PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
Got a letter yesterday saying I have to pay back my former rent arrears.
Here is the email I have sent because I do not want to pay it, I do not see why I have to pay it nor understand why I have to pay it.
Dear (Former housing officer),
I got your letter yesterday afternoon saying I've got rent arrears from Papier Mache Towers totalling £184.49.
I have always maintained, this arrears is not my fault. I have been in receipt of full housing benefit since 2004 when I lived in Posh Street and was evicted and rehoused by the council. I do not know where this sum comes from, but it's not from any of my own wrongdoing.
If anyone thinks the sum is small, perhaps it could be paid by (the housing association) or the council, or indeed written off, because particularly as I am not the one at fault, it is not small to me.
I hope you are well. I've cc'd... my housing support worker because he was recently involved in a case of £4000 rent arrears being held against me by (the housing association) from this new flat. This was later deemed an "error".
I'll hear from you soon,
Kind regards
Sue de Nim
(It really is quite frightening just how long I've been in this situation, fighting for security and affordability for myself and my son. There are some things it's best not to think about.)
Showing posts with label smoking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smoking. Show all posts
Friday, 18 March 2011
Cigarette moments
I've got one. A cigarette moment. It's not painful, it doesn't ache, just I fancy a little hit which I know now to be a little choke, and I ride a bike and choke alot behind traffic and so decided that although I like hits, I don't like choking.
I've got a cigarette moment because I always used to think what to write in my real cigarette moments. Breathed in inspiration, breathed out ordered ideas - or so I thought, or so I think, I can't actually remember.
There's so much I can write on blogspot
That's why I'm writing this
Because you are not going to get anything I thought about writing this morning
Like the Volunteers party last night where I was given a certificate by way of thanks for my help
Or having to take the bus there because my son really is now too big for the baby seat on the back of the bike
I don't know what to write because I don't want to write what I will be writing - about more rent arrears.
Oh Fun! Don't you just love it?!
Housing. Stigs is obsessed.
A cigarette moment is also a good thing to write because I have finally bought a card to say thank you to the man who got me a free session at the Alan Carr clinic.
It's got a picture of a woman on the front, writing in a cafe, with a fag in her hand.
That was me once, that was me a couple of months ago.
I wonder what I'm going to write inside it, aside from 'thanks, I don't miss it.'
Because I don't. Not really. Not ever if I don't think about it. A thought hardly ever.
Let me go and make a cup of tea
Or maybe just post that post about rent arrears to get it over and done with....
This was a very pleasant cigarette moment.
Thank you.
I've got a cigarette moment because I always used to think what to write in my real cigarette moments. Breathed in inspiration, breathed out ordered ideas - or so I thought, or so I think, I can't actually remember.
There's so much I can write on blogspot
That's why I'm writing this
Because you are not going to get anything I thought about writing this morning
Like the Volunteers party last night where I was given a certificate by way of thanks for my help
Or having to take the bus there because my son really is now too big for the baby seat on the back of the bike
I don't know what to write because I don't want to write what I will be writing - about more rent arrears.
Oh Fun! Don't you just love it?!
Housing. Stigs is obsessed.
A cigarette moment is also a good thing to write because I have finally bought a card to say thank you to the man who got me a free session at the Alan Carr clinic.
It's got a picture of a woman on the front, writing in a cafe, with a fag in her hand.
That was me once, that was me a couple of months ago.
I wonder what I'm going to write inside it, aside from 'thanks, I don't miss it.'
Because I don't. Not really. Not ever if I don't think about it. A thought hardly ever.
Let me go and make a cup of tea
Or maybe just post that post about rent arrears to get it over and done with....
This was a very pleasant cigarette moment.
Thank you.
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
One month not smoking anniversary
The dentist told me my teeth were 'very stained'.
Yes, I'd noticed...
I've noticed too much.
On my third week not smoking anniversary I celebrated by having a cigarette.
I know...
Couldn't help myself though. I'd found someone to baby sit so I could attend a friend's birthday party and when I got home I asked him if he had any fags left and he said: "Yes, two."
I said: "Ooh, maybe I shouldn't have one then if you've only got two."
"It's ok," he said.
"Shall we go out onto the balcony then?!"
A fag's a fag isn't it? It tasted like a fag. I was pissed though and wanted another. Good job he had none left.
The next day though I noticed my jaw ache hadn't gone away.
Annoying, I couldn't lean on my chin for more than half a minute without thinking my jaw was about to crumble.
Was going to book an appointment with the dentish but you know how things are, you don't get round to it.
Then half term I was in agony. My teeth were hurting.
Booked myself an emergency appointment last Friday, at my dentist but not my dentist.
I went this morning.
Wasted flipping journey. They don't read the notes, I dunno, but I've got to go back at 3 when he's got half an hour to start a flipping root canal. I did not expect that. I was not told to expect that. Might have been good if he could've done it there and then but he didn't know he had to. So I've the afternoon to get scared.
