't know...
I'm obsessed with housing though. I can't help reading about it now there's so much coverage in the press with all these reform bills going through. As you know though, I find it depressing. It hurts. I feel I'm being attacked and I am, benefit recipients are being hit really hard, those in work and those not.
On Sunday, yesterday, I woke up so, so...I don't know, stuck.
I've got angel cards on my bedside table so picked them up and shuffled them. "What can I do? What can I do?
The card I picked was Angel Gabriel, telling me he was with me and to follow the signs.
Signs? What signs?
I continue to blog by instinct then?
I give blogging a rest?
I blog about love?
I blog about housing?
I blog about benefits as a form of defence for others on benefits?
I blog about positive things ONLY
but then where do I put the outside things that drag me down?
At the time the sign was to get out of bed, and given how I feel, that's a mighty good start.
For anyone, not just me.
Friday, 6 January 2012
Pregnant standing in the Killing Fields - a dream
I was pregnant in my dream last night. Quite heavily so, standing in a courtyard.
I could hear people being executed. I could hear gun shots.
Around the corner of a concrete building walked two people, two Asian people; a man and a woman in army green prisoners fatigues.
I wanted to look away, I didn't want to see them get shot but they simply stood there looking at me and as I recognised them I woke up.
I didn't/don't know what it means really though I when I was little my dream job was to go to places like Cambodia and inform people what was happening there. I would report injustice. I didn't do that though did I? I did a whole load of different jobs but not that one.
Google's just told me my being pregnant is a good sign
Dreams about pregnancy often symbolize creativity, new ideas, projects or relationships. (http://www.luciddreaminghowto.org/dreams-of-being-pregnant.html)
I hope so I hope so I hope so
For all those caught in wars right now, globally, everywhere, my thoughts are with you.
Now, what am I going to do with my life?
I could hear people being executed. I could hear gun shots.
Around the corner of a concrete building walked two people, two Asian people; a man and a woman in army green prisoners fatigues.
I wanted to look away, I didn't want to see them get shot but they simply stood there looking at me and as I recognised them I woke up.
I didn't/don't know what it means really though I when I was little my dream job was to go to places like Cambodia and inform people what was happening there. I would report injustice. I didn't do that though did I? I did a whole load of different jobs but not that one.
Google's just told me my being pregnant is a good sign
Dreams about pregnancy often symbolize creativity, new ideas, projects or relationships. (http://www.luciddreaminghowto.org/dreams-of-being-pregnant.html)
I hope so I hope so I hope so
For all those caught in wars right now, globally, everywhere, my thoughts are with you.
Now, what am I going to do with my life?
I want to kill myself
The very fact that I am quite open about the desire to kill myself means that I will never do it.
I am open about it on this blog so you may understand the mindsets of people who aren't open about it, who never mention it, but of course, just one day do it.
I could have told the doctor this morning I wanted to kill myself but she would have ignored it as it's on record that I've said I want to but will never do it. (ha ha ha the sardonic chuckle)
The welfare system now, as it's been "reformed", does not manage people's problems as it did in the past, but just makes them worse.
(I've pinched that line from Public Enemies, the bbc drama about a probation officer and an ex offender who doesn't "comply" with his parole..says he was innocent of his crime..so put as 'high risk' and punished accordingly..ends tonight)
It makes me sad you know, the rise we will see in suicides. Crime is rising; muggings, burglaries, stabbings, that kind of thing.
A cheery thought though (for me admittedly). I read in this month's Soul and Spirit magazine an article by the Barefoot Doctor who said whether the world ends this year or not, we should live as though it is and make the most of it.
"So," he says. "if this really were your last year on Earth, what would you like to make happen that would truly fulfil you and make you feel as if you've had your money's worth this time around? Again, I'm not talking about external things, such as a car, house, relationship, baby, job, etc but, more importantly, the inner feelings that would make your entire system hum: a new resolve, discipline, enlightenment, self-confidence, creativity, passion, awareness and the enjoyment you wish to feel.......Remember, as the great writer Bernard Shaw once said, 'life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself, so think about what you'd like more of, and go for it."
Create yourself don't kill yourself Create yourself don't kill yourself Create yourself don't kill yourself Create...
I am open about it on this blog so you may understand the mindsets of people who aren't open about it, who never mention it, but of course, just one day do it.
I could have told the doctor this morning I wanted to kill myself but she would have ignored it as it's on record that I've said I want to but will never do it. (ha ha ha the sardonic chuckle)
The welfare system now, as it's been "reformed", does not manage people's problems as it did in the past, but just makes them worse.
(I've pinched that line from Public Enemies, the bbc drama about a probation officer and an ex offender who doesn't "comply" with his parole..says he was innocent of his crime..so put as 'high risk' and punished accordingly..ends tonight)
It makes me sad you know, the rise we will see in suicides. Crime is rising; muggings, burglaries, stabbings, that kind of thing.
