I can't articulate the magnitude so I won't even try.
Tomorrow morning I have a 2 hour exam which if I pass will be a positive step in direction of my dreams - namely to learn shorthand (in the short-term) and get a payrise.(in the long-term)
Tomorrow afternoon I am viewing a flat. This is huge, this is so big, this is enormous.
The flat is great for my son, but not for me, on account of Zat bike and there being no space for it. It's a form of transport I need. Would you get rid of your much loved car because the home you've had a choiceless choice to move into meant you had to? Anyway, I'm saying YES and feel really fucking sick. I don't want to lose the bike. Argos have a 65% clearance sale going on though so timing couldn't be more perfect if we got it. Starting from scratch here...neither of us have beds and that's just the start...
I need to share some coincidences...I'll be quick, I don't like long posts particularly unless they are well written and well, love Stigmum as I do, I am her conduit and a hopeless judge.
The flat I'm viewing tomorrow is in the same block, or next door to the block where I said 'no' to a flat 6 years ago. (The first person had accepted it so I didn't see why I had to...)
I got a call on Tuesday, after posting (!) to go and view a flat I bid on in.... Papier Mache Towers! Yes, the place my son and I wrote this entire blog from when we were being evicted. "Aren't there plans to knock it down?" I said to the woman on the phone. "I don't know about that," she said. "I'm only given names to call. Do you want to view it?"
Yesterday I bet myself that on the bidding boards today, there would be a garden flat. There would be my 'ideal home'.
Bingo! There it was. Ground and basement floors with a garden. Steps so not for wheelchairs. And where is it? Why, the very street my son first lived on. A few doors down from where we both lived with the Foca. The very first place we were booted out from. Well, given no choice but to leave.
It made me think about Posh Street, where we were evicted from afterwards, narrowly avoiding a hostel only to land in Papier Mache Towers. I'd stand in the Posh Street's park in those dark days and implore the sky: "Please, one day, bring me back to Rochester!" like a Bronte heroine, only not half as cool.
Imagine...(I breathe, it is, all, if not too much, alot)
Anything could happen. Who knows what can happen? Not me (I've been reading posts that I saw others had read from Stiggers stats - long story ey stigs, a long long story but them readers picked some good ones for me to read back on. Your best is sometimes hard to find)
I'm praying I pass that exam tomorrow morning.
With the housing, I'm praying, I'm praying hard for the best outcome.
Whatever happens, I'm saying YES.
With that I relinquish control and hope the best, whatever that may be, comes to me and my boy.
My son, my sun, my boy, my buoy.
He asked to sleep in my bed tonight - "So you can hear me breathing if you can't sleep. I remember you said that used to help you when we shared a room"
How many times can you win in life?
I won with him; my son my sun my buoy, my boy.
I win for him now.
best outcomes best outcome best outcomes
Showing posts with label Housing 2011. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Housing 2011. Show all posts
Thursday, 10 January 2013
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
At the Coal Face
At the Coal Face - written the day before a viewing in November, my first viewing in five years. I was Number 12 for a housing association flat. I was struggling so took myself off to a vietnamese woman for a pedicure
At the Coal Face - viewing a property
It's all so tight
in the throat
particularly
Easier to breathe
through the nose
breathe
release the chains bound tightly
across the chest
Leave to God
Trust to God
He has a master plan
You can say Yes and something better will come
Enjoy the pedicure
There is space for you
to make space
within
At the Coal Face - viewing a property
It's all so tight
in the throat
particularly
Easier to breathe
through the nose
breathe
release the chains bound tightly
across the chest
Leave to God
Trust to God
He has a master plan
You can say Yes and something better will come
Enjoy the pedicure
There is space for you
to make space
within
Invitation to view a property
The council called me yesterday at 8.50 am to ask if I'd been contacted in regards to viewing a flat. The viewing was meant to be that afternoon but it seemed no-one had been told. I wasn't surprised to get an invitation. I don't know why. Possibly because I like this flat we're in. This flat we can't stay in.
She called again at 10am where my son rather unhelpfully told her I was 'sleeping in bed', which I wasn't. We were both being lazy and playing and tickling and being generally silly... 'sleeping in bed...' tsk..
Friday. I view it Friday. A two bedroom flat. Third floor. One double room, one single. Blow heating. (Blow heating? Is that similar to totally ineffectual storage heating?) Shared garden.
I'm Number 2.
I should be excited but I'm not, I'm terrified.
It's much further, much much further to a main road, public transport and shops BUT I can relax about my son's education and my job, that those aren't disrupted.
Zat. Zat bike. What will happen to you Zat? I still need you to get to work. Where will you live?
"It's a big decision," said the woman from the council.
I have to say there and then if I want it or not.
I can't say no can I? They say you can but read me and my experience and you know I can't.
The choices we are forced to make are not the choices we would love to make. Everywhere I've bid on recently, or risk being taken off the lists, have been on estates I wouldn't 'choose' to raise my child.
My son caught me crying yesterday afternoon. "Don't worry mummy, we'll move in, play the lottery, win and then buy something brilliant."
Perspectives huh.
I thank the world for my son everyday. I ask the world to protect my son everyday.
I'm Number 2. Number 1 could always say "Yes"
She called again at 10am where my son rather unhelpfully told her I was 'sleeping in bed', which I wasn't. We were both being lazy and playing and tickling and being generally silly... 'sleeping in bed...' tsk..
Friday. I view it Friday. A two bedroom flat. Third floor. One double room, one single. Blow heating. (Blow heating? Is that similar to totally ineffectual storage heating?) Shared garden.
I'm Number 2.
I should be excited but I'm not, I'm terrified.
It's much further, much much further to a main road, public transport and shops BUT I can relax about my son's education and my job, that those aren't disrupted.
Zat. Zat bike. What will happen to you Zat? I still need you to get to work. Where will you live?
"It's a big decision," said the woman from the council.
I have to say there and then if I want it or not.
I can't say no can I? They say you can but read me and my experience and you know I can't.
The choices we are forced to make are not the choices we would love to make. Everywhere I've bid on recently, or risk being taken off the lists, have been on estates I wouldn't 'choose' to raise my child.
My son caught me crying yesterday afternoon. "Don't worry mummy, we'll move in, play the lottery, win and then buy something brilliant."
Perspectives huh.
I thank the world for my son everyday. I ask the world to protect my son everyday.
I'm Number 2. Number 1 could always say "Yes"
Thursday, 12 January 2012
When volunteering is not good for your health
Steering group meeting today with the group of volunteers I volunteer with.
It's often brilliant to see these people because they are brilliant people
Many of the parents that I volunteer with are already in part time paid employment or like the (founder?) of the Grandparent's Association, campaign voluntarily elsewhere.
We discussed lots of things in the meeting but one of the things we discussed was our next workshop day which is going to focus on, of all things, housing. rrrrrargh 0 to -60 instantaneously as my whole body tenses.
I've got a pukka job at these workshops, as volunteer journo, but I came out of the meeting today in my automatic default suicide position and then finding myself there and reminding myself I have a child so get with it for fucks sake
800 families privately renting and claiming housing benefit in Camden are going to have to move as a direct result of benefit caps, I heard, in the meeting.
One of workshops (there tend to be three) on our workshop day, is going to advise people about the rent caps. We're going to try and wheel in a councillor to talk to the group and advise people about what they can do.
So pointless. So totally utterly pointless. I'm sat there shaking my head and holding the sick feeling in my throat as though the action might remove my head from my shoulders and I can be GONE.
However, I must remember that maybe some of these 800 families have never faced eviction before, or twice before, or thrice before and therefore won't know how utterly pointless any advice is from a local councillor (or minister for that matter).
You know, I did actually make some people laugh at the meeting. Not about housing, no, ha ha ha how could you think that?! No, just about something I read in the Guardian where charities are too afraid to speak out in support of the people they are registered to help incase their funding gets reduced. Yeah Yeah, what a charity said to me...needing to remain 'impartial.'
One woman's sister might lose her job for querying some reforms being tabled at the local prison. The advice is for her to keep her mouth shut or she'll be claiming JSA with 2 million other people.
How did I make people laugh. Well I sang didn't I, Olivia Newton John:
Let's get cynical cynical
We gotta get cynical
Let us hear these Bodies talk, these Bodies talk...!
As the group laughed I could hear my son in my deep subconscious shout "Be quiet mummeeeeeee" and me shouting back "I can do what I like in MY OWN BEDROOM SON"
I'm so cynical cynical
don't wanna be cynica-a-al
can you hear my feelings talk
my feelings balk
Can you hear my feelings talk?
OHHHHHH I'm so cynical, are you cynica -a-alllllllllll
Can you hear your feelings talk?
It's often brilliant to see these people because they are brilliant people
Many of the parents that I volunteer with are already in part time paid employment or like the (founder?) of the Grandparent's Association, campaign voluntarily elsewhere.
We discussed lots of things in the meeting but one of the things we discussed was our next workshop day which is going to focus on, of all things, housing. rrrrrargh 0 to -60 instantaneously as my whole body tenses.