I am greater than the sum of my parts
You are greater than the sum of your parts.
Oh Nico Teen, I'd love you now but only because I hate myself
No you don't
No I don't.
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life!" says Cainer as I munch on a bag of crisps.
Did he say that to you too?
I need to start making changes
Pinch Punch first day of the month
A Punch and a Kick for being so Quick
I need to start making changes NOW
Yes, I'd noticed...
I've noticed too much.
On my third week not smoking anniversary I celebrated by having a cigarette.
I know...
Couldn't help myself though. I'd found someone to baby sit so I could attend a friend's birthday party and when I got home I asked him if he had any fags left and he said: "Yes, two."
I said: "Ooh, maybe I shouldn't have one then if you've only got two."
"It's ok," he said.
"Shall we go out onto the balcony then?!"
A fag's a fag isn't it? It tasted like a fag. I was pissed though and wanted another. Good job he had none left.
The next day though I noticed my jaw ache hadn't gone away.
Annoying, I couldn't lean on my chin for more than half a minute without thinking my jaw was about to crumble.
Was going to book an appointment with the dentish but you know how things are, you don't get round to it.
Then half term I was in agony. My teeth were hurting.
Booked myself an emergency appointment last Friday, at my dentist but not my dentist.
I went this morning.
Wasted flipping journey. They don't read the notes, I dunno, but I've got to go back at 3 when he's got half an hour to start a flipping root canal. I did not expect that. I was not told to expect that. Might have been good if he could've done it there and then but he didn't know he had to. So I've the afternoon to get scared.
I am greater than the sum of my parts
You are greater than the sum of your parts.
Oh Nico Teen, I'd love you now but only because I hate myself
No you don't
No I don't.
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life!" says Cainer as I munch on a bag of crisps.
Did he say that to you too?
I need to start making changes
Pinch Punch first day of the month
A Punch and a Kick for being so Quick
I need to start making changes NOW
Sunday, 13 February 2011
Good times without Nico Teen
My first party without Nico Teen on Friday night
Wanted to blog about this yesterday but couldn't. Aaargh. Couldn't. Still can't if I'm honest. Aargh.
Such a fab party twas too! Kelly's Big One. Had to dress up as a Tube station. What a laugh! All them Angels, that amazing Bank in her gold figure hugging jumpsuit with notes pinned to her.
Skinner went in school uniform, Grange Hill! Her husband as a clown - Piccadilly Circus! Hornchurch was there and the Seven Sisters. It was a while before I got Maida Vale - doh! Her maid's outfit and veil on her head! Blackfriars, Cockfosters and Greenford; so many stations there!
Me, I went as Bow!
Still can't write about this, so much to say (dancing to Meatloaf with the smokers I met on the way in!)
In this post you are witnessing the struggle between me and Stiggers.
It's not flowing as it usually flowwwwwwws.
Also wanted to tell you about the lovely brunch I just shared with Em and Hus at The York and Albany. Yes! A Monsieur Ramsay restaurant! Passable it was too! (I say passable, I had the full english and well, lovely as it was, I get it all in with tea included down the caf for a quarter of the price) Still, fantastic to be with such fantastic friends in the kind of upmarket restaurant you don't often see me in these days!
I see from what I've just written that I can tell you anything I want to.
Why we struggling stigs?
And, oh, smoking? It's cool. Now and then I think of it with a fond tug to my heart but to be honest, I hardly think of it at all.
Parties are no different without it! (Is that you saying that or me stiggers?)
Wanted to blog about this yesterday but couldn't. Aaargh. Couldn't. Still can't if I'm honest. Aargh.
Such a fab party twas too! Kelly's Big One. Had to dress up as a Tube station. What a laugh! All them Angels, that amazing Bank in her gold figure hugging jumpsuit with notes pinned to her.
Skinner went in school uniform, Grange Hill! Her husband as a clown - Piccadilly Circus! Hornchurch was there and the Seven Sisters. It was a while before I got Maida Vale - doh! Her maid's outfit and veil on her head! Blackfriars, Cockfosters and Greenford; so many stations there!
Me, I went as Bow!
Still can't write about this, so much to say (dancing to Meatloaf with the smokers I met on the way in!)
In this post you are witnessing the struggle between me and Stiggers.
It's not flowing as it usually flowwwwwwws.
Also wanted to tell you about the lovely brunch I just shared with Em and Hus at The York and Albany. Yes! A Monsieur Ramsay restaurant! Passable it was too! (I say passable, I had the full english and well, lovely as it was, I get it all in with tea included down the caf for a quarter of the price) Still, fantastic to be with such fantastic friends in the kind of upmarket restaurant you don't often see me in these days!
I see from what I've just written that I can tell you anything I want to.
Why we struggling stigs?
And, oh, smoking? It's cool. Now and then I think of it with a fond tug to my heart but to be honest, I hardly think of it at all.
