Friday, 26 August 2011

When in existential trouble...BUILD

Yesterday afternoon, after my pub shift would have finished had I been at work, an Argos delivery man carried the box containing my 'desk and chair' up my stairs.

He smelt nice, which was nice.

Some parts of the desk required two people to assemble it but there was no second person I could call, so I did it myself. Took a while. lifted the structure onto the top desk bit back to front so had to lift it out again, but hey! I did it!!

So today. where I've stepped outside and had to step back in again because my chest keeps tightening and I think I'm going to have a panic attack, I have instead marvelled at my two new bits of furniture which given an illusion of ordered space in my living room.

Oh to have bespoke furniture for in truth, were I rich, I would not have a desk like this with a keyboard shelf attached by runners, because I have a laptop. It is kind of bespoke though; I've left my mark on it.. it's not a smooth finish!

So yes, with a door slamming shut on my pub job (she wasn't there both times I went to apologise so I'm guessing...) I'm hoping the renovations to my front room, with its pine storage and a 'beech effect' desk, will precipitate a lovely job, that I can do staring out on to the tops of these trees before me (I do so need the sky to be close)

So yes folks, I'm drowning.. letter from the electric company saying charges are going up by 11% in a few weeks..I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one to feel out of my depth

So, I'm taking some time out. Tidy up, read.. I bought myself Shantaram with some tokens I was given for writing a review piece for someone (£10!) but I may read something more spiritual instead because I hate feeling like this. Thinking you're at the bottom but knowing there is no bottom, you just keep falling.

My country is in existential trouble. It should take a leaf from my blog and BUILD. Build what's affordable. Build affordable homes for people. 80% of £350 a week is not "affordable" just like fix term contracts are not "secure".

I sign out and wish you a very happy Bank Holiday. Hopefully next time I write, my son will be home.

(oh and damn, was going to write about the Lily Shea Trio gig I went to - the guitarist is a friend and Lily's voice is smoky or else smooth like chocolate when sings her jazz and the classical music concert at St Martin's in the Field...I am actually alright, I just need to focus on something other than what I'm trying not to think about and really want to switch off my computer and breathe, and empty my mind of negative things. Thanks Stigs, ending on music!)


kal said...

(not sure if you got the comment as I can't remember all the different passwords we seem to need for different things). Good on you for your adventurous spirit - that's what keeps us going. Where did you go backpacking before kids? - from another adventurous mum trying to keep the plates spinning.

Stigmum said...

Hi Kal, thanks for your comment! Pre kiddo, my first solo backpacking adventure was to Vietnam where I had a fantastic time and also learnt not to put my fingers in my mouth (I'm a nail biter) or eat ice! Very good thing to learn because after that I went on a huge adventure from Bali to Britain and didn't get sick (and my nails grew! How beautiful!). Very last 2 week backpacking adventure was to Croatia with a friend then the bubba arrived.
I did go on a road trip with the ex when my boy was four months old. Not the same thing because we didn't have to worry about accommodation. I do believe I cried more for the camper van than him after he left! (Although, to be fair, I think I did all my crying for him while we were still together so nought left soon after his departure!)
Happy plate spinning adventurous one, tis true what you say, keeping them going is what keeps our spirit going! Thanks for the reminder!!