A cheery thought though (for me admittedly). I read in this month's Soul and Spirit magazine an article by the Barefoot Doctor who said whether the world ends this year or not, we should live as though it is and make the most of it.
"So," he says. "if this really were your last year on Earth, what would you like to make happen that would truly fulfil you and make you feel as if you've had your money's worth this time around? Again, I'm not talking about external things, such as a car, house, relationship, baby, job, etc but, more importantly, the inner feelings that would make your entire system hum: a new resolve, discipline, enlightenment, self-confidence, creativity, passion, awareness and the enjoyment you wish to feel.......Remember, as the great writer Bernard Shaw once said, 'life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself, so think about what you'd like more of, and go for it."
Create yourself don't kill yourself Create yourself don't kill yourself Create yourself don't kill yourself Create...
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Let faith be your shield
I unearthed this poem yesterday when having a big clearout, that my son's class performed a couple of years ago.
"It's not a poem mummy, it's a song," said my son.
Here it is, I don't know who wrote it, but I like it and so might you.
When a knight won his spurs, in the stories of old,
He was gentle and brave, he was gallant and bold,
With a shield on his arm and a lance in his hand
For God and for valour he rode through the land.
No charger have I, and no sword by my side,
Yet still to adventure and battle I ride,
Though back into storyland giants have fled,
And the knights are no more and the dragons are dead.
Let faith be my shield and let joy be my steed
'Gainst the dragons of anger, the ogres of greed;
And let me set free, with the sword of my youth,
From the castle of darkness the power of the truth.
"It's not a poem mummy, it's a song," said my son.
Here it is, I don't know who wrote it, but I like it and so might you.
When a knight won his spurs, in the stories of old,
He was gentle and brave, he was gallant and bold,
With a shield on his arm and a lance in his hand
For God and for valour he rode through the land.
No charger have I, and no sword by my side,
Yet still to adventure and battle I ride,
Though back into storyland giants have fled,
And the knights are no more and the dragons are dead.
Let faith be my shield and let joy be my steed
'Gainst the dragons of anger, the ogres of greed;
And let me set free, with the sword of my youth,
From the castle of darkness the power of the truth.
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Our Advent Calender
After my son opens a window he dips his little hand into the Quality Street tin I bought reduced in the supermarket.
Before he knew we were doing this he was so upset I wouldn't get him a chocolate calender but I told him the whole point of Christmas, the whole message was lost to him.
"It's not all about presents, presents, presents you know!"
Tis though innit, about gifts.
The gift of life; our families, our friends, our selves.
It's a moment to celebrate all we have and be thankful for it.
I wish you all a very very Merry Christmas and a bountiful New Year!
Hopeful Horoscopes Hosanna!
Do you need to do some talking? Or do you need to do some listening? There's a point you are keen to communicate. Understandably so. It is important. Indeed, we have to ask, if it matters so much, why is it not already self-evident? Is it because you can see further than someone else. Is it because you have information that someone else is oblivious to? Perhaps a third party can help you to find some way to draw it to their attention. You can't just hold up a megaphone and shout. It's necessary to be subtle and sensitive. What joyous potential can 2012 bring you?
(Jonathan Cainer)
I'm going to a carol concert tonight, which is followed by a champagne reception, dahling.
I don't know how to talk, I don't know how to listen, but I know I have to pass information. I have a chance to pass information.
It calls for Magic Pants and Pearl Earings I think
(and no, I haven't blogged about that yet, but I will, now the need to pull them out pops up again)
Wish me luck. Oh God, a little bit of luck oh, and an ability to talk, to listen and to SING!!!
Tra la laaaaaaa a a a a oh!
(Jonathan Cainer)
I'm going to a carol concert tonight, which is followed by a champagne reception, dahling.
I don't know how to talk, I don't know how to listen, but I know I have to pass information. I have a chance to pass information.
It calls for Magic Pants and Pearl Earings I think
(and no, I haven't blogged about that yet, but I will, now the need to pull them out pops up again)
Wish me luck. Oh God, a little bit of luck oh, and an ability to talk, to listen and to SING!!!
Tra la laaaaaaa a a a a oh!
Monday, 5 December 2011
We need to look out for and teach our children
A friend posted this on facebook this morning. It's young Jonah Mowry reaching out. It is heartbreaking.
Yesterday I read a heartbreaking story so relevant to this one. That of 15 year old Dominic Crouch who was driven to suicide following playground taunts that he was gay, a homo.
They've started calling each other gay in my son's class. These young boys don't understand the implication or what it means and I've told my son when he's been called so to laugh it off saying there's nothing wrong with being gay, gay means happy, or his favourite, what you say is what you are.
