My Mother Out-law

My mother out law phoned last night. I've always called her so because I was never married to her son. I like her. She's small, about my height, always elegantly dressed and never minces her words, which she delivers with a soft Irish accent.

I see her about once a year and every Christmas she gives me a box of Clarins goodies because she knows I like that. "My life might be shit, but at least I don't smell like it," I'm fond of saying, though not to her, language 'an all.

My mother out law once said she doesn't like moaners. Her own mother, who I immediately loved upon meeting and only sorry I'll never meet her again, was widowed when she and her brother were both under 3. She worked all her life and is still vehemently independent despite being in her 90's. This Irish family aren't moaners, they are get on and doers.

She wants to meet me for lunch tomorrow, to wish me a happy birthday. My friend Charlie rang me yesterday wanting to meet me for lunch today but I declined. I wanted to tell my mother out law another time, but she's not often in London and well, I didn't want to moan although how I'll put a spin on my life tomorrow, I just don't know. I was thinking about it last night until I found myself in a puddle of sodium chloride (apparently that's what tears are made of).

She'll ask after my dad. He's not well but my mum's told me not to tell anyone so I'll say he's fine.
She'll ask after my mum. I'll say she's fine too. I'll say everyone's fine. Fine, fine, fine.

She'll ask me about the housing situation. Easy to say 'nothing happening' now. Every year it's the same answer, the question is almost rhetorical.

She'll ask me what course I'm doing and when I say journalism, she'll tell me I'm a good writer. Everything I've written for newspapers hasn't been accepted. Comes across abit moany, a bit self defeating.

I'll tell her I'm volunteering. That sounds good.

Do I ask her if she voted? If so, do I tell her I've started a political party? Best not, there are only a few members and I don't want her son knowing about it, don't ask me why. Possibly because there are only a few members which implies it hasn't taken off. Naturally, I want to have taken off, never mind my party. I want to have taken off a long time ago.

I'll ask her about her family. She has a big one. She is one super mamma herself.

Then right at the end she'll say how excited she is that my son's going with them all to Ireland this summer for two weeks. I'm not excited about that at all.

My god I wish I was over everything, over myself. Instead I dissolved into my pool of sodium chloride. Thank the mighty heavens for fish pie, that's all I can say. A mouthful of that will have me looking on the bright side of life in no time (Monty Python's Life of Brian).