I've got a pukka job at these workshops, as volunteer journo, but I came out of the meeting today in my automatic default suicide position and then finding myself there and reminding myself I have a child so get with it for fucks sake
800 families privately renting and claiming housing benefit in Camden are going to have to move as a direct result of benefit caps, I heard, in the meeting.
One of workshops (there tend to be three) on our workshop day, is going to advise people about the rent caps. We're going to try and wheel in a councillor to talk to the group and advise people about what they can do.
So pointless. So totally utterly pointless. I'm sat there shaking my head and holding the sick feeling in my throat as though the action might remove my head from my shoulders and I can be GONE.
However, I must remember that maybe some of these 800 families have never faced eviction before, or twice before, or thrice before and therefore won't know how utterly pointless any advice is from a local councillor (or minister for that matter).
You know, I did actually make some people laugh at the meeting. Not about housing, no, ha ha ha how could you think that?! No, just about something I read in the Guardian where charities are too afraid to speak out in support of the people they are registered to help incase their funding gets reduced. Yeah Yeah, what a charity said to me...needing to remain 'impartial.'
One woman's sister might lose her job for querying some reforms being tabled at the local prison. The advice is for her to keep her mouth shut or she'll be claiming JSA with 2 million other people.
How did I make people laugh. Well I sang didn't I, Olivia Newton John:
Let's get cynical cynical
We gotta get cynical
Let us hear these Bodies talk, these Bodies talk...!
As the group laughed I could hear my son in my deep subconscious shout "Be quiet mummeeeeeee" and me shouting back "I can do what I like in MY OWN BEDROOM SON"
I'm so cynical cynical
don't wanna be cynica-a-al
can you hear my feelings talk
my feelings balk
Can you hear my feelings talk?
OHHHHHH I'm so cynical, are you cynica -a-alllllllllll
Can you hear your feelings talk?
Monday, 9 January 2012
How the Duke depressed me on Christmas Eve
Oh how chance, I believed, might favour me in the days before Christmas when I heard a grand old Duke (not of Cambridge, he's a young one)patron of a homeless charity (again not the young one who also is) would be present at a carol service.
Here's the letter I handed to him, which he put in his breast pocket and said he'd read later. Which he did, and responded to straight away, which was great as no-one ever does that. However, he wrote there was nothing he could do, no-one he could influence, but "every success" with my lobbying. Oh the rage, I could only see black. So I wrote a response in my Black Notebook but haven't sent it. Should I? I feel my blood boiling again...
(Oh and Google told me how to address him because in truth, I had no idea)
20 December 2011
To Your Grace, the [Grand Old] Duke of [X],
If I have hand delivered you my article, then my prayers have been answered. If this letter and my article in the Ham & High have been passed to you, my prayers have also been answered because I was very nervous of approaching you at the Church of the Immaculate Conception’s carol service reception.
In short, Your Grace, I am asking you to help me help our country.
What the Government is about to do in regards to housing will destroy the lives or indeed life chances of so many people.
As you many know, the coalition wishes to abolish council housing, end life time tenancies, increase social rent to market share, and amongst other things, re-introduce the Right to Buy which got us into this mess in the first place where there is not now enough affordable housing for ordinary men, women and children.
I have appealed to Government ministers many times, to no avail. Articles I have written in the Ham & High and other papers, have gone unnoticed.
You have connections your Grace. Please, on behalf of everybody I mention in the article, see what you can do in order to halt this catastrophe. Or make those with power understand what they are unleashing.
Thankyou Your Grace. It was a coincidence I was at the carol service at all. My local church is elsewhere but on Sunday came to Farm Street to thank God for everything that I’ve got. The music is so stunning, it’s a beautiful service.
I do hope you can help me. I’ll put my details at the bottom of the page should you wish to contact me.
I wish you and your family a very happy Christmas and all the best in 2012.
Yours faithfully,
Sue de Nim
Here's the letter I handed to him, which he put in his breast pocket and said he'd read later. Which he did, and responded to straight away, which was great as no-one ever does that. However, he wrote there was nothing he could do, no-one he could influence, but "every success" with my lobbying. Oh the rage, I could only see black. So I wrote a response in my Black Notebook but haven't sent it. Should I? I feel my blood boiling again...
(Oh and Google told me how to address him because in truth, I had no idea)
20 December 2011
To Your Grace, the [Grand Old] Duke of [X],
If I have hand delivered you my article, then my prayers have been answered. If this letter and my article in the Ham & High have been passed to you, my prayers have also been answered because I was very nervous of approaching you at the Church of the Immaculate Conception’s carol service reception.
In short, Your Grace, I am asking you to help me help our country.
What the Government is about to do in regards to housing will destroy the lives or indeed life chances of so many people.
As you many know, the coalition wishes to abolish council housing, end life time tenancies, increase social rent to market share, and amongst other things, re-introduce the Right to Buy which got us into this mess in the first place where there is not now enough affordable housing for ordinary men, women and children.
I have appealed to Government ministers many times, to no avail. Articles I have written in the Ham & High and other papers, have gone unnoticed.
You have connections your Grace. Please, on behalf of everybody I mention in the article, see what you can do in order to halt this catastrophe. Or make those with power understand what they are unleashing.
Thankyou Your Grace. It was a coincidence I was at the carol service at all. My local church is elsewhere but on Sunday came to Farm Street to thank God for everything that I’ve got. The music is so stunning, it’s a beautiful service.
I do hope you can help me. I’ll put my details at the bottom of the page should you wish to contact me.
I wish you and your family a very happy Christmas and all the best in 2012.
Yours faithfully,
Sue de Nim
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Back to Housing...2012
I have just written a lovely post about my son back at school. Lovely for me, not for you necessarily.
The Back to School label was going to harbour a post about my son, yes, but also, blogging. Back to blogging
Back to blogging...
Back to housing?
Well I don't know
I asked myself why I had a housing 2011 label last year. I should have given myself a break from it, not thought about That Which Makes Me Want To Kill Myself.
I know why I didn't though; the legislations were still untabled (untabled?) I could still try to stop them going through.
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Oh my God, what was I thinking?!!!
That even if I'd put more into it, possibly written more articles, or letters, or tweets to the housing minister no-one would be losing their homes this year, thousands instead would move into secure affordable ones???!
Oh my, I'm so funny!!!! Fantastically deluded!!!!
I do not know why I have set up a Housing 2012 label. I think I had a thought over the holidays that I would have to start thinking about bidding this year and the label MIGHT help me do that. But what more can I tell you about bidding that I already haven't? Jack shit, that's what.
Listen, I'm going to send my It Could Be You article to a couple more politicians. Need to follow those voracious dreams I had over Christmas even if it's pointless (talking of which my points should go up this year...ten years in the borough..ten years....a decade...oh my God, a decade lost, lost to...)
After that, well I Don't Know
See what comes ey
I'm told I'm protected from the housing benefit cuts but I'm not protected from arrears if I get a job (parenting is a job isn't it?), am I? Are you?
"Happy New Fear!" the Estimator said to me in the coffee shop this morning.
Years I've been afraid, years, you know, three of them are recorded.
For an Estimator to say Happy New Fear
well all I can say is
Welcome to my world all you middle classes
The Back to School label was going to harbour a post about my son, yes, but also, blogging. Back to blogging
Back to blogging...
Back to housing?
Well I don't know
I asked myself why I had a housing 2011 label last year. I should have given myself a break from it, not thought about That Which Makes Me Want To Kill Myself.
I know why I didn't though; the legislations were still untabled (untabled?) I could still try to stop them going through.
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Oh my God, what was I thinking?!!!
That even if I'd put more into it, possibly written more articles, or letters, or tweets to the housing minister no-one would be losing their homes this year, thousands instead would move into secure affordable ones???!
Oh my, I'm so funny!!!! Fantastically deluded!!!!
I do not know why I have set up a Housing 2012 label. I think I had a thought over the holidays that I would have to start thinking about bidding this year and the label MIGHT help me do that. But what more can I tell you about bidding that I already haven't? Jack shit, that's what.
Listen, I'm going to send my It Could Be You article to a couple more politicians. Need to follow those voracious dreams I had over Christmas even if it's pointless (talking of which my points should go up this year...ten years in the borough..ten years....a decade...oh my God, a decade lost, lost to...)
After that, well I Don't Know
See what comes ey
I'm told I'm protected from the housing benefit cuts but I'm not protected from arrears if I get a job (parenting is a job isn't it?), am I? Are you?
"Happy New Fear!" the Estimator said to me in the coffee shop this morning.
Years I've been afraid, years, you know, three of them are recorded.
For an Estimator to say Happy New Fear
well all I can say is
Welcome to my world all you middle classes
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Hopeful Horoscopes Hosanna!
Do you need to do some talking? Or do you need to do some listening? There's a point you are keen to communicate. Understandably so. It is important. Indeed, we have to ask, if it matters so much, why is it not already self-evident? Is it because you can see further than someone else. Is it because you have information that someone else is oblivious to? Perhaps a third party can help you to find some way to draw it to their attention. You can't just hold up a megaphone and shout. It's necessary to be subtle and sensitive. What joyous potential can 2012 bring you?
(Jonathan Cainer)
I'm going to a carol concert tonight, which is followed by a champagne reception, dahling.
