Victims

Support worker asked me the other day if I felt like a victim.
"No, not now," I replied, drawing on yet another cigarette.

I am not a victim.

However, homeless families are all victims of a corrupt and unjust system.

Putting the Foca in the picture

The Foca brings back our son two and a half hours late. My son gives me a shell he picked up on the Brighton beach for me and runs in to get his Beaver top to proudly show his father.

"We've been handed notice," I say. "I was thinking, when you handed us notice, you should have gone to live with your sister and I should have stayed to let this process legally evict me from your brother's house."

He stares at the ground as I say this saying nothing, which I expected. "[Our son] says you're moving upstairs."

"No," I smile that manic smile of having had only a piece of toast to eat all day. "This is a process, the same nasty process we've been stuck in for years. Look how skinny I'm getting," pulling the sides of my skinny jeans as I say this.

We start discussing our son's birthday party but I want a reaction to what I said earlier. "I plan his parties every year but I can't this year. I feel bad as his birthday is the most important day in the year, but I can't take care of it right now. If you hadn't evicted..."

"I never evicted you," he shouts and doing the motions of carrying something heavy continued: "I moved you out, I physically carried your stuff!"
"To assuage your guilt!" I say.
"Oh fuck off."
"Don't speak to me like that." And off he stormed.

Back then, what feels like a hundred years ago now, I did ask him to go and live with his sister and let me stay there and claim benefits for the flat but he said no.

One day, after the Council came round to see if it was actually true that a father had handed notice to his son and son's mother, we had an argument.

"You're such a victim," he said.
"If I'm a victim you're a bully." I replied.
"Victim," he shot back.
"Bully."
"Victim."
"Bully."
"Victim."
"Bully." On and on until he left the room.

I was a victim back then, I'm sorry to say, but I had just been made redundant for the second time since my son's birth. My son was a year old. Following that row the Foca said he'd go to his sister's, pay off his debts, come and get us. So I moved out, he moved in with her and the flat went to estate agents to take care of.

Notice from him, notice from the Church, now notice from a Housing Association in accordance to its lease with the Council, my keeper, and the owner of this flat who bought it from previous owners two years ago.

Just giving you a bit of history.

I am a Masters Graduate!!

One of the reasons I did a Masters and not a degree is because a Masters takes less time. Two years if I did it part-time.

I wondered what would happen first. I'd get housed or I'd graduate? It was like a little experiment.

"It was our graduation yesterday," Mel told me on Friday. "There was free champagne apparantly. I forgot all about it." Obviously, so had I, so we laughed about it.

Now what was I doing on Thursday ? Ah yes, I was seeing lawyers with my "Notice Requiring Possession" in my hand.

Damn... but then my thesis was about homeless families. Council workers tell me I'm "intelligent", have "resources". I should be able to pull my son and myself out of this mess. Shouldn't I?

Reclaim the beach

Fantastic! Went down to the Thames Festival last night. Al, a fellow stigmamma and I met Mel and her friends at the Tate where there were hanging balls of fire, a great beautiful orb like thing of fire and we sat around one of the many fires nestled among the trees. My boxercise instructor joined us and off we all trooped down to the beach, where we reclaimed it and danced, danced, danced!

Like Al said in a text this morning: "Just what the doctor ordered!"

She left earlier than boxercise instructor and me as I simply did not want to leave and she had to wake up and look after her daughter this morning. Her nice bus driver took her home despite the fact she had no money on her oyster so she avoided getting lamped which is good!

When I was leaving, walking along the Southbank, a very cute Polish guy asked me for my number and I thought "why not?!" and scrawled it on his arm. He may not call, he may be put off by what I'm going through if we meet, I might not be up for the distraction if we get on but what a nice thing to have happened!

Note to self

You will be OK. It will work out fine. Yes it is Groundhog Day but you have tools you can work with. Think of it as a game where you have the upper hand for you know what your opponent is going to do.

Your mental health is important. You may not be crying this time, but do not be afraid to seek help. What you are doing is protecting your sanity because you know the effect that fighting a big organisation has on you.