Parties are no different without it! (Is that you saying that or me stiggers?)
Thursday, 10 February 2011
Sisters doing it for themselves
The Master was away again this week. Mistress Dancer spoke to him just before class started.
With eight of us Mistresses there, we decided to give ourselves a class anyway!
It was not the same as with the Master, of course it wasn't, but it was cool. I was wheezing after the kicking routines we do. Wheezing! I stopped smoking near two weeks ago!
One scary part of Carr's book, or definitely the bit that put the fear in me back in 2006 when I stopped is when he says:
"A cough is one of nature's fail-safe methods of dispelling foreign matter from the lungs. The cough itself is not a disease; it is just a symptom. When smokers cough it is because their lungs are trying to dispel cancer triggering tars and poisons. When they do not cough those tars and poisons remain in their lungs, and that is when they cause cancer (my italics)" (p.73 Easyway Book)
I never coughed. If I did cough it was because everyone else in the country had the same virus, regardless of whether they smoked or not.
Mistress Mountain said I'd start coughing soon.
What a wheeze ey? What a wheeze! The class I mean heh heh!
Oh the play on words! Zen Boot Camp does that; it puts you in a positive mood!
(Was tempted, have to say, to have a quick puff on Mistress La Francaise's fag after class. Ya know, what's the harm?! One little drag! I am pleased to report I refrained and it wasn't very hard!)
With eight of us Mistresses there, we decided to give ourselves a class anyway!
It was not the same as with the Master, of course it wasn't, but it was cool. I was wheezing after the kicking routines we do. Wheezing! I stopped smoking near two weeks ago!
One scary part of Carr's book, or definitely the bit that put the fear in me back in 2006 when I stopped is when he says:
"A cough is one of nature's fail-safe methods of dispelling foreign matter from the lungs. The cough itself is not a disease; it is just a symptom. When smokers cough it is because their lungs are trying to dispel cancer triggering tars and poisons. When they do not cough those tars and poisons remain in their lungs, and that is when they cause cancer (my italics)" (p.73 Easyway Book)
I never coughed. If I did cough it was because everyone else in the country had the same virus, regardless of whether they smoked or not.
Mistress Mountain said I'd start coughing soon.
What a wheeze ey? What a wheeze! The class I mean heh heh!
Oh the play on words! Zen Boot Camp does that; it puts you in a positive mood!
(Was tempted, have to say, to have a quick puff on Mistress La Francaise's fag after class. Ya know, what's the harm?! One little drag! I am pleased to report I refrained and it wasn't very hard!)
Monday, 7 February 2011
Nicoteen Replacement Binges
"Beware of CATS," said the man in the coffee shop this morning.
"Huh?" I'd just been telling him and the guy who works there that I'd been bingeing on sweets, crisps, cakes... and everytime I needed a little hit, I made myself a little expresso.
"My yoga instructor told us to beware of CATS," he continued. "Caffeine, Alcohol, Tobacco, Sugar"
I have not desired Al Cohol since that stop session. I've not really desired Nicoteen to be honest, it's been a pretty painless withdrawal.
I knew I might have a problem with sugar because even as a smoker I was very fond of sweets! Biscuits! Cakes! Chocolate! Yummmm!
Last week's little binge session started quite innocently with a teaspoon in the nutella jar.
Now I don't have fags, I really must stop buying all the wrong snacks in the supermarket. I don't want to put on weight but I do want to maintain the weight I am. I do not want to replace all my clothes. There is no cash to replace all my clothes, I only spent £!5 a week on my addiction, not very much at all compared to the ready rolled gang.
Allen Carr wrote "The easyweigh to lose weight".
There might be some tips in there.
Meanwhile I have to find different ways of quelling the fire in my belly.
"Huh?" I'd just been telling him and the guy who works there that I'd been bingeing on sweets, crisps, cakes... and everytime I needed a little hit, I made myself a little expresso.
"My yoga instructor told us to beware of CATS," he continued. "Caffeine, Alcohol, Tobacco, Sugar"
I have not desired Al Cohol since that stop session. I've not really desired Nicoteen to be honest, it's been a pretty painless withdrawal.
I knew I might have a problem with sugar because even as a smoker I was very fond of sweets! Biscuits! Cakes! Chocolate! Yummmm!
Last week's little binge session started quite innocently with a teaspoon in the nutella jar.
Now I don't have fags, I really must stop buying all the wrong snacks in the supermarket. I don't want to put on weight but I do want to maintain the weight I am. I do not want to replace all my clothes. There is no cash to replace all my clothes, I only spent £!5 a week on my addiction, not very much at all compared to the ready rolled gang.
Allen Carr wrote "The easyweigh to lose weight".
There might be some tips in there.
Meanwhile I have to find different ways of quelling the fire in my belly.
Friday, 4 February 2011
And you are who, pumpkin?