I don't know how to talk, I don't know how to listen, but I know I have to pass information. I have a chance to pass information.
It calls for Magic Pants and Pearl Earings I think
(and no, I haven't blogged about that yet, but I will, now the need to pull them out pops up again)
Wish me luck. Oh God, a little bit of luck oh, and an ability to talk, to listen and to SING!!!
Tra la laaaaaaa a a a a oh!
(Jonathan Cainer)
I'm going to a carol concert tonight, which is followed by a champagne reception, dahling.
I don't know how to talk, I don't know how to listen, but I know I have to pass information. I have a chance to pass information.
It calls for Magic Pants and Pearl Earings I think
(and no, I haven't blogged about that yet, but I will, now the need to pull them out pops up again)
Wish me luck. Oh God, a little bit of luck oh, and an ability to talk, to listen and to SING!!!
Tra la laaaaaaa a a a a oh!
Monday, 19 December 2011
It's a wonderful life!
Saturday afternoon, having made no plans with anyone while my boy's away, I saw online that the Prince of Wales theatre in Leicester Square, was showing It's a Wonderful Life.
I love that film, though only ever remember seeing it on a teeny portable, so seduced by a big screen and a £4 entry (I'm a member of the cinema!!) off I went.
Do you know, I never realised that the film was all about housing! Yeah! Ok, not all about housing but Bailey's Buildings and Loans is central to the whole film. George, dreams of going travelling but has to stay and run his father's company, which offers loans and affordable housing for the town's inhabitants.
The alternative for the town of Bedford Falls is wealthy slumlord Potter, who evicts people who can't afford his high rents... Remind you of anything today? Any party in particular?
After marrying and raising four children George starts up Bailey Park, an affordable housing project so people have an alternative to Potters expensive rents in rundown slums.
Towards the end of the tale, George goes to commit suicide off the local bridge (our local paper is awash with people doing the same thing over Archway Bridge (though there's a road beneath it, not water like in the film so sorry sorry sorry about the pun).
Bedford Falls without George is Potterville. The housing project doesn't exist. The high street with its mix of independent stores and buildings are now nightclubs, pawnshops, strip clubs. My street is all tanning centres, saunas, cafes and five supermarkets. Five! Like we need five. You can only buy clothes in one of three charity shops on my high street. The road's not even a mile long.
Just last week Mary Portas delivered a damning report on our high streets. We're all supposed to go to malls now. Welcome to the new American State of Great Britain...Free healthcare? Ha ha ha, get an insurance...
It is a lovely film, much lovelier than I've described here. Mary (Donna Reed), George's wife, is so beautiful. George (James Stewart)...
I cry everytime I see this film but what I noticed on Saturday is that I start crying after George has been rescued by the angel Clarence.
I howl as all his friends come to help him after his wife has gone out and told them he's under arrest.
One word though to people watching it on their own.
The inscription inside a copy of Tom Sawyer that Angel Clarence gives to George says: "Remember that no man is a failure who has friends." It's not true is what I thought as I sat there on my own.
I'm not a failure am I stigs?
I've heard the film is out in colour. I don't think I would like it in colour. I think it would take away the romance, take away the warmth, make it look dated as Rosie Scribble found it.
The message is very strong today. Look at what you've got. Don't look at your debt or your past or your future, just look at what you've got, starting with your breath, with any luck.
It's not an easy life I will warrant and I will say a prayer for those who have nobody on Christmas day and for all those who feel very alone, which will be many many people.
I'm not alone, am I stigs, even when my boy's not with me.
Achy achy heart though, come home soon son!
I love that film, though only ever remember seeing it on a teeny portable, so seduced by a big screen and a £4 entry (I'm a member of the cinema!!) off I went.
Do you know, I never realised that the film was all about housing! Yeah! Ok, not all about housing but Bailey's Buildings and Loans is central to the whole film. George, dreams of going travelling but has to stay and run his father's company, which offers loans and affordable housing for the town's inhabitants.
The alternative for the town of Bedford Falls is wealthy slumlord Potter, who evicts people who can't afford his high rents... Remind you of anything today? Any party in particular?
After marrying and raising four children George starts up Bailey Park, an affordable housing project so people have an alternative to Potters expensive rents in rundown slums.
Towards the end of the tale, George goes to commit suicide off the local bridge (our local paper is awash with people doing the same thing over Archway Bridge (though there's a road beneath it, not water like in the film so sorry sorry sorry about the pun).
Bedford Falls without George is Potterville. The housing project doesn't exist. The high street with its mix of independent stores and buildings are now nightclubs, pawnshops, strip clubs. My street is all tanning centres, saunas, cafes and five supermarkets. Five! Like we need five. You can only buy clothes in one of three charity shops on my high street. The road's not even a mile long.
Just last week Mary Portas delivered a damning report on our high streets. We're all supposed to go to malls now. Welcome to the new American State of Great Britain...Free healthcare? Ha ha ha, get an insurance...
It is a lovely film, much lovelier than I've described here. Mary (Donna Reed), George's wife, is so beautiful. George (James Stewart)...
I cry everytime I see this film but what I noticed on Saturday is that I start crying after George has been rescued by the angel Clarence.
I howl as all his friends come to help him after his wife has gone out and told them he's under arrest.
One word though to people watching it on their own.
The inscription inside a copy of Tom Sawyer that Angel Clarence gives to George says: "Remember that no man is a failure who has friends." It's not true is what I thought as I sat there on my own.
I'm not a failure am I stigs?
I've heard the film is out in colour. I don't think I would like it in colour. I think it would take away the romance, take away the warmth, make it look dated as Rosie Scribble found it.
The message is very strong today. Look at what you've got. Don't look at your debt or your past or your future, just look at what you've got, starting with your breath, with any luck.
It's not an easy life I will warrant and I will say a prayer for those who have nobody on Christmas day and for all those who feel very alone, which will be many many people.
I'm not alone, am I stigs, even when my boy's not with me.
Achy achy heart though, come home soon son!
Saturday, 17 December 2011
Batten Down The Hatches
Batten down the hatches: Idiom
to prepare yourself for a difficult period by protecting yourself in every possible way
Usage notes: When there is a storm, ships batten down the hatches (= close the doors to the outside) as protection against bad weather.
(http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/batten+down+the+hatches)
How do you do it? How do you batten down them hatches?
I use Al Cohol.
I used to do it with Nico Teen but these days it seems...
Tuesday, c'mon, I'd just sent off a somewhat tongue in cheek but also tragic article about my own personal circumstances and a picture of me to fully illustrate the point I was making.
Thirsty work that. Still don't know what response I might get. It was brave, what I did and I always toast my bravery (always? hic!)
Thursday the piece came out. Oh stiggers, what a big nose you have!
All the better to sniff out injustice my dear!
I was on a high. I had a Parent Council training session to go to followed by a Christmas party and I was just really happy, I guess.
Not even the Polish mother could burst my balloon though she very nearly did. A Daily Mail dream that one but I'm not going to write about her (again). It bothers me, that's all I'll say when people have got what they want and still find room to complain when their own country don't offer half what ours does (although the coalition is seeing to that) Not all Polish mothers are the same, Mistress Ha Ha's one but hopefully I don't need to tell you that. She's got more points than me again though..oh don't get me started...
Later that day, the school Christmas disco!! I'm looking after Juggling Mum's boy as her daughter's got a show elsewhere and supping beer with other parents as the boys..where are the boys..oh the boys are alright!
I drop off Juggling Mum's boy and she invites us in for some pasta. Oh wow: "I was going to take him to the Golden Arches," I accept, beaming and oh yes, I'd love a glass of wine!
On the way home, I buy another bottle. Cheap stuff from the corner shop.
When the Foca left me and I cried down a bottle and ended up puking, with my one year old oblivious in his cot, I swore I wouldn't drink alone. And I didn't. For years.
Nico Teen's gone now though.
On Thursday night I knew I had to send my article to the housing minister, shadow housing minister and deputy prime minister (glug glug) and I did that.
The next day, the next morning, I did that. I sent my article to the housing minister, the shadow housing minister and the deputy prime minister altogether under the caption "who cares?"
Oh hells bells, it's Christmas.,, I'll detox in January....
...hic!
to prepare yourself for a difficult period by protecting yourself in every possible way
Usage notes: When there is a storm, ships batten down the hatches (= close the doors to the outside) as protection against bad weather.
(http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/batten+down+the+hatches)
How do you do it? How do you batten down them hatches?
I use Al Cohol.
I used to do it with Nico Teen but these days it seems...
Tuesday, c'mon, I'd just sent off a somewhat tongue in cheek but also tragic article about my own personal circumstances and a picture of me to fully illustrate the point I was making.
Thirsty work that. Still don't know what response I might get. It was brave, what I did and I always toast my bravery (always? hic!)
Thursday the piece came out. Oh stiggers, what a big nose you have!
All the better to sniff out injustice my dear!
I was on a high. I had a Parent Council training session to go to followed by a Christmas party and I was just really happy, I guess.