Above all, I have told my son never to tease someone else in this way, not even for a laugh. He's talked about sexism and racism recently and I've told him this is discriminatory aswell.
As the comment in the Observer says: "School children endure stress and misery as homophobic abuse and name-calling go unnoticed or unpunished. As casual racism and sexism have become increasingly unacceptable, homophobic name calling is passing into everyday use."
Bullying of any nature is awful for the child.
It is our role, along with their schools, to teach them about tolerance, acceptance, and, like the Observer says tackle the 'real issue about respect and identity.
The landscape for our children isn't a bright one at the moment. They're leaving school to either get indebted with university fees or chase jobs that aren't there.
If they have very low self value and very low self worth too they will find living intolerably hard.
Jonah, thank you for having the courage to post your pain and having the courage not to be defeated by any of it. I wish you the very very best for your future.
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Taking breaks from Life
I've swooped into Blogland to let you know I shall probably start writing again next week, and it will probably be retrospective stuff written over the past two that I've not been on here.
I'm in a funny space. Funny strange and funny haha and funny cos it's not funny at all. One of those spaces! You know it?!
I took myself to the doctor and said I was fine apart from the headaches and I was generally ok, ya know. Told her I'd been to a psychic healer and was reading about God.
Well...bless her, she said I was very depressed and needed something more 'concrete'. I sniggered because God is a pretty concrete concept to me at the moment (that's what reading does to you...)
But, you know, my Life. Nothing much to snigger about there for millions of us. The Chancellors shoved his austerity cloak/blanket/shroud on women and children (I read in the Mirror yesterday) and my housing associatiion is saying I'm now £2067 in arrears and the job centre has sent me a P45 form. I've just signed off sick, not signing on for paid employment.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, there is the space I am in. What I do not understand I push to the side so I don't have to deal with it and then turn my attention to Light and Love and the Universe and God and my Son and Christmas being the Season of Goodwill.
I know though, as you must know, that things that you push to the side, things that you ignore have a habit of coming back to you and slapping you in the face so hard your head spins.
That's the space I am in. My head is spinning.
It's not bad actually. Actually it's better than I've ever felt before. Woooo! What a trip! Just don't talk to me about reality!!
"You need something more concrete" says the doc.
Tell that to the Government...
Well, until the next time my friends!!!
In the meantime take a look at Conversations with God Book 3. How a purposeful successful Matriachy became a Patriachy and all you might want to know about the After Life. It's good, it's really good. It's very comforting too!
I'm in a funny space. Funny strange and funny haha and funny cos it's not funny at all. One of those spaces! You know it?!
I took myself to the doctor and said I was fine apart from the headaches and I was generally ok, ya know. Told her I'd been to a psychic healer and was reading about God.
Well...bless her, she said I was very depressed and needed something more 'concrete'. I sniggered because God is a pretty concrete concept to me at the moment (that's what reading does to you...)
But, you know, my Life. Nothing much to snigger about there for millions of us. The Chancellors shoved his austerity cloak/blanket/shroud on women and children (I read in the Mirror yesterday) and my housing associatiion is saying I'm now £2067 in arrears and the job centre has sent me a P45 form. I've just signed off sick, not signing on for paid employment.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, there is the space I am in. What I do not understand I push to the side so I don't have to deal with it and then turn my attention to Light and Love and the Universe and God and my Son and Christmas being the Season of Goodwill.
I know though, as you must know, that things that you push to the side, things that you ignore have a habit of coming back to you and slapping you in the face so hard your head spins.
That's the space I am in. My head is spinning.
It's not bad actually. Actually it's better than I've ever felt before. Woooo! What a trip! Just don't talk to me about reality!!
"You need something more concrete" says the doc.
Tell that to the Government...
Well, until the next time my friends!!!
In the meantime take a look at Conversations with God Book 3. How a purposeful successful Matriachy became a Patriachy and all you might want to know about the After Life. It's good, it's really good. It's very comforting too!
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Conquering yourself is better than winning battles
"It's better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours and it cannot be taken from you by angels or demons, heaven or hell.
Buddha said that!"
Sent to me by a friend on Monday evening. An athiest friend I might add!
Today it makes total sense to me as at some point it may do to you.
Then the victory is yours and it cannot be taken from you by angels or demons, heaven or hell.
Buddha said that!"
Sent to me by a friend on Monday evening. An athiest friend I might add!
Today it makes total sense to me as at some point it may do to you.
Dreams of bats in white porcelain bowls
Last night I was woken up by a flutter and vision of bats trying to fly out of one of my white porcelain bowls. I didn't let it freak me out. I'm going to the London School of Psychic Studies today. They will help me. (They have to help me) I'm really scared actually, so good job the doc has signed me off signing on, noting 'anxiety' as the cause.