An email in my inbox this morning, subject: Re:
No idea who the person is but opened it because I'm curious like that.
"Hi Nicky21"
Hmmm, wrong number.
I'll share the message though because it made me laugh as I adapt to my new life as a non smoker! I haven't forwarded it to any friends though in case it's a virus. I've had to delete it, junk. I also am very wary of chain emails and don't really like them as a rule. This one hasn't promised me anything though, it doesn't promise you anything either!
From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!
A woman was asked by a coworker,
'What is it like to be a Christian?'
The coworker replied,
'It is like being a pumpkin.'
God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'
This was passed on to me by another pumpkin.
Now it's your turn to pass it to other pumpkins.
liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.
Me and stigs would trade 'Christian' for 'Member of the School of Doris', but that's just us!
No idea who the person is but opened it because I'm curious like that.
"Hi Nicky21"
Hmmm, wrong number.
I'll share the message though because it made me laugh as I adapt to my new life as a non smoker! I haven't forwarded it to any friends though in case it's a virus. I've had to delete it, junk. I also am very wary of chain emails and don't really like them as a rule. This one hasn't promised me anything though, it doesn't promise you anything either!
From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!
A woman was asked by a coworker,
'What is it like to be a Christian?'
The coworker replied,
'It is like being a pumpkin.'
God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.
He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'
This was passed on to me by another pumpkin.
Now it's your turn to pass it to other pumpkins.
liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.
Me and stigs would trade 'Christian' for 'Member of the School of Doris', but that's just us!
New beauty routine
Cleanse
Tone
Moisturise
No cigarette!!
I spy with my little eye this morning that crows have come a perching on my face, up by the top of my cheekbones, they've left traces of their footsteps.
Did they peer into my soul I wonder?
What did they see?
That I too am a bird (of sorts!)?
That we can all fly higher than the dreams we dare to live?
Is that what I want to see?
Is that what I know?
Tone
Moisturise
No cigarette!!
I spy with my little eye this morning that crows have come a perching on my face, up by the top of my cheekbones, they've left traces of their footsteps.
Did they peer into my soul I wonder?
What did they see?
That I too am a bird (of sorts!)?
That we can all fly higher than the dreams we dare to live?
Is that what I want to see?
Is that what I know?
Thursday, 3 February 2011
"You're glowing"
The Master said it first:
"Did you stop smoking?"
"Yeah! On Saturday!"
"You can tell, you're really glowing."
"Really?!" Didn't feel glowing but why ruin the compliment!
Mistress La Francaise noticed too. We were together for the punching and she said 'you can really notice the whites of your eyes, zey are really white. It can't just be that, the fags, can it?"
"I dunno! Oh I want you to go to the clinic too, it's great!"
I wish I could describe the class to you, the discipline we're taught, the knowledge we're fed about our own bodies, as we stretch them this way then that, or power a kick this way or that, go from plank to push up plank to push up up in fluid movements.
I'm finally getting the hang of it, something's clicked in my mind, and I'm loving it!
Me and Mistress Ha Ha (most powerful I'd say of the troupe (and I felled her today!!) are going to stand outside schools next week and try and recruit more Women to the Academy.
If you see us, come along!
"Did you stop smoking?"
"Yeah! On Saturday!"
"You can tell, you're really glowing."
"Really?!" Didn't feel glowing but why ruin the compliment!
Mistress La Francaise noticed too. We were together for the punching and she said 'you can really notice the whites of your eyes, zey are really white. It can't just be that, the fags, can it?"
"I dunno! Oh I want you to go to the clinic too, it's great!"
I wish I could describe the class to you, the discipline we're taught, the knowledge we're fed about our own bodies, as we stretch them this way then that, or power a kick this way or that, go from plank to push up plank to push up up in fluid movements.
I'm finally getting the hang of it, something's clicked in my mind, and I'm loving it!
Me and Mistress Ha Ha (most powerful I'd say of the troupe (and I felled her today!!) are going to stand outside schools next week and try and recruit more Women to the Academy.
If you see us, come along!
Desire for a familiar enemy
I wanted a cigarette this morning. I really did. I was singing Britney's 'hit me baby one more time' to Nico Teen.
I asked myself why I wanted a fag when I didn't really want a fag. I wasn't feeling stressed you see. Yesterday went well with the support worker, he told me I wouldn't be evicted in April, that my tenancy was safe.
Familiarity I decided. I wanted to sit quietly with 'old virginia because well, we've been through tough times together, she understands me!
Fortunate therefore that it was Zen Boot Camp today. Fantastic class. Partnered with Mistress La Francaise at the end, couldn't resist telling her: "hit me baby one more time!"
Master 's boom box sang out the Specials - a Message for Mistress - "Stop ya messin' around!"
It was ACE! Crikey, when was the last time I said ACE?!
Can't remember!! Maybe last week but not on blogspot!
