Thursday, 3 November 2011

Coming Home - at last?

Confession time...

I used to love Carole King. I've always loved Carole King but in Japan this guy called Jim said "Oh my god you like her?" and I fancied Jim so I stopped listening to my tapes and never mentioned her name again.

A statutorily homeless person about to embark on a Shit School reunion is going to have old memories surface.

Mine is that a few years before Japan and Jim I used to defend my choices. I didn't give a shit if people didn't like the same music as me (Abba and Meatloaf!)

I lost myself at Shit School. As clear as the sky is grey today, that is what happened. Me and myself separated and we've had trouble getting back together ever since.

I wish I'd known earlier

I did!

Oh well, I know properly now!

I should be embarrassed, shouldn't I?


I actually found this song yesterday as I was trawling through the net looking for songs that I could tweet the housing minister with.

I'm not sure I'll tweet him with them. Maybe. Maybe not. Shall I?

Here's the link though, there are great songs on it, just chill and listen, aaah:


Michelloui | The American Resident said...

Wow, I loved that bit about changing your music tastes for the guy. I had a phase of about 10 years doing that for people. And I was never like it as a teen! I had an awesome pair of doc martins and one BF thought they looked geeky. I almost weep to type this but I gave them to charity thinking that 'the DM phase is done'. Oh how I wish I still had them. We have to go through that stuff though, to have our boundaries and our faith in ourselves tested so we can find the real us--the teen self was close, but it wasn't the real me, I don't know about you. No I know who I am much more than ever before.

Stigmum said...

Big bless you Michelloui! Yes we do have to go through this stuff, so glad you've said it. It's really hard! It's really embarrassing! Some of it is really shameful! All of it is tiring!

My early teen self was quite close to me but later, where did she go? She stopped defending herself. I stopped defending myself. It was easier to drink and get drunk.
At that school (as it's memories shaking me again) I started stealing bottles of whisky when I had the chance, when I was allowed into town and I would drink capfuls on my own, in my room, the nights I was punished for, I dunno, skipping breakfast.

I think I'm going through a "spiritual crisis" at the moment, bought on by this reunion. I may blog a little about it today, then, I don't know. I'm abit frightened of having another breakdown so will have to 'stay close to myself'

One day I hope that what I'm going through can be of help to somebody because otherwise, what's the point of writing about these hard hard feelings.

Thanks for your comment, it means alot! Oh, and I had a pair of DM's! I later bought a pair in Germany that didn't have the yellow stitching. They were my favourite, and I do still have them!! Rarely wear them though;)

Take care, from one who knows herself too but just has to make a little more effort to access her in day to day living! xxx