By nature you do not like confrontation but in life it is sometimes necessary to be confrontational. Do you want history to keep repeating itself? You are doing this for your son. That is good, that is brave. You need to learn to do it for yourself too, confront what you do not like.

This journey is unpleasant, you know that, but it will end. You have to believe that. You must focus. Eat. Go to bed early. Accept that nightmares may come but as you lay your head on your pillow ask your guardian angel to help you sleep. Breathe. Picture your son. He is beauty, he is truth.

When all this is over you will know the lessons you are learning. Now you must focus.

Know yourself. Know you are strong.

I wrote this yesterday on Hampstead Heath. If I can write myself into a black hole, I can write myself out again.

What a horrible coincidence

I receive this notice in August. The Council says I don't have to move out until next August.
I got the Church's notice in September and the process ended the following....... August.

I suddenly feel sick. From September 2004 to August 2005 I fought as hard as I could for a secure tenancy for my son and failed.

It is September 2009 and I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO differently this time. I do not trust the Council I am dealing with.

What does mummy do my son? What can mummy do?

I should go for a swim. "Mother drowns in Hampstead Ponds"

Maybe I should just go for a walk instead.

Clear as can be, my possession notice.

You get this on your doormat:

" Pathmeads Housing Association LTD.
Notice Requiring Possession
Section 21 (4) of the Housing Act 1988.

To: Sue De Nim
Address: Papier Mache Towers

Pathmeads Housing Association Ltd requires possession of the above premises which you presently occcupy which you presently occupy under an Assured Shorthold Weekly Periodic Tenancy.

We hereby give you notice to deliver up vacant possession of the premises at the end of the period of the tenancy ending next after the expiry of two months from the date of service on you of this notice.

Signed: Squiggle
Date: 18/08/09

What would you feel if you received that? I've been to lawyers. They said the landlord will probably not go to court for an order for possession until January as "things can slow down in the run up to Christmas, you'll be ok til then."

I shall explain for you the SUMMARY EXPLANATION ON "NOTICE REQUIRING POSSESSION AND POSSESSION PROCESS"

To enable us to ask the Court to make an Order for Possession of an assured shorthold tenancy what we need to show to the Court is that we have served a preliminary notice under Section 21 of the Housing Act 1988. This notice is known as a "Notice Requiring Possession or a "Section 21 notice."

A service of that notice does not mean that there is a problem with your tenancy. The notice does NOT bring your tenancy to an end NOR does it mean you must leave the property at the expiry of that notice.

(This is the same procedure I went through with the Church. The first notice wasn't out on your ear day, but that didn't stop me shitting my pants for what turned out to be 9 months of waiting for the 'accelerated court order' after which we were put in a hostel, despite countless letters from the mental health services, local councillors, the lot)

The notice itself is merely the first stage in the process. Its effect is to entitle [stick in any landlord] to take the next step in the legal process, which is to ask the Court to make a Possession Order.

If we do subsequently ask the Court to make a possession order the Court will notify you that a claim for possession has been issued. You will be given the opportunity by the Court to respond and to let the Court know whether you oppose the claim for possession (I wanted to oppose the Church order, but was told it wouldn't alter things) If the court decides to grant a Possession Order then you will be sent a copy of that order. This will be the second stage in the legal process.

Even when a Possession Order has been made and your tenancy has ended you may still remain in the property until the Possession Order is enforced by a Court bailiff.

(I wouldn't stay the night in the hostel: The social worker I had at the time told me to stay there, she'd get me out. But oh no, I still couldn't take my son there. Go on Bishop, call in the bailiffs. It didn't come to that, three weeks later we were placed here. The Bishop showed his mercy after all. Or did he? How long does it take a Court Bailiff to enforce a court order? I don't want to experience it but I should like to find out.)

DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS PROCESS AGAIN???

January, you say 'needs and access'? Officers will talk to me then? What a coincidence.

If I don't do the Private Rental Scheme (and who's to say my landlady would want us to stay), you'll put us in a hostel? What's the word we call that? Blackmail? Bullying?

I am acting on behalf of my child. What you do to me, you are actually doing to him.

Every Child Matters? Show me. Give him a permanent secure tenancy.