I asked myself why I wanted a fag when I didn't really want a fag. I wasn't feeling stressed you see. Yesterday went well with the support worker, he told me I wouldn't be evicted in April, that my tenancy was safe.
Familiarity I decided. I wanted to sit quietly with 'old virginia because well, we've been through tough times together, she understands me!
Fortunate therefore that it was Zen Boot Camp today. Fantastic class. Partnered with Mistress La Francaise at the end, couldn't resist telling her: "hit me baby one more time!"
Master 's boom box sang out the Specials - a Message for Mistress - "Stop ya messin' around!"
It was ACE! Crikey, when was the last time I said ACE?!
Can't remember!! Maybe last week but not on blogspot!
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
No taste for a cigarette
I know what fear tastes like. I know what fury tastes like. I know what desire tastes like.
It's a thirst -that even water cannot quench
Having a cigarette now would undo the amazing feelings of a few days ago.
The nausea yesterday afternoon was 99% of nicoteen leaving my body (sheet given to us by clinic - 48 hours after quitting)
When you stop smoking you have no alternative but to be strong because shit comes flying whether you want it to or not.
Don't give this country the satisfaction of killing yourself.
Rise above yourself instead.
It's a thirst -that even water cannot quench
Having a cigarette now would undo the amazing feelings of a few days ago.
The nausea yesterday afternoon was 99% of nicoteen leaving my body (sheet given to us by clinic - 48 hours after quitting)
When you stop smoking you have no alternative but to be strong because shit comes flying whether you want it to or not.
Don't give this country the satisfaction of killing yourself.
Rise above yourself instead.
Rent Arrears - £4,100
31 January 2011
Dear Ms de Nim,
I am concerned to note that today, 31 January 2011, your rent account is £4,140.00 in arrears. This includes the current weekly rate of £345.00
Under the terms of your Tenancy Agreement your rent is due every Monday in advance. Any arrears of rent (including those due to non-payment of Housing Benefit) are your responsibility and are treated very seriously by the Association. If the amount of benefit you receive is not enough to cover the rent payable, you must make up any difference.
If you have made a claim for Housing Benefit and your claim is not yet in payment or your payments have reduced or stopped then you must contact the benefit office to find out the reason for this.
PLEASE NOTE THAT DELAYS IN PROVIDING INFORMATION TO HOUSING BENEFIT CAN RESULT IN LOSS OF BENEFIT.
If you have received any letters from the Council asking for further information you must supply this to them immediately.
Please contact me within the next 5 days to sicuss this matter on xxxx If you do not respond to this letter we we will have no choice but to start the legal proceedings, which may, lead to your eviction.
Yours sincerely
Housing Officer
17th November 2010 - My notebook
Text to Housing Officer
Tommy, does the rent go straight to (HA) like it did Papier Mache Towers , or from me to (HA). Need to speak 2 u as went 2 housing benefit yesterday.
18th November 2010 - My notebook
Housing Benefit ok for now
Called Tommy. The "Landlord" ie Housing Association hasn't sent back the Housing Benefit form back yet. Seems it was something I signed in the short time we had when I picked up the keys.
I'm already in arrears with the Housing Association from the church eviction.
I do so hope the cost of their procrastination doesn't fall to me.
HB
1st Feb
Bang goes my break from blogging. There can be no break, not now Nico Teen's gone and I can't sit outside for hours with that. Stigmum is housing, she wants to expose it. I want to find, I want to find....I want to not deal with this crap.
Emailed benefits office and housing association. Called housing officer, no reply on landline or mobile.
No Nico Teen, no mulling.
I am pacing up and down though trying to find an avenue to channel down my anger.
Dear Ms de Nim,
I am concerned to note that today, 31 January 2011, your rent account is £4,140.00 in arrears. This includes the current weekly rate of £345.00
Under the terms of your Tenancy Agreement your rent is due every Monday in advance. Any arrears of rent (including those due to non-payment of Housing Benefit) are your responsibility and are treated very seriously by the Association. If the amount of benefit you receive is not enough to cover the rent payable, you must make up any difference.
If you have made a claim for Housing Benefit and your claim is not yet in payment or your payments have reduced or stopped then you must contact the benefit office to find out the reason for this.
PLEASE NOTE THAT DELAYS IN PROVIDING INFORMATION TO HOUSING BENEFIT CAN RESULT IN LOSS OF BENEFIT.
If you have received any letters from the Council asking for further information you must supply this to them immediately.
Please contact me within the next 5 days to sicuss this matter on xxxx If you do not respond to this letter we we will have no choice but to start the legal proceedings, which may, lead to your eviction.
Yours sincerely
Housing Officer
17th November 2010 - My notebook
Text to Housing Officer
Tommy, does the rent go straight to (HA) like it did Papier Mache Towers , or from me to (HA). Need to speak 2 u as went 2 housing benefit yesterday.
