Message for A Single Mother's Journal - Why block me?

To A Single Mother's Journal,

I'm reaching you from my blog because a while ago I noticed that although you follow mine, you have denied me access to yours.

Then two days ago, I lost a follower. It's always a shame but you know, not everyone is going to like what you write. That's how I see it anyway.

It made me wonder though, if it was you! When I saw it wasn't, I clicked on your blog and I got this:

Blogger: permission denied
This blog is open to invited readers only
http://singlemothersjournal.blogspot.com/

It doesn't look like you have been invited to read this blog. If you think this is a mistake, you might want to contact the blog author and request an invitation.

Do you mind explaining? I know I used to comment on your blog. I comment on quite a few people's blogs. Did I offend you in any way? Why don't you just say, or delete my comment if you don't like it(like another blogger did who doesn't follow me, nor block me).

I wondered how to reach you because I was unable to contact you and figured writing to you through a post is the best way, seeing as you follow me.

Is there such thing as blogging etiquette? I thought there was, unspoken.

Maybe you could 'unfollow' me, Either 'unfollow' me or allow me access to your blog. You can't have it both ways.

Well you can actually. I figured I could block you back but there's no point. Mine is an open blog for anyone to enjoy or learn something from. You just have to google me and you're in. I leave it with you.

I have thought about posting something about you doing this on the mummybloggers site, see if this kind of thing is unusual and I might.

They might not respond to me, or comment on this. Years of blogging I've come to accept that. I'll do it next week though. Might put this post on twitter though (I do that with pretty much all my posts)

It's up to you but I hope you do the right thing. I also hope you're alright. You're a lot younger than me I think and it's very hard the life we lead bringing up our children on our own. I'm pleased my blog has helped you in some way because that has always been its intention.

Take care of yourself.

Sue de Nim

Freebies and Competitions

Thought I'd start a new label. Nope, it's not Freebies.

Sadly, if one writes a blog that is not popular by whatever guages popularity one cannot expect to get any freebies (the freebie thought came from reading http://mdplife.blogspot.com/2011/07/freebies-freebies-come-and-grab-them.html - another disqus blog I can't leave a comment on....)

So, having won a competition the other week, I'm going to start a new label called Competitions!!!! Or rather Competition Winnings.

I entered a Mirror competition a few weeks ago to win a DVD of Exile with John Simm and Jim Broadbent. Thanks Daily Mirror!!!!!!!!!

I'm rather hoping the label will grow, grow as long as my housing government and council label with hundreds upon hundreds of entries!

One can but try....so you try it too!!!

Good luck!!

Unpopular blogs

From the totally underwhelming response I got from my comments experiment I could be forgiven for thinking that my blog is incredibly unpopular.

It's not unpopular, I got three responses!

It's not popular though, that I know. Not so much because of my underwhelming response, but visiting other peoples blogs and seeing how overwhelmingly popular they are!!

The key, I guess, if you don't want an unpopular blog, is to change it. Change how you do things, set things out, say things.
Mine is merely not popular rather than unpopular so I'm not going to change it. Here's why I believe it to be not popular and why I am not going to change it:

The template's a mess!
Yep, I go to everyone else's blogs and their templates are not only tidy, but interesting too. Mine?! My goodness, can you see the Twitter icon today? The circle of moms icon looks like it's been thrown on! Yes, covering the identity of all my followers! Even I can't see who my followers are, just a spanner indicating where they are listed.
Below all that are all my labels and the posts I've written and those archived. All is in order which leaves me only to say that you can find me in my mess.
In space as on Earth I can find myself in my mess and in space as on Earth people do pop by not minding my mess and I thank you all for that and consider you to be true friends.

No pictures!
I like a blog with pictures, have to say but you will never get pictures on here. I can't, it defeats my purpose. Stigmum has to look like how you imagine her to look. She has to be what you imagine her to be. She is the most stereotyped individual in our society and while I lived in Papier Mache Tower with a fag hanging out my gob I fit the stereotype perfectly.
If I did put on pictures it would have to be of clouds and trees and such like and well, my blog isn't really clouds and tree like (though I could have a stab at some poetry (?) this morning about the clouds in the blue sky and the leaves waving at me from my living room window...)

Boring topics!
Housing...uuurgh..see, even I think it so how could you not?
There are opinions on benefits, politics, mental health, all kinds of things like that here but sometimes written in ways one doesn't expect - poetry? - songs - questions - my style changes so I don't get bored... Flip, yes, I'd have to call this blog unpopular if I didn't like it.

So yep, there's all kinds of treasure in this blog of mine..this blog of stiggers, all kinds of things that are personal, all kinds of things that maybe I shouldn't have written..transposed...

So to conclude: My blog is not unpopular, it's just not that popular compared to really popular ones like like oh I dunno the winner of circle of moms who's a dad.