Bats
To see a bat in your dream, symbolizes uncleanness, demons, and annoyances. Alternatively, bats represent rebirth and unrealized potential. You need to let go of old habits. Your current path is not compatible with your new growth and new goals. It may also mean some unknown situation and how you are blindly entering into a situation or deal. You need to evaluate the facts more carefully. The dream may also been a pun on feeling "batty" or feeling crazy.
To dream of a white bat, signifies death of a family member. To dream of a black bat, signifies personal disaster.
To see a vampire bat in your dream, represents that a person in your life may be draining your of self-confidence and/or your resources.
According to Chinese folklore, if you see five bats in your dream, then it symbolizes good health, longevity, pace, wealth, and happiness.
Wish I'd counted how many now!!
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes/animals.htm
Bats
To see a bat in your dream, symbolizes uncleanness, demons, and annoyances. Alternatively, bats represent rebirth and unrealized potential. You need to let go of old habits. Your current path is not compatible with your new growth and new goals. It may also mean some unknown situation and how you are blindly entering into a situation or deal. You need to evaluate the facts more carefully. The dream may also been a pun on feeling "batty" or feeling crazy.
To dream of a white bat, signifies death of a family member. To dream of a black bat, signifies personal disaster.
To see a vampire bat in your dream, represents that a person in your life may be draining your of self-confidence and/or your resources.
According to Chinese folklore, if you see five bats in your dream, then it symbolizes good health, longevity, pace, wealth, and happiness.
Wish I'd counted how many now!!
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes/animals.htm
Friday, 11 November 2011
Meditation for 11.11.11
From Soul & Spirit. November issue. Page 41
Try this meditation from Shekinah to connect to the 11.11.11 energies at any time on the actual day of November 11th. When you do it, set your intention to ground peaceful, unifying energies into yourself, and the world and the universe.
*If you can, create a relaxing atmosphere with music, candles, incense or oils
*Focus on your breath. Inhale and exhale peace and love
*Imagine putting all your problems in a basket at your feet. Do this for a few moments until you feel completely relaxed.
*Then, with one deep breathe, picture roots growing out of your feet into Mother Earth. Inhale the Earth energy up into your heart and then out into the universe. Imagine this vibration, contained in your breath, merging with the 11.11.11 energies, and breathe that back down into your heart, and out into the universe.
*Visualise it going all the way round the world, enlarging and strengthening the lay lines.
*As you breathe, envision two symbols of light growing in your heart: one representing your internal masculine energy and the other your feminine.
*When you feel ready, imagine Shekinah as a bright diamond ball of light coming down from the universe, through your head and into your heart. Picture the latter opening to receive this Divine feminine energy and sense it merging with your internal masculine and feminine energies, bringing unity, peace and harmony.
*See and sense this energy going around the planet, bringing peace and unity to our world. Continue doing this for as long as you wish.
"Shekinah represents the 'hidden feminine' and together with archangel metatron seeks to bring balance and unity to humanity."
Even if you don't believe in any of this, breathing in a white light is a good thing to do anytime you want to reach out or reach in and harness some strength for yourself. You can also do this anytime, any, any, any time!
I wish you all a happy 11.11.11!
Try this meditation from Shekinah to connect to the 11.11.11 energies at any time on the actual day of November 11th. When you do it, set your intention to ground peaceful, unifying energies into yourself, and the world and the universe.
*If you can, create a relaxing atmosphere with music, candles, incense or oils
*Focus on your breath. Inhale and exhale peace and love
*Imagine putting all your problems in a basket at your feet. Do this for a few moments until you feel completely relaxed.
*Then, with one deep breathe, picture roots growing out of your feet into Mother Earth. Inhale the Earth energy up into your heart and then out into the universe. Imagine this vibration, contained in your breath, merging with the 11.11.11 energies, and breathe that back down into your heart, and out into the universe.
*Visualise it going all the way round the world, enlarging and strengthening the lay lines.
*As you breathe, envision two symbols of light growing in your heart: one representing your internal masculine energy and the other your feminine.
*When you feel ready, imagine Shekinah as a bright diamond ball of light coming down from the universe, through your head and into your heart. Picture the latter opening to receive this Divine feminine energy and sense it merging with your internal masculine and feminine energies, bringing unity, peace and harmony.
*See and sense this energy going around the planet, bringing peace and unity to our world. Continue doing this for as long as you wish.
"Shekinah represents the 'hidden feminine' and together with archangel metatron seeks to bring balance and unity to humanity."
Even if you don't believe in any of this, breathing in a white light is a good thing to do anytime you want to reach out or reach in and harness some strength for yourself. You can also do this anytime, any, any, any time!
I wish you all a happy 11.11.11!
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