18th November 2010 - My notebook
Housing Benefit ok for now
Called Tommy. The "Landlord" ie Housing Association hasn't sent back the Housing Benefit form back yet. Seems it was something I signed in the short time we had when I picked up the keys.
I'm already in arrears with the Housing Association from the church eviction.
I do so hope the cost of their procrastination doesn't fall to me.
HB
1st Feb
Bang goes my break from blogging. There can be no break, not now Nico Teen's gone and I can't sit outside for hours with that. Stigmum is housing, she wants to expose it. I want to find, I want to find....I want to not deal with this crap.
Emailed benefits office and housing association. Called housing officer, no reply on landline or mobile.
No Nico Teen, no mulling.
I am pacing up and down though trying to find an avenue to channel down my anger.
Monday, 31 January 2011
Ooh! Support Text
Just finished posting text below and I get a text saying:
1 Day -
Congratulations on stopping smoking!
Hope u're feeling good
& enjoying life as a happy non-smoker
Any problems please don't hesitate to call
And there's a number. Our therapist gave us her card aswell.
Was going to text back and say 'yeah! Feeling great!' because I am
I do need to go for a walk though
I was abit late into the playground this morning, but I did not see Ugly. I do not like confrontation but I was going to ask her if she'd got my email, then tell her to leave my son alone.
I've heard nothing back from my email on Friday from anyone, not Head, Ugly, or even the Foca, (who I'd texted and asked to call me... I got through that on my own! Well, with Nico Teen too)
I don't need a cigarette now but it is quite something to know that I am coping without it!
I'm glad I have the number though. When your mind gets blown away so fantastically like that, it's a little unsettling!!
Be good to ask: Is it ok to be this happy??!
Why am I so fecking afraid of myself? I've got big dreams see...!
I'm not the only one... I watched Black Swan the other night, brilliant. The conflict existing within each of us, to lesser or greater degrees.
I'll leave it there....!
1 Day -
Congratulations on stopping smoking!
Hope u're feeling good
& enjoying life as a happy non-smoker
Any problems please don't hesitate to call
And there's a number. Our therapist gave us her card aswell.
Was going to text back and say 'yeah! Feeling great!' because I am
I do need to go for a walk though
I was abit late into the playground this morning, but I did not see Ugly. I do not like confrontation but I was going to ask her if she'd got my email, then tell her to leave my son alone.
I've heard nothing back from my email on Friday from anyone, not Head, Ugly, or even the Foca, (who I'd texted and asked to call me... I got through that on my own! Well, with Nico Teen too)
I don't need a cigarette now but it is quite something to know that I am coping without it!
I'm glad I have the number though. When your mind gets blown away so fantastically like that, it's a little unsettling!!
Be good to ask: Is it ok to be this happy??!
Why am I so fecking afraid of myself? I've got big dreams see...!
I'm not the only one... I watched Black Swan the other night, brilliant. The conflict existing within each of us, to lesser or greater degrees.
I'll leave it there....!
Harmful beautiful flowers
The Poppy killed 1000 heroin addicts in the UK last year.
The Nicotiana killed 100,000 nicoteen addicts. (Allen Carr Clinic)
Stress is straining against my ribcage this morning, as it might do someone who's at work or someone who's got an appointment.
I'm thinking if there was Deadly Nightshade tea, would I drink it? Would you?
Tobacco Companies in the US alarmed at the drop in cigarette sales. have developed smokeless tobacco gum. Found an article on google last night, just in by the reporter, but can't find it now for you.
Mint and fruit flavour gum!
My son loves gum, he's always asking me for it, I'm always saying no.
I might start saying yes so I can teach him the difference between brands if I need to...
Here, have this: http://kidshealth.org/teen/drug_alcohol/tobacco/smokeless.html
Tips for quitting aren't the methods I used, they are the methods currently used now in the NHS. You know, using nicoteen to fight nicoteen, not psychology and truth to whack it on the head! However that article is 2008 and things can change!!
http://www.allencarr.com/
The Nicotiana killed 100,000 nicoteen addicts. (Allen Carr Clinic)
Stress is straining against my ribcage this morning, as it might do someone who's at work or someone who's got an appointment.
I'm thinking if there was Deadly Nightshade tea, would I drink it? Would you?
Tobacco Companies in the US alarmed at the drop in cigarette sales. have developed smokeless tobacco gum. Found an article on google last night, just in by the reporter, but can't find it now for you.
Mint and fruit flavour gum!
My son loves gum, he's always asking me for it, I'm always saying no.
I might start saying yes so I can teach him the difference between brands if I need to...
Here, have this: http://kidshealth.org/teen/drug_alcohol/tobacco/smokeless.html
Tips for quitting aren't the methods I used, they are the methods currently used now in the NHS. You know, using nicoteen to fight nicoteen, not psychology and truth to whack it on the head! However that article is 2008 and things can change!!
http://www.allencarr.com/
Sunday, 30 January 2011
Joy! Freedom! Exhilaration!