It only matters if you have an unpopular blog if it matters to you
And if it matters to you
Well yeah, you change it
you just don't give up!
Blogging's fun!

Comment experiment results

This is funny (ha ha for me, not strange)

Yesterday I started a comment experiment after switching off the icon that allows me to 'moderate' them.

I wanted to see if I'd be alerted to their presence on my dashboard
I asked visitors if they were going to comment
I asked visitors if they prefered the immediacy of seeing their own comments pop up or didn't mind waiting.

I put the link up on twitter and to increase the pool of people who might help me with my experiment, put the hash tag#blogs because I've found people who write about blogging by clicking on that in the past and people who write about blogging might be willing to lend their experience.

I got visitors - not zillions but enough for a decent experiment AND....

ONLY ONE PERSON COMMENTED!!!

So that's, no! You are not going to comment! So impossible for me to gauge if you like seeing them pop up straight away then return to see if I've answered it (I'll come to that in a minute!)

A Modern Mother was the only one to comment so I thank you! What matters to her is that it's easy to comment and I will second that as for the life of me I can't comment on notSupermum's blog. I've informed her in a tweet, said her blog doesn't like me!! Can't comment on MeTheManAndBaby either but I haven't informed her in a tweet. Yet. Might be a Disqus thing, Disqus doesn't like blogspotters, dunno.

I don't know whether to keep the moderator icon switched off.
When I log on my dashboard often displays nothing then sometimes I log on and it says "One comment to be moderated" and I'm like, ooooh! I get very excited.

It was not always so. I set up the moderator because I was terrified people would comment only to be nasty but that's never happened here (does it happen on your blog?)

I also like being alerted to comments because I like to answer them.

With this method of non moderation people with very popular blogs would not be able to answer them (all). With a method of moderation people with very popular blogs would be very busy moderating!

Would they notice though if I, say, commented on something they wrote a year ago? Would you notice?

I'm not sure I'd notice if you do that on mine (I've written over 1500 posts)
I'll leave it as it is for now. I'm leaving it as it is because I like commenting on other people's blogs and seeing that they've received it. Maybe you are the same.

Are you the same?

Do you like to see your comments pop up straight away or do you just enjoy commenting on posts that resonate with you and don't mind?

Feel free to comment!

Modern Mother was curious to see how the experiment goes!

I'll tweet the post, put a #blogs tag thing again, see what I get!!

If I do miss the buzz of seeing "One comment to be moderated" on my dashboard, I may have to go back to it.

Would anyone mind?!

Comment experiment

Right, I wanna try something out.

Since time started on my blog, I've always had the setting to moderate all comments.

I like this cos I can see what post the comment is for - for some people read posts from way back, not just the posts written that day.

Many other bloggers don't do the whole comment moderation thing and I've sometimes commented on posts which aren't current ones they've written but they've found it and answered the comment (Frankie P!)

I also found that when I leave a comment, it's nice to see it go up pretty quickly. Visitors to my blog have to wait, which they might not mind, or maybe they do mind.

So, as an experiment, I've switched the wait for moderation thing off.

It may be I don't get any comments
It may be that I get zillions

No idea! That's what makes experiments so much more fun!!

So, are you going to comment?
Would you prefer to wait to see it come up or do you prefer immediacy?

Bold move this for me ya know....

Ah dear, sometimes I do make myself laugh at how pathetic I can be!
(sometimes I do have to step back from how serious Stigs can be...bit of fun, bit of fun stigs!)

Discombobulated by new followers!

Gosh, I don't know if I'm truly alone in feeling this, the discombobulation caused by new followers!

For many, the point of blogging is to generate as many followers as possible and I'm sure on that route, many a writer has felt discombobulated. They must do! If they want those followers to stay with them, they must have experienced a 'shit, what do I write about' moment.

That, um, has never been my problem and the fact that I have lost followers, well, reflects that!

However, I have kept some followers and the truth is, when you have so few, the ones you have come to mean an awful lot to you. Well to me anyway.

I'm not suggesting for one minute that if you have 500 followers, most mean nothing to you, but it would be fair to assume you don't write misery on a regular basis, which is why you have so many. (Or you do write misery but you're very funny about it, in which case, tell me who you are!)

Anyway, I'm beginning to digress but you're getting a picture.

I feel discombobulated because old and very recent followers will know I've been thinking of stopping. Thinking about it for longer than I've written about it. Thinking about it, really, since I started blogging again in January.

By my thoughts and constant thinking, I am supposed to stop writing this blog in the next two weeks. Maybe as early as next Friday so my son goes to Spain with his dad and I figure out how to live the week without him and without blogspot. Wean myself off the latter so by my birthday I am ready to stand tall and start again. Somehow.

I was going to write beautifully positive things and then go.