Not even the Polish mother could burst my balloon though she very nearly did. A Daily Mail dream that one but I'm not going to write about her (again). It bothers me, that's all I'll say when people have got what they want and still find room to complain when their own country don't offer half what ours does (although the coalition is seeing to that) Not all Polish mothers are the same, Mistress Ha Ha's one but hopefully I don't need to tell you that. She's got more points than me again though..oh don't get me started...
Later that day, the school Christmas disco!! I'm looking after Juggling Mum's boy as her daughter's got a show elsewhere and supping beer with other parents as the boys..where are the boys..oh the boys are alright!
I drop off Juggling Mum's boy and she invites us in for some pasta. Oh wow: "I was going to take him to the Golden Arches," I accept, beaming and oh yes, I'd love a glass of wine!
On the way home, I buy another bottle. Cheap stuff from the corner shop.
When the Foca left me and I cried down a bottle and ended up puking, with my one year old oblivious in his cot, I swore I wouldn't drink alone. And I didn't. For years.
Nico Teen's gone now though.
On Thursday night I knew I had to send my article to the housing minister, shadow housing minister and deputy prime minister (glug glug) and I did that.
The next day, the next morning, I did that. I sent my article to the housing minister, the shadow housing minister and the deputy prime minister altogether under the caption "who cares?"
Oh hells bells, it's Christmas.,, I'll detox in January....
...hic!
Published in both local papers
This week I wrote an article in the Ham & High, well a long letter really but I'm getting paid for it!!! So an article, a viewpoint, not a letter!
You read it here first. I can't send you the link but can tell you it was about the Great British Affordable Housing Lottery. It could be you!
Are you homeless? Squeezed middle. I think I included all 'groups'. All the empty properties "Does one belong to you?" Plenty of filthy rich folk in these parts, politicians with a second home allowance? So yes, a very inclusive piece. A nice one I thought, even tempered.
The Ed emailed and said did I want to put a picture with it. Instantaneously I felt sick.
On Tuesday night, after I'd sent it, I was so excited and so frightened that I drank a big bottle of Budvar, then dragged my son out to buy two more.
Then around midnight, deadlines far far over, pissed and on my soap box, I rattled off an email to the Camden New Journal in response to an article they wrote last week about the council selling off hostels cos there's no money.
I can write the original of that one for you. The Ham & High didn't edit my piece (much?), they didn't need to, I sent something polished but the CNJ had to do a proper clean up job; fix spelling mistakes, grammatical flaws, reduce caps, that kind of thing....
Let me get this straight. The council wants to sell some of its hostels in order to reburbish some properties in order to reduce the mighty waiting list of people desperate for a decent affordable home? (Council admits: 'We have no money ' and tries to sell two hostels for £12m' 8 Dec p6)
The council wishes to sell these homes to private developers who wish to build luxury homes out of them which will price out all the 18,000 names on the waiting list desperate for a decent affordable home and will instead simply accerbate the homeless crisis?
Tell me I've got it wrong. I love getting things wrong, especially at Christmas and New Year when you hope people will WAKE UP to the catastrophe before us.
I'm glad the Free School didn't get them. I know schools are needed but what? The children get an education but there's nowhere for them to sleep at night?
I didn't dream they'd publish it and thank both papers. I hope what I've written in both can have a positive outcome for the borough.
That is my Christmas wish!
You read it here first. I can't send you the link but can tell you it was about the Great British Affordable Housing Lottery. It could be you!
Are you homeless? Squeezed middle. I think I included all 'groups'. All the empty properties "Does one belong to you?" Plenty of filthy rich folk in these parts, politicians with a second home allowance? So yes, a very inclusive piece. A nice one I thought, even tempered.
The Ed emailed and said did I want to put a picture with it. Instantaneously I felt sick.
On Tuesday night, after I'd sent it, I was so excited and so frightened that I drank a big bottle of Budvar, then dragged my son out to buy two more.
Then around midnight, deadlines far far over, pissed and on my soap box, I rattled off an email to the Camden New Journal in response to an article they wrote last week about the council selling off hostels cos there's no money.
I can write the original of that one for you. The Ham & High didn't edit my piece (much?), they didn't need to, I sent something polished but the CNJ had to do a proper clean up job; fix spelling mistakes, grammatical flaws, reduce caps, that kind of thing....
Let me get this straight. The council wants to sell some of its hostels in order to reburbish some properties in order to reduce the mighty waiting list of people desperate for a decent affordable home? (Council admits: 'We have no money ' and tries to sell two hostels for £12m' 8 Dec p6)
The council wishes to sell these homes to private developers who wish to build luxury homes out of them which will price out all the 18,000 names on the waiting list desperate for a decent affordable home and will instead simply accerbate the homeless crisis?
Tell me I've got it wrong. I love getting things wrong, especially at Christmas and New Year when you hope people will WAKE UP to the catastrophe before us.
I'm glad the Free School didn't get them. I know schools are needed but what? The children get an education but there's nowhere for them to sleep at night?
I didn't dream they'd publish it and thank both papers. I hope what I've written in both can have a positive outcome for the borough.
That is my Christmas wish!
Thursday, 8 December 2011
Camden's 2.700 empty properties. Happy Christmas?
Front page of the Ham & High today: "2,700 homes empty as waiting lists hit 18,000".
Very topical as Channel 4 carries on its series on the country's 350,000 empty properties around the country.
Why am I saying Happy Christmas?
It's two years ago I got a possession letter telling me and my son to vacate my premises four days before Christmas Day."It's not your home, it's somewhere you rent," said the Libdem Lady
It's seven years ago that the Church wanted me and my toddler out the week before Christmas (I know!) until a local Labour councillor intervened so the wait for the court order got extended.
Oh blimey, back then, empty properties on my street. Oh how I longed for one of them. I discovered they belonged to a housing association. I called them up. "You need a job," they said. "I have a job, I'm a mother!" "Not that kind of job," they replied.
This Christmas I am safe. Well, as safe as you can be in temporary accommodation. Other people aren't. Crikey, it's never been just me.
These empty properties though. Apparently there are 752 out of that lot that are council owned.
There's a rumour that if you find one of them, you can have it. So last year (did I blog it? Must have..) I was told of an empty property in the estate across the road from Papier Mache Towers. So long abandoned letters couldn't fit through the letter box anymore.
I called the council, they investigated and the flat was actually leaseheld. Bought under the Right to Buy scheme and abandoned. Or bought under the Right to Buy scheme, sold, bought by another and abandoned.
That's the thing...over 2000 properties are privately owned and privately abandoned.
I don't know the numbers of families in temporary accommodation in Camden but I know I'm one of them. I don't know the number of families under the "Private Rental Scheme", I don't know the numbers of overcrowded families, living in council properties or otherwise desperate to move. I don't know the numbers of street homeless, sofa surfers, adults living with mum and dad because they're outpriced for a squalid bedsit. I don't know a damn thing.
I know what I want though. I want those homes to be returned to the council and managed by the council.
How it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, a positive thing without end
Amen
Happy Christmas.
Very topical as Channel 4 carries on its series on the country's 350,000 empty properties around the country.
Why am I saying Happy Christmas?
It's two years ago I got a possession letter telling me and my son to vacate my premises four days before Christmas Day."It's not your home, it's somewhere you rent," said the Libdem Lady
It's seven years ago that the Church wanted me and my toddler out the week before Christmas (I know!) until a local Labour councillor intervened so the wait for the court order got extended.
Oh blimey, back then, empty properties on my street. Oh how I longed for one of them. I discovered they belonged to a housing association. I called them up. "You need a job," they said. "I have a job, I'm a mother!" "Not that kind of job," they replied.
This Christmas I am safe. Well, as safe as you can be in temporary accommodation. Other people aren't. Crikey, it's never been just me.
These empty properties though. Apparently there are 752 out of that lot that are council owned.
There's a rumour that if you find one of them, you can have it. So last year (did I blog it? Must have..) I was told of an empty property in the estate across the road from Papier Mache Towers. So long abandoned letters couldn't fit through the letter box anymore.
I called the council, they investigated and the flat was actually leaseheld. Bought under the Right to Buy scheme and abandoned. Or bought under the Right to Buy scheme, sold, bought by another and abandoned.
That's the thing...over 2000 properties are privately owned and privately abandoned.
I don't know the numbers of families in temporary accommodation in Camden but I know I'm one of them. I don't know the number of families under the "Private Rental Scheme", I don't know the numbers of overcrowded families, living in council properties or otherwise desperate to move. I don't know the numbers of street homeless, sofa surfers, adults living with mum and dad because they're outpriced for a squalid bedsit. I don't know a damn thing.
I know what I want though. I want those homes to be returned to the council and managed by the council.
How it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, a positive thing without end
Amen
Happy Christmas.
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
The Great British Property Scandal - It could be YOU!!
Last night I watched Channel 4's Great British Property Scandal about the vast number of empty properties we have in Britain while the waiting list for affordable, secure housing swells and the number of homeless rises.
My friend texted me to tell me it was on but I didn't want to watch it. Firefox crashed my iplayer film though so I switched on my telly with bad reception.
Strangely I didn't find the programme depressing at all possibly because when it comes to housing, one can't get more down than a suicidal thought about it. Go George Clarke! Go Jon Snow!! Go Phil Whatsyername!! The issue is out, every day for a week!