Over a deep blue sea and beautiful coast line the words
Joy! Freedom! Exhilaration!
The first ad I see and I'm feeling just like that
Who is it? Easyway?
Turkey!
I've just quit! I'm no Turkey!
I can fly as high as the dreams I dare to live! (Monkton)
Joy! Freedom! Exhilaration!
The first ad I see and I'm feeling just like that
Who is it? Easyway?
Turkey!
I've just quit! I'm no Turkey!
I can fly as high as the dreams I dare to live! (Monkton)
Ten Instructions
Number 1: RELAX
Number 2:
Number 2:
Number 3?
Number 10: IF YOU FIND IT EASY TO STOP YOU MAY FIND IT EASY TO START AGAIN
Number 4:
Number 5?
Number 6: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS JUST ONE CIGARETTE
or was that Number 7?
You take with you what you need to remember. I want this lovely feeling I've got to last but there's the school gates tomorrow, child's social worker on Tuesday. Nothing changes because I've stopped smoking
but here's a thing
I needed to be quite brave to stop and what I've been given in return for that bravery is more bravery, more courage.
I didn't give anything up for these things.
Perhaps there was an instruction to remember that too!
Nicoteen was neither crutch nor companion just a toxic compound in a poisonous plant, wrapped up in white to make it look like something worthwhile.
I haven't needed a glass of water all day, but I need one now!
Number 2:
Number 2:
Number 3?
Number 10: IF YOU FIND IT EASY TO STOP YOU MAY FIND IT EASY TO START AGAIN
Number 4:
Number 5?
Number 6: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS JUST ONE CIGARETTE
or was that Number 7?
You take with you what you need to remember. I want this lovely feeling I've got to last but there's the school gates tomorrow, child's social worker on Tuesday. Nothing changes because I've stopped smoking
but here's a thing
I needed to be quite brave to stop and what I've been given in return for that bravery is more bravery, more courage.
I didn't give anything up for these things.
Perhaps there was an instruction to remember that too!
Nicoteen was neither crutch nor companion just a toxic compound in a poisonous plant, wrapped up in white to make it look like something worthwhile.
I haven't needed a glass of water all day, but I need one now!
The Easyway clinic experience
Tell me this isn't bizarre.
You go to a stop smoking clinic chugging away on your fags as though your life has never depended on it more.
You have a major internal panic when you discover you are going to have your final cigarette earlier than you thought you would. Much earlier. Still in the building earlier.
You get cravings but you don't pop out to satisfy them while the therapist is talking about enjoyment and relaxation, even though you're allowed to, because it's all very interesting and she's very funny; an ex smoker who articulates your feelings with some of her own experiences.
The fag breaks are great, chatting to the other smokers having a laugh about smoking rooms here there everywhere.
The sessions are great, everyone gets asked to speak and share experiences. Tales and analogies are told, it's good fun.
Three quarters of the way through the day (which is flying by somehow) an Irish woman tells you she's still really sceptical and you're like "yeah, me too. Casual smokers are like casual drinkers aren't they? Why can't we be one?" You drag on that fag of yours wondering how the fuck you're going to stop. Yeah, it tastes a bit shit but if you don't think about it.....
After that conversation, it's back to the room and with the little time left, the therapist wants to chat about the trap you're in, that everyone around you is in.
You might be feeling abit tired at this point, especially if you went out the night before and didn't sleep well when you got home.
What? Time for your last cigarette. Already?!
Your last cigarette and it is your last.
Out it goes
Easy!
How easy was that?!
Later you are standing outside Kings Cross Station, among loads of smokers, just a few hours have passed since you were chain smoking and now you don't want one, there's no desire for one. Your friend is half an hour late and usually you'd be pissed off battening down the frustration with your fags, like you did two nights ago, your fury in chains.
Nothing!
You don't care!
Your friend arrives and you can't stop smiling
Mindblowing upon reflection!
Totally, utterly mindblowing!
Everyone should experience this!
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/allencarr/
You go to a stop smoking clinic chugging away on your fags as though your life has never depended on it more.
You have a major internal panic when you discover you are going to have your final cigarette earlier than you thought you would. Much earlier. Still in the building earlier.
You get cravings but you don't pop out to satisfy them while the therapist is talking about enjoyment and relaxation, even though you're allowed to, because it's all very interesting and she's very funny; an ex smoker who articulates your feelings with some of her own experiences.
The fag breaks are great, chatting to the other smokers having a laugh about smoking rooms here there everywhere.
The sessions are great, everyone gets asked to speak and share experiences. Tales and analogies are told, it's good fun.
Three quarters of the way through the day (which is flying by somehow) an Irish woman tells you she's still really sceptical and you're like "yeah, me too. Casual smokers are like casual drinkers aren't they? Why can't we be one?" You drag on that fag of yours wondering how the fuck you're going to stop. Yeah, it tastes a bit shit but if you don't think about it.....