I was going to tell you that I was going to see Dobbie for the statutory instrument and leave it there. I did not want to post that he says 'NO' and nor did I want to keep writing about housing which is my sodding purpose on here (not that you can tell!). Will I get a council flat? They've said no. No no no. I can't keep writing about desiring a shit hole in a sink estate forever and NOR MUST I THINK ABOUT IT. It DEPRESSES ME.

On the other hand, maybe I should write that Dobbie says NO. It's in the public interest to know isn't it, that politicians don't give a shit? (Oh I know you know....)

I told Jen, my most faithful of followers, that I would let her know what becomes of my plans, my dreams, whether I get the arsing council flat I've been fighting seven years for.

Then, a few new followers (not from Twitter I must say!!)

Not only followers, but comments!

And there you go, I'm discombobulated.

I don't know what to do.

If I stay I don't know what to write about.

I love stiggers, I really do but somehow feel her job on here is done (or my job is done.. you see, I don't know)

Anyway, thanks for bearing with me. This was going to be a post about how for once I took out the recycling for collection and this morning see that the bags have been taken and the rubbish left behind!

Hang on, is there symbolism in that :/?

Views on Motherhood

This is where I pinch the comment I left on Frankie P's excellent post about the struggle we sometimes face as a mother. I read it after posting on Twitter that there were some mum jobs I didn't like. I didn't want to cook yesterday evening and I wish I could outsource tidying. So a timely post to know I'm not alone:

My cousin (wks part-time) said last I saw her, feeling really guilty: "You know, I love my daughter, I just hate being a mother." I found it so refreshing! I said "That's alright, I love my son and I love being a mother, I just hate some of the jobs.." We chinked glasses and gulped down the nectar. You a bad mother/person for saying you feel something missing? Not bloody likely! I love being a SAHM even though society doesn't see me as one or want me to be one and I do an utter shite job of it to be honest and I'm sure I wouldn't love it so much if I didn't (heh heh) blog because it's hard and while he's at school, repetitive but if I worked (at another job), then I'd miss stuff like his school assembly.
Perhaps, feeling like something is missing, is normal.
Dare I say that (gulp)?

Perhaps I should add that the 'something missing' feeling does pass, comes and goes! The beauty of emotions are their transcience. Right now I don't feel I'm missing anything, maybe because wider society doesn't think I should have what I do.
I'm supremely aware of how lucky I am to be a stay at home mother
When I was with the Foca I felt supremely lucky to have a job I loved separate to the maternal domestic one.

It's good to read raw open posts like Frankie's. Makes you question stuff ya know? Reminds you that anything you're feeling is felt by someone else, on some level, at some point.

Thanks Frankie P!

Vanishing comments

Lunarosa has just left a really beautiful, supportive comment, coming at a moment to shoot light through darkness.
Blogspot? Where is it? So I can answer her and say thank you?
Lunarosa, if you come back, this post is to give you very, very big thanks particularly as I've been thinking recently that this blog is so darn depressing I'm hardly surprised that hardly anyone follows, never mind comments. So yeah, thank you everyone who does.
I feel I have to write what I feel though because I'm not the only person going through this type of rubbish, so unavoidable in a first world country like ours.
Yes, so I raise a glass to your health, wealth and happiness and if you are not in this situation, I hope that you never find yourself in it xxx
(labelled under 'songs' to highlight the coincidence!)

My comment to Modern Mother

Modern Mother has written an interesting post - is being a good writer enough?
Given my day, I told her I would copy my comment to her here. It's lazy I know, but scroll down the blog label, and there are posts quite pertinent to it.

I agree with much of what you're saying. Being a good writer, I think, is enough but as you say, it all depends on your baseline.
The more boring your baseline (and I think of my blog here), the better your writing has to be to even so much as hope to have people following you.
I lost a follower today. She never commented so you know, I can't be too upset. This morning though, a mum, a follower, has commented and that was really nice!
I mean crikey, I was terrified of anyone reading me and your British Mummy Bloggers creation, has, well, helped me a great deal. More maybe that you can imagine. Slowly, slowly I navigate these waters. I don't know if my writing is good or even good enough, but I do know I'd like to improve it and blogland is the best platform for that!
So, from my unique position of not many followers and not many commenters I would say, that yes, one should market their blog, adding pictures is good! A light background helps! And well, I actually don't know really but do link me the cybermummy2010!
Thanks!
(if you don't mind, I'll copy this comment of mine onto my own blog. It fits in with what I've been writing this morning! It's also quicker than thinking up something fresh and original!)

On Velveteenmind's blog, where Modern Mother had posted a link I wrote:
"What I write about depresses me to the core. If it depresses me who can I hope to seduce?"

This sums us up really doesn't it stiggers?

Que sera sera!

Comments

Two people have commented (regarding the jailed mother). My voice is not the only one on issues of housing, parenting, this that and the other that pertains to life. Thank you anonymous people.