At the end of last night's episode a very grateful family who had been moved from place to place and was currently residing in squalor got the keys to a renovated empty property. Three flats converted into a four bedroom home. Brilliant! A lottery win if ever there was one!
Tonight that fella off Location Location Location is going to try and put two street homeless people into two of the country's 350,000 empty properties (and counting)
It's luck isn't it. Pure luck. Over two million people (five million I thought) on the waiting lists and over two programmes, three people are helped. Three people 'win'!
Tomorrow, it could be you!
Tomorrow, it could be you...
The 'squeezed middle' I read are feeling unprecedented pressure on their mortgages due to high energy, food and fuel bills and are terrified of losing their homes.
Do you think they watched this programme? I mean, it's their taxes going on the likes of me, unnecessarily if they sorted the problem out.
People only care about other people when it's happening to them don't they
or am I wrong?
I am wrong aren't I
None of my blog followers are in my situation and yet they follow and some comment (strong stomachs! Thank you!)
Thank you Channel 4 for this series. George, I think I fancy you. Good luck with those Tory 'couldn't give a toss unless you show me the money' ministers
and that's my one issue with the programme.
You want small loans to go to individuals so that they may refurbish and rent the place out, thus taking pressure off councils and housing associations
BUY TO LET is a major component of why this scandal is so scandalous. You know, both programmes so far have covered the awful state of the private rental market.
Bring power back to the councils I say. Local Authority housing has been the safest bet for those with no or low money for decades and now it's being totally destroyed.
Channel 4 should keep running this series until the problem goes away.
I mean, thinking about my blog..seven years I've been statutorily homeless..three years I've been writing unpalatable copy about myself...I started with one follower and now I have more!
There's a market for this scandal, that's what I'm saying.
After all....
It Could Be You!!
Click here to join the campaign
My friend texted me to tell me it was on but I didn't want to watch it. Firefox crashed my iplayer film though so I switched on my telly with bad reception.
Strangely I didn't find the programme depressing at all possibly because when it comes to housing, one can't get more down than a suicidal thought about it. Go George Clarke! Go Jon Snow!! Go Phil Whatsyername!! The issue is out, every day for a week!
At the end of last night's episode a very grateful family who had been moved from place to place and was currently residing in squalor got the keys to a renovated empty property. Three flats converted into a four bedroom home. Brilliant! A lottery win if ever there was one!
Tonight that fella off Location Location Location is going to try and put two street homeless people into two of the country's 350,000 empty properties (and counting)
It's luck isn't it. Pure luck. Over two million people (five million I thought) on the waiting lists and over two programmes, three people are helped. Three people 'win'!
Tomorrow, it could be you!
Tomorrow, it could be you...
The 'squeezed middle' I read are feeling unprecedented pressure on their mortgages due to high energy, food and fuel bills and are terrified of losing their homes.
Do you think they watched this programme? I mean, it's their taxes going on the likes of me, unnecessarily if they sorted the problem out.
People only care about other people when it's happening to them don't they
or am I wrong?
I am wrong aren't I
None of my blog followers are in my situation and yet they follow and some comment (strong stomachs! Thank you!)
Thank you Channel 4 for this series. George, I think I fancy you. Good luck with those Tory 'couldn't give a toss unless you show me the money' ministers
and that's my one issue with the programme.
You want small loans to go to individuals so that they may refurbish and rent the place out, thus taking pressure off councils and housing associations
BUY TO LET is a major component of why this scandal is so scandalous. You know, both programmes so far have covered the awful state of the private rental market.
Bring power back to the councils I say. Local Authority housing has been the safest bet for those with no or low money for decades and now it's being totally destroyed.
Channel 4 should keep running this series until the problem goes away.
I mean, thinking about my blog..seven years I've been statutorily homeless..three years I've been writing unpalatable copy about myself...I started with one follower and now I have more!
There's a market for this scandal, that's what I'm saying.
After all....
It Could Be You!!
Click here to join the campaign
Housing benefit has NOT been suspended
It helped writing yesterday. It helped showing myself my son's Red Card. Screaming out. It meant that this morning I could force myself to fill in the housing benefit forms to have it reinstated.
I was thinking the system I am trapped in demands so much transparency from me, from you but the higher up the chain you go...well, do you really think the expenses scandal is over? Do they have to show their bank balances each time they make a claim? No. Would they find that invasive? Yes, of course. Dave bought a drive way the other month for £140,000. A drive way! For cash? Wot no mortgage? What benefits do you think he claims for these days? Be nice if he declared all his assets wouldn't it? Well, we're asked to.
Anyway I send it off hoping I don't add detriment to my situation. (No, I don't have £140,000 squirrelled away incase you're asking. I'd have spent it by now, on a deposit, since you might be asking)
This afternoon a white and green envelope arrives from the council, with a letter inside, saying
No Change In Benefit
I have worked out your housing and council benefit again...
Private Claims Team (what a job...)
Damn. Why did I send the letter? Me who's usually so disorganised?
The man on the phone said they follow whatever instruction comes from the jobcentre (makes you really excited about going back to work...) and they saw that I was still on benefits so no change.
Good though, a relief. No comebacks please...
Small mercies.
Small ones
Only for the time being though
Best not think about it
I was thinking the system I am trapped in demands so much transparency from me, from you but the higher up the chain you go...well, do you really think the expenses scandal is over? Do they have to show their bank balances each time they make a claim? No. Would they find that invasive? Yes, of course. Dave bought a drive way the other month for £140,000. A drive way! For cash? Wot no mortgage? What benefits do you think he claims for these days? Be nice if he declared all his assets wouldn't it? Well, we're asked to.
Anyway I send it off hoping I don't add detriment to my situation. (No, I don't have £140,000 squirrelled away incase you're asking. I'd have spent it by now, on a deposit, since you might be asking)
This afternoon a white and green envelope arrives from the council, with a letter inside, saying
No Change In Benefit
I have worked out your housing and council benefit again...
Private Claims Team (what a job...)
Damn. Why did I send the letter? Me who's usually so disorganised?
The man on the phone said they follow whatever instruction comes from the jobcentre (makes you really excited about going back to work...) and they saw that I was still on benefits so no change.
Good though, a relief. No comebacks please...
Small mercies.
Small ones
Only for the time being though
Best not think about it
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Let Me Bring You Down Today - Song
Don't look at me
Every day is not wonderful
Suddenly so hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed
I’m not beautiful no matter what you say
Words can bring me down
I’m not beautiful in any single way
Yes, words can bring me down, oh yes
So let me bring you down today
To all my friends I’m not delirious
Not consumed in all my doom
Tryin' hard to blog the emptiness, the peace is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?
'Cause you’re not beautiful no matter what they say
Words can bring you down, oh yeah
You aren’t beautiful in any single way
Yes, blogs can bring you down, oh yeah
Let me bring you down today
No matter what we do
No matter what we do
(No matter what we say)
No matter what we say
(We're the song that's outta tune)
(Full of trashing mistakes)
(And everywhere we go)
And everywhere we go
(The sun will never shine)
The sun will never, never shine!
(But tomorrow we might awake on the other side)
'Cause we are beautiful no matter what I say
Yes, words will bring us down, oh yeah
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, blogs can bring you down, oh yeah
So let me bring you down today
Let me bring you down today
Let me bring you down today
(Christina Aguilera featuring Stigmum. This song's been on the radio alot recently so I'd just like to say, if you are a self hater, please befriend yourself, you need to know one person on your side oh and listen to the original)
Every day is not wonderful
Suddenly so hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, feel so ashamed
I’m not beautiful no matter what you say
Words can bring me down
I’m not beautiful in any single way
Yes, words can bring me down, oh yes
So let me bring you down today
To all my friends I’m not delirious
Not consumed in all my doom
Tryin' hard to blog the emptiness, the peace is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?
'Cause you’re not beautiful no matter what they say
Words can bring you down, oh yeah
You aren’t beautiful in any single way
Yes, blogs can bring you down, oh yeah
Let me bring you down today
No matter what we do
No matter what we do
(No matter what we say)
No matter what we say
(We're the song that's outta tune)
(Full of trashing mistakes)
(And everywhere we go)
And everywhere we go
(The sun will never shine)
The sun will never, never shine!
(But tomorrow we might awake on the other side)
'Cause we are beautiful no matter what I say
Yes, words will bring us down, oh yeah
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, blogs can bring you down, oh yeah
So let me bring you down today
Let me bring you down today
Let me bring you down today
(Christina Aguilera featuring Stigmum. This song's been on the radio alot recently so I'd just like to say, if you are a self hater, please befriend yourself, you need to know one person on your side oh and listen to the original)
Suspending housing benefit when you get sick
I didn't actually want to be writing about housing right now. I wanted to write about 'spiritual emergencies' or 'mental breakdown' (in medical parlance) because it's well, more trippy but fuck. More shit comes through the post and stiggers is like "WRITE IT DOWN'
NO
YES
NO
A couple of weeks ago I signed over to Employment Support Allowance (there are retrospective posts about this in my Black Notebook.. like I said, it would have all come later this life on benefits stuff)
Yesterday, having just received a letter telling me I am £2000 in arrears from the housing association, I get a letter from the local council telling me my housing and council benefit has been suspended.