After that conversation, it's back to the room and with the little time left, the therapist wants to chat about the trap you're in, that everyone around you is in.
You might be feeling abit tired at this point, especially if you went out the night before and didn't sleep well when you got home.
What? Time for your last cigarette. Already?!
Your last cigarette and it is your last.
Out it goes
Easy!
How easy was that?!
Later you are standing outside Kings Cross Station, among loads of smokers, just a few hours have passed since you were chain smoking and now you don't want one, there's no desire for one. Your friend is half an hour late and usually you'd be pissed off battening down the frustration with your fags, like you did two nights ago, your fury in chains.
Nothing!
You don't care!
Your friend arrives and you can't stop smiling
Mindblowing upon reflection!
Totally, utterly mindblowing!
Everyone should experience this!
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/allencarr/
The final cigarette
After we finished our final cigarettes, we came back into the room and sat down on our reclining chairs. We were each asked in turn how we felt. There were a range of feelings; Excited, anxious, no different, relieved, scared, optimistic, it was hugely comforting to hear as everyone was answered on what they said.
It got to me and and and my heart was beating loud!
"I feel a little disbelief," I laughed, my thumb and index finger demonstrating just how little even though it was really alot. "I'm really excited about tomorrow!" and our therapist smiled "and and I really liked your analogy of the fly stuck in the pitcher plant!"
"Grab hold of any of the ideas that work for you," she said, she did say that, yes.
Then we did this hypnosis, and I've never been hypnotised so fortunately at the start of the class, we were told it was more a relaxation session, or that's how she saw it anyway.
Holy comoly! We were told to imagine ourselves in a garden and who I saw on a lawn of the brightest green, was me laughing as I held my son's hand who was skipping and laughing alongside me!
I felt my chest supressing giggles!
It was flipping wild, I've been skipping ever since
~ walking back to happiness oh la oh la la la! (Helen Shapiro)
It got to me and and and my heart was beating loud!
"I feel a little disbelief," I laughed, my thumb and index finger demonstrating just how little even though it was really alot. "I'm really excited about tomorrow!" and our therapist smiled "and and I really liked your analogy of the fly stuck in the pitcher plant!"
"Grab hold of any of the ideas that work for you," she said, she did say that, yes.
Then we did this hypnosis, and I've never been hypnotised so fortunately at the start of the class, we were told it was more a relaxation session, or that's how she saw it anyway.
Holy comoly! We were told to imagine ourselves in a garden and who I saw on a lawn of the brightest green, was me laughing as I held my son's hand who was skipping and laughing alongside me!
I felt my chest supressing giggles!
It was flipping wild, I've been skipping ever since
~ walking back to happiness oh la oh la la la! (Helen Shapiro)
Leaps of faith
When it was time for our final cigarette, we were told to go into one of the smoking rooms and not chat to one another. What we were all about to do was a big decision and we've all had to make big decisions in our lives
We were told to make a vow to ourselves, a promise and I thought shit, this is it, I have to sit down.
Cross legged by the bin I breathed back huge lungfuls of 'Old Virginia but I wasn't feeling panic, nor was I feeling excited.
I was thinking of the fly who goes for a curious taste of the nectar in the pitcher plant and gets caught..It can't make any bid for freedom, it gets munched up.
I thought I'd better stand up to finish my fag, that way my feet could get unstuck.
I was dizzy as I rose, staggered abit. Couple more drags on the cig, I put it out in the sand and I walked out the room not knowing quite what had happened.
But whatever had happened, it felt really fecking cool!!
We were told to make a vow to ourselves, a promise and I thought shit, this is it, I have to sit down.
Cross legged by the bin I breathed back huge lungfuls of 'Old Virginia but I wasn't feeling panic, nor was I feeling excited.
I was thinking of the fly who goes for a curious taste of the nectar in the pitcher plant and gets caught..It can't make any bid for freedom, it gets munched up.
I thought I'd better stand up to finish my fag, that way my feet could get unstuck.
I was dizzy as I rose, staggered abit. Couple more drags on the cig, I put it out in the sand and I walked out the room not knowing quite what had happened.
But whatever had happened, it felt really fecking cool!!
Friday, 28 January 2011
What we should all tell ourselves
What we should all tell ourselves, particularly when we feel like utter shite.
What we should all tell ourselves, particularly when we've succeeded at something.
It was on my mate Charlie's ipod that time we were coming back from Scotland and he let me share his earphones.
I tend to listen to it when my back's against the ropes and I'm in need of hope
Girls, replace King for Queen, She for He. You're not stupid, you'll get it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjMsSHWUnP4
What we should all tell ourselves, particularly when we've succeeded at something.
It was on my mate Charlie's ipod that time we were coming back from Scotland and he let me share his earphones.
I tend to listen to it when my back's against the ropes and I'm in need of hope
Girls, replace King for Queen, She for He. You're not stupid, you'll get it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjMsSHWUnP4
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