Dear Ms de Nim,
Notification of Suspension of Benefit
Suspension of Housing and Council Benefit
"The law allows me to suspend houisng benefit and council tax payments in certain circumstances (LIKE WHEN YOU'RE SICK). I am writing to tell you that I have suspended your rent payments from 21/11/2011 and your council tax payments from 28/11/2011 because your JSA (IB) has stopped."
Fuckers. Honestly. Fucking fuckers. Then they wonder why people top themselves or run riot and set places on fire.
I tell a stigmum mate who's actively seeking work this morning (and has a council flat) that I'm on ESA and housing benefit's been stopped and she says "What are you doing for money?"
and I'm like "Money's fucked..."
"Get a job!" she says. "Go back on jobseekers!"
Oh fucking fucking hell.
People don't understand.
People don't understand people with mental health problems because it can be so invisible (unless it's really fecking visible like the man on the bus the other day talking to himself)
People certainly don't understand me. Clear complexion, bright eyes, smile smile smile (or am I gurning?)
On closer inspection actally I don't have a clear complexion, or bright eyes. I just look flipping tired. The job application can wait..yes, yes, I have one in my bag...fat fucking chance I'll get a job I love though....
Anyway, this post is just so you know that if you sign off signing on because you're unwell, they'll suspend your benefits. Woo hoo!
The exclamation mark's a joke
NO
YES
NO
A couple of weeks ago I signed over to Employment Support Allowance (there are retrospective posts about this in my Black Notebook.. like I said, it would have all come later this life on benefits stuff)
Yesterday, having just received a letter telling me I am £2000 in arrears from the housing association, I get a letter from the local council telling me my housing and council benefit has been suspended.
Dear Ms de Nim,
Notification of Suspension of Benefit
Suspension of Housing and Council Benefit
"The law allows me to suspend houisng benefit and council tax payments in certain circumstances (LIKE WHEN YOU'RE SICK). I am writing to tell you that I have suspended your rent payments from 21/11/2011 and your council tax payments from 28/11/2011 because your JSA (IB) has stopped."
Fuckers. Honestly. Fucking fuckers. Then they wonder why people top themselves or run riot and set places on fire.
I tell a stigmum mate who's actively seeking work this morning (and has a council flat) that I'm on ESA and housing benefit's been stopped and she says "What are you doing for money?"
and I'm like "Money's fucked..."
"Get a job!" she says. "Go back on jobseekers!"
Oh fucking fucking hell.
People don't understand.
People don't understand people with mental health problems because it can be so invisible (unless it's really fecking visible like the man on the bus the other day talking to himself)
People certainly don't understand me. Clear complexion, bright eyes, smile smile smile (or am I gurning?)
On closer inspection actally I don't have a clear complexion, or bright eyes. I just look flipping tired. The job application can wait..yes, yes, I have one in my bag...fat fucking chance I'll get a job I love though....
Anyway, this post is just so you know that if you sign off signing on because you're unwell, they'll suspend your benefits. Woo hoo!
The exclamation mark's a joke
Punitive policies and suicidal thoughts in emails
This is long because it is three emails I sent within one conversation. I've paraphrased the council response because I'm not sure it's ok to post it at all.
Still, the system doesn't give a toss if you kill yourself.
Take Jennyfer Spencer; a martyr to housing. Yesterday I asked the shadow housing minister to take up her case on the Guardian Housing Network discussion and gave him the article link. Will he? Look out for it.
As for me, I might send someone this run of emails, just in case you know, just in case.
In the meantime, suicide is very much in the news at the moment, with Clarkson calling victims Jonny Suicide and selfish for hurling themselves infront of an oncoming train. So um, I guess this is quite topical. Oh stigs, we're so on trend...
2nd December
Subject: Is it true...?
Dear [Allocations],
I hope you are well. You might be quite surprised to get an email from me but you are the best person who can clarify something I was told this morning.
A friend of mine who has been harrassed in her home, been given extra points and is bidding now from [England's Hostel] told me she'd been told it was important to bid or we got penalised.
Is that true?
I know the waiting list is long and the coalition want council's to shorten it but is one way to reduce it, to penalise people who do not bid on the homeconnections site?
I do not bid.
I cannot bid.
I've tried but I go into a suicide default position where I want to kill myself.
It's very hard to live in a dark dark place like that so I try to avoid it, and it's best avoided by not bidding.
I don't have enough points.
As you know, when I was in desperate need I was unsuccessful. I have no chance now and the knowledge of three evictions. So I cannot bid and I cannot avert another eviction and now I discover I will penalised because of that. [Ex homeless household support worker] knows all this because I told him.
I actually signed on to ESA two weeks ago following another breakdown. I wouldn't mind having another breakdown if I knew the home I was in was settled and my child was settled in his school because it might be the last one I have but I don't have that kind of security so I am likely to keep on having breakdowns, to keep on landing in my suicide default position where I want to kill myself but can't because I love my son and will not leave him.
Please tell me what the new rules are around housing. Please tell me what it means for my family that we do not/are unable to bid. I can't make my son start doing it. Make a nine year old feel that desperation and hopelessness? I can't.
We do love this flat. We have a room each and it's a great location for my son's school, friends, community we have lived in all his life.
It's expensive though. I've been paying last winter's electricity bill at £40 a week so I've not put the heating on yet even though it's cold.
I got a letter yesterday from the housing association saying I was £2000 in arrears which simply isn't true. It can't be true. I have not started work yet, I have been unsuccessul with all my applications. I'm aware I'm better off than those families in the private sector who have had their housing benefit capped. Same fears though.
If you could let me know about the housing rules and how they fit around my family - just the two of us in temporary accommodation - I would be really grateful.
If you are no longer the best person to speak to about housing allocation please let me know who is.
Thanks very much
Kind regards
Dear Ms [de Nim]
Thank you for your email. However, I believe you have been given incorrect information. There are no new rules around bidding and we do not have a system where people are penalised for not bidding.
Under our current allocations scheme, some points will be time-limited for a period of time i.e. three or six months say for harassment/DV and after that period has expired the points will be automatically removed from the application. This could be what your friend means. I presume that she is a council tenant placed temporarily at [England’s Hostel], because homeless applicants under the current scheme do not receive harassment priority.
We will be reviewing the allocations scheme next year and it is very possible that we will make a number of changes and consider penalties around those who are in a position to bid successfully but are not doing so. But there will be a number of issues that we want/need to take into consideration but will do so in consultation beforehand.
I hope I have been able to answer your query satisfactorily.
Regards
Thanks [Allocations] for your reply.
Yes, my friend is a council tenant. Why, if people such as myself have been accepted as homeless under the council's duty of care, why can't we have the same 'advantages' as council tenants. Not that harrassment is an advantage, far from it for anyone, but you know what I mean. I wish her luck of course, as I'm constantly wishing luck for myself and my son.
How will the council decide if someone is 'in a position to bid'? I might be seen to be in a position to do so but I'm not in a position to bid, I've explained why but I wouldn't trust the council to take that into account, for they didn't take into account letters from psychiatrists in the past saying how important a secure home was for me.
Can you let me know what the issues are that may be considered, particularly in light of penalties? It directly affects me and my son. In a year and a half our lease will be up. With the points I have currently I would not be successful bidding, not now, not then, particularly as you know I was not successful when in 'desperate need'.
It's all hopeless to be honest with you, really hopeless and I really don't know what to do about it anymore.
Thanks again for your reply. It's good to know I'm not being penalised yet
I hope we don't get penalised at all.
Kind regards
Dear Ms [de Nim]
Thank you for your email.
I don’t think anyone who has to move unwillingly from their home because of harassment/DV would say that harassment priority is an advantage. However, it is more difficult to move a council tenant who has an established tenancy than it is a homeless applicant, because we can always find alternative temporary accommodation immediately for homeless applicants than we can for council tenants.
In deciding whether someone would be in a successful position to bid, we would need to consider the size of home they require, the number of properties that have become available in the past year, the number of points they have, the average points that size property based on successful bids, whether the applicant had above average points and their bidding frequency.
The review of the scheme has not begun and so penalties aren’t being considered at the moment, but that is not to say that they would be entirely ruled out. It is something that might be considered. However, I really don’t want you to dwell on something that might not happen and has not been opened up for discussion at this particular time. The issue of penalties among other issues relating to the allocations scheme would be something to take into consideration as part of the consultation process of the review of the scheme.
Regards
Dear [Allocations],
Harrassment is no way an advantage, no way, that's why I put it in inverted commas. It's really sad it has come to that for my friend, who like you say, was a council tenant so harder for her family to move into another better permanent home. She actually should have been moved a long time ago so hopefully her time in [England's Hostel] will be short. The fact that it's very easy to move me is what has catastrophic effects on my mental health.
You are right also that I shouldn't dwell on something that hasn't happened but on your list, already, bidding frequency is considered. I have tried to do it while I've been here but I crash. I crash into a dark dark place. Every time. When I moved into [Papier Mache Towers] and started bidding after six months I was contemplating how I could kill myself when there was a powercut and I heard my son call out for me. It still shocks me today that if the window could open wider than a couple of inches, I wouldn't be here. I'd have left a three year old boy sitting at a table, possibly clambering out after me.
I've been bidding despite hating the process because I had to, I was losing my home and now I'm blocked. I can't physically do it and now I can't apply for jobs either. And worse of all, no-one can help me. I've had tons of therapy and still I here am, with a bidding frequency of zero, unable to do what I have to do, even though stability is what I crave for my son and myself.
Please let me know when the consultation starts. In the meantime I will try not to think of housing so if you could write a note by my number that due to mental health problems I am unable to bid for properties I would be very grateful. I don't want the lack of activity to be held against us should we be evicted again in a year's time. I don't think I can go through it again [Allocations]. Three times is already too much.
Kind regards
Sue
Out Of Office AutoReply: Is it true....?
Still, the system doesn't give a toss if you kill yourself.
Take Jennyfer Spencer; a martyr to housing. Yesterday I asked the shadow housing minister to take up her case on the Guardian Housing Network discussion and gave him the article link. Will he? Look out for it.
As for me, I might send someone this run of emails, just in case you know, just in case.
In the meantime, suicide is very much in the news at the moment, with Clarkson calling victims Jonny Suicide and selfish for hurling themselves infront of an oncoming train. So um, I guess this is quite topical. Oh stigs, we're so on trend...
2nd December
Subject: Is it true...?
Dear [Allocations],
I hope you are well. You might be quite surprised to get an email from me but you are the best person who can clarify something I was told this morning.
A friend of mine who has been harrassed in her home, been given extra points and is bidding now from [England's Hostel] told me she'd been told it was important to bid or we got penalised.
Is that true?
I know the waiting list is long and the coalition want council's to shorten it but is one way to reduce it, to penalise people who do not bid on the homeconnections site?
I do not bid.
I cannot bid.
I've tried but I go into a suicide default position where I want to kill myself.
It's very hard to live in a dark dark place like that so I try to avoid it, and it's best avoided by not bidding.
I don't have enough points.
As you know, when I was in desperate need I was unsuccessful. I have no chance now and the knowledge of three evictions. So I cannot bid and I cannot avert another eviction and now I discover I will penalised because of that. [Ex homeless household support worker] knows all this because I told him.
I actually signed on to ESA two weeks ago following another breakdown. I wouldn't mind having another breakdown if I knew the home I was in was settled and my child was settled in his school because it might be the last one I have but I don't have that kind of security so I am likely to keep on having breakdowns, to keep on landing in my suicide default position where I want to kill myself but can't because I love my son and will not leave him.
Please tell me what the new rules are around housing. Please tell me what it means for my family that we do not/are unable to bid. I can't make my son start doing it. Make a nine year old feel that desperation and hopelessness? I can't.
We do love this flat. We have a room each and it's a great location for my son's school, friends, community we have lived in all his life.
It's expensive though. I've been paying last winter's electricity bill at £40 a week so I've not put the heating on yet even though it's cold.
I got a letter yesterday from the housing association saying I was £2000 in arrears which simply isn't true. It can't be true. I have not started work yet, I have been unsuccessul with all my applications. I'm aware I'm better off than those families in the private sector who have had their housing benefit capped. Same fears though.
If you could let me know about the housing rules and how they fit around my family - just the two of us in temporary accommodation - I would be really grateful.
If you are no longer the best person to speak to about housing allocation please let me know who is.
Thanks very much
Kind regards
Dear Ms [de Nim]
Thank you for your email. However, I believe you have been given incorrect information. There are no new rules around bidding and we do not have a system where people are penalised for not bidding.
Under our current allocations scheme, some points will be time-limited for a period of time i.e. three or six months say for harassment/DV and after that period has expired the points will be automatically removed from the application. This could be what your friend means. I presume that she is a council tenant placed temporarily at [England’s Hostel], because homeless applicants under the current scheme do not receive harassment priority.
We will be reviewing the allocations scheme next year and it is very possible that we will make a number of changes and consider penalties around those who are in a position to bid successfully but are not doing so. But there will be a number of issues that we want/need to take into consideration but will do so in consultation beforehand.
I hope I have been able to answer your query satisfactorily.
Regards
Thanks [Allocations] for your reply.
Yes, my friend is a council tenant. Why, if people such as myself have been accepted as homeless under the council's duty of care, why can't we have the same 'advantages' as council tenants. Not that harrassment is an advantage, far from it for anyone, but you know what I mean. I wish her luck of course, as I'm constantly wishing luck for myself and my son.
How will the council decide if someone is 'in a position to bid'? I might be seen to be in a position to do so but I'm not in a position to bid, I've explained why but I wouldn't trust the council to take that into account, for they didn't take into account letters from psychiatrists in the past saying how important a secure home was for me.
Can you let me know what the issues are that may be considered, particularly in light of penalties? It directly affects me and my son. In a year and a half our lease will be up. With the points I have currently I would not be successful bidding, not now, not then, particularly as you know I was not successful when in 'desperate need'.
It's all hopeless to be honest with you, really hopeless and I really don't know what to do about it anymore.
Thanks again for your reply. It's good to know I'm not being penalised yet
I hope we don't get penalised at all.
Kind regards
Dear Ms [de Nim]
Thank you for your email.
I don’t think anyone who has to move unwillingly from their home because of harassment/DV would say that harassment priority is an advantage. However, it is more difficult to move a council tenant who has an established tenancy than it is a homeless applicant, because we can always find alternative temporary accommodation immediately for homeless applicants than we can for council tenants.
In deciding whether someone would be in a successful position to bid, we would need to consider the size of home they require, the number of properties that have become available in the past year, the number of points they have, the average points that size property based on successful bids, whether the applicant had above average points and their bidding frequency.
The review of the scheme has not begun and so penalties aren’t being considered at the moment, but that is not to say that they would be entirely ruled out. It is something that might be considered. However, I really don’t want you to dwell on something that might not happen and has not been opened up for discussion at this particular time. The issue of penalties among other issues relating to the allocations scheme would be something to take into consideration as part of the consultation process of the review of the scheme.
Regards
Dear [Allocations],
Harrassment is no way an advantage, no way, that's why I put it in inverted commas. It's really sad it has come to that for my friend, who like you say, was a council tenant so harder for her family to move into another better permanent home. She actually should have been moved a long time ago so hopefully her time in [England's Hostel] will be short. The fact that it's very easy to move me is what has catastrophic effects on my mental health.
You are right also that I shouldn't dwell on something that hasn't happened but on your list, already, bidding frequency is considered. I have tried to do it while I've been here but I crash. I crash into a dark dark place. Every time. When I moved into [Papier Mache Towers] and started bidding after six months I was contemplating how I could kill myself when there was a powercut and I heard my son call out for me. It still shocks me today that if the window could open wider than a couple of inches, I wouldn't be here. I'd have left a three year old boy sitting at a table, possibly clambering out after me.
I've been bidding despite hating the process because I had to, I was losing my home and now I'm blocked. I can't physically do it and now I can't apply for jobs either. And worse of all, no-one can help me. I've had tons of therapy and still I here am, with a bidding frequency of zero, unable to do what I have to do, even though stability is what I crave for my son and myself.
Please let me know when the consultation starts. In the meantime I will try not to think of housing so if you could write a note by my number that due to mental health problems I am unable to bid for properties I would be very grateful. I don't want the lack of activity to be held against us should we be evicted again in a year's time. I don't think I can go through it again [Allocations]. Three times is already too much.
Kind regards
Sue
Out Of Office AutoReply: Is it true....?
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Taking breaks from Life
I've swooped into Blogland to let you know I shall probably start writing again next week, and it will probably be retrospective stuff written over the past two that I've not been on here.
I'm in a funny space. Funny strange and funny haha and funny cos it's not funny at all. One of those spaces! You know it?!
I took myself to the doctor and said I was fine apart from the headaches and I was generally ok, ya know. Told her I'd been to a psychic healer and was reading about God.
Well...bless her, she said I was very depressed and needed something more 'concrete'. I sniggered because God is a pretty concrete concept to me at the moment (that's what reading does to you...)
But, you know, my Life. Nothing much to snigger about there for millions of us. The Chancellors shoved his austerity cloak/blanket/shroud on women and children (I read in the Mirror yesterday) and my housing associatiion is saying I'm now £2067 in arrears and the job centre has sent me a P45 form. I've just signed off sick, not signing on for paid employment.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, there is the space I am in. What I do not understand I push to the side so I don't have to deal with it and then turn my attention to Light and Love and the Universe and God and my Son and Christmas being the Season of Goodwill.
I know though, as you must know, that things that you push to the side, things that you ignore have a habit of coming back to you and slapping you in the face so hard your head spins.
That's the space I am in. My head is spinning.
It's not bad actually. Actually it's better than I've ever felt before. Woooo! What a trip! Just don't talk to me about reality!!
"You need something more concrete" says the doc.
Tell that to the Government...
Well, until the next time my friends!!!
In the meantime take a look at Conversations with God Book 3. How a purposeful successful Matriachy became a Patriachy and all you might want to know about the After Life. It's good, it's really good. It's very comforting too!
I'm in a funny space. Funny strange and funny haha and funny cos it's not funny at all. One of those spaces! You know it?!
I took myself to the doctor and said I was fine apart from the headaches and I was generally ok, ya know. Told her I'd been to a psychic healer and was reading about God.
Well...bless her, she said I was very depressed and needed something more 'concrete'. I sniggered because God is a pretty concrete concept to me at the moment (that's what reading does to you...)
But, you know, my Life. Nothing much to snigger about there for millions of us. The Chancellors shoved his austerity cloak/blanket/shroud on women and children (I read in the Mirror yesterday) and my housing associatiion is saying I'm now £2067 in arrears and the job centre has sent me a P45 form. I've just signed off sick, not signing on for paid employment.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, there is the space I am in. What I do not understand I push to the side so I don't have to deal with it and then turn my attention to Light and Love and the Universe and God and my Son and Christmas being the Season of Goodwill.
I know though, as you must know, that things that you push to the side, things that you ignore have a habit of coming back to you and slapping you in the face so hard your head spins.
That's the space I am in. My head is spinning.
It's not bad actually. Actually it's better than I've ever felt before. Woooo! What a trip! Just don't talk to me about reality!!
"You need something more concrete" says the doc.
Tell that to the Government...
Well, until the next time my friends!!!
In the meantime take a look at Conversations with God Book 3. How a purposeful successful Matriachy became a Patriachy and all you might want to know about the After Life. It's good, it's really good. It's very comforting too!
Friday, 11 November 2011
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Fuck, who knew????????
I see a single mum outside school today who tells me she's going to resign from her job at the NHS. I tell her I'm going to a school reunion.
"That'll be good," she says.
"Oh I dunno, the place was a prison. I'm only just admitting it to myself now that it was traumatic."
We chat, and the long and the short and the tall and the small of it, she tells me that I'm going through post traumatic stress disorder. She went through it years ago with an experience relating to her teens.
The initial experience is so big our brains can't compartmentalise it. Here is a page I just found from Mind. You might find it useful.
I'm a bit blown away to be honest (forgive the pun on this day of all days). 2002 years after the event a light shines.
My breakdowns in Japan, when the Church evicted me, when I was evicted from Papier Mache Towers (which is documented here on the blog)
Who knew??????!
It's November 11th today. 11.11.11.Rememberance Day. NotSupermum has written a beautiful post containing a beautiful poem:
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.
There are a million thoughts in a moment's silence.
I'd just like to say thank you.
I see a single mum outside school today who tells me she's going to resign from her job at the NHS. I tell her I'm going to a school reunion.
"That'll be good," she says.
"Oh I dunno, the place was a prison. I'm only just admitting it to myself now that it was traumatic."
We chat, and the long and the short and the tall and the small of it, she tells me that I'm going through post traumatic stress disorder. She went through it years ago with an experience relating to her teens.
The initial experience is so big our brains can't compartmentalise it. Here is a page I just found from Mind. You might find it useful.
I'm a bit blown away to be honest (forgive the pun on this day of all days). 2002 years after the event a light shines.
My breakdowns in Japan, when the Church evicted me, when I was evicted from Papier Mache Towers (which is documented here on the blog)
Who knew??????!
It's November 11th today. 11.11.11.Rememberance Day. NotSupermum has written a beautiful post containing a beautiful poem:
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.
There are a million thoughts in a moment's silence.
I'd just like to say thank you.
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Reunions a chance to let go, right?
Some friends can't understand why, how, I've not let go of my school days. Well, the answer is, because it's been hard. I did let go of it in Japan (or so I thought), came home overland by foot and everything, contacted four friends then got pregnant by one of them.
Here goes, the top three events that have ensured that the memories of that school come back and back and back and have caused two mental breakdowns as consequence, maybe even three. Hopefully not four.
Having a baby with the Foca. Prime cutlet of first class gossip me. Then dumped. Then (effectively) evicted from his brothers house (oh why didn't I take it to court?). I'll tell them me and the Foca are bezzy mates if they ask.
It's all about being judged isn't it, always has been and here is my chance to stand in the face of all that judgement. I reckon that's what most people are afraid of, nervous of, what people find quite traumatic. Do you like being judged? Are you afraid of it? I wish I was going back as a film star, rock star! Human rights lawyer. Millionaire. Seriously feckin' rich. No. I'm going back as a single mother on benefits. I'm thinking how lucky I am that I was never Head Girl.
Being evicted by the church when my son was two years old. Throw yourself at the Bishop's mercy the good priest told me. "We have no duty to care for you."
You were sent by Satan to do the Devil's work . I file that under trauma
Facing eviction and threatened with hostels twice
The school link: Detention, sometimes indefinite detention. 'Housebound' they called it then. 'Early Nights' they call it now. Can file that under trauma too.
What is going to this reunion going to achieve? That if I end up in a hostel indefinitely I will survive?
It's not going to achieve anything, is it? I cried so hard the other night, so hard, as the thought of our next eviction loomed into my mind. Fighting for my son again, for his education, that whole threat of displacement, how living with me puts him at risk of so much change and insecurity that perhaps it would be better that he goes to live with his father. His father who can give him what I can't. I ground those tears, god they're so painful, then thought no. My child doesn't want to be separated from me and I will not sacrifice him, even if his life away from me is better.
Sorry to admit this to you, but there is so much pain in my life
Fuck, sorry.
The man was nice on the phone to me yesterday. I told him I was a bit scared, bad memories n all. He said last year a 64 year old man came back for the first time who'd hated the place. Another guy, a major in the army, came back and cried.
So many of us hated it back then, I said. Alot's changed. There's no saturday morning school anymore for starters.
The man said things like "we'll take care of you"
and I thought no and I cried no and I cried and cried some more and some more and I couldn't stop and I thought I'm not a victim
I'm not a creep
I'm not a loser
I'm not um, a wierdo
I do belong here
and Radiohead is a great name for a band and that is a great song.
Here goes, the top three events that have ensured that the memories of that school come back and back and back and have caused two mental breakdowns as consequence, maybe even three. Hopefully not four.
Having a baby with the Foca. Prime cutlet of first class gossip me. Then dumped. Then (effectively) evicted from his brothers house (oh why didn't I take it to court?). I'll tell them me and the Foca are bezzy mates if they ask.
It's all about being judged isn't it, always has been and here is my chance to stand in the face of all that judgement. I reckon that's what most people are afraid of, nervous of, what people find quite traumatic. Do you like being judged? Are you afraid of it? I wish I was going back as a film star, rock star! Human rights lawyer. Millionaire. Seriously feckin' rich. No. I'm going back as a single mother on benefits. I'm thinking how lucky I am that I was never Head Girl.
Being evicted by the church when my son was two years old. Throw yourself at the Bishop's mercy the good priest told me. "We have no duty to care for you."
You were sent by Satan to do the Devil's work . I file that under trauma
Facing eviction and threatened with hostels twice
The school link: Detention, sometimes indefinite detention. 'Housebound' they called it then. 'Early Nights' they call it now. Can file that under trauma too.
What is going to this reunion going to achieve? That if I end up in a hostel indefinitely I will survive?
It's not going to achieve anything, is it? I cried so hard the other night, so hard, as the thought of our next eviction loomed into my mind. Fighting for my son again, for his education, that whole threat of displacement, how living with me puts him at risk of so much change and insecurity that perhaps it would be better that he goes to live with his father. His father who can give him what I can't. I ground those tears, god they're so painful, then thought no. My child doesn't want to be separated from me and I will not sacrifice him, even if his life away from me is better.
Sorry to admit this to you, but there is so much pain in my life
Fuck, sorry.
The man was nice on the phone to me yesterday. I told him I was a bit scared, bad memories n all. He said last year a 64 year old man came back for the first time who'd hated the place. Another guy, a major in the army, came back and cried.
So many of us hated it back then, I said. Alot's changed. There's no saturday morning school anymore for starters.
The man said things like "we'll take care of you"
and I thought no and I cried no and I cried and cried some more and some more and I couldn't stop and I thought I'm not a victim
I'm not a creep
I'm not a loser
I'm not um, a wierdo
I do belong here
and Radiohead is a great name for a band and that is a great song.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Coming Home - at last?
Confession time...
I used to love Carole King. I've always loved Carole King but in Japan this guy called Jim said "Oh my god you like her?" and I fancied Jim so I stopped listening to my tapes and never mentioned her name again.
A statutorily homeless person about to embark on a Shit School reunion is going to have old memories surface.
Mine is that a few years before Japan and Jim I used to defend my choices. I didn't give a shit if people didn't like the same music as me (Abba and Meatloaf!)
I lost myself at Shit School. As clear as the sky is grey today, that is what happened. Me and myself separated and we've had trouble getting back together ever since.
I wish I'd known earlier
I did!
Oh well, I know properly now!
I should be embarrassed, shouldn't I?
Nah!
I actually found this song yesterday as I was trawling through the net looking for songs that I could tweet the housing minister with.
I'm not sure I'll tweet him with them. Maybe. Maybe not. Shall I?
Here's the link though, there are great songs on it, just chill and listen, aaah:
http://bitchmagazine.org/post/bitchtapes-songs-about-home
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