Monday, 5 September 2011

Fresh Starts

"I can't remember what to do on the first day back at school mamma," says my boy as we walk the walk to school.

"Oh just keep your head down and don't annoy the teacher. You don't want her remembering your name for the wrong reason on your first day.." (although have just remembered he's already singled himself out for talking while she was when they visited the class last term. Whoops - he's one that gets caught my boy, just like I used to..the apple indeed never falls far from the tree)

"No, I mean in the playground before the bell goes,"

"Oh, just stand by me until you spot one of your friends then go and play!"

"Then I won't see you for 80 hours mamma,"

Then the bell goes and I can't believe we didn't make it in before it because we were up so early and left in good time.

Last night I asked the arch angels to look after my boy, look after him, look out for him.

OK, I admit, I asked the arch angels to look after me too.

I have to present myself to the job centre on Friday to be taken off income support and placed on job seekers. The actions I am taking for work now I shall keep in my pocket for when I have to "prove" I'm looking. Failure to "prove" and I lose my benefits don't I?

Support worker is coming round this afternoon, he I have not seen for yonky donkey years, to "close [my] case"

I'm still in the same situation though; statutorily homeless and he is still part of the homeless households support team.

What does it mean exactly, my case being closed? Am I not eligible for social housing anymore?

I shall have to ask.

That's the thing with fresh starts. You can want them, you can chase them but there's always the reminder, for one such as myself, that it's just an illusion. The foundations are so insecure, like walking over floating blocks to get to the other side of the river.

Not for my son though. Year 4!! New teacher!! Same school, same friends, I thank the Universe for that, for him. His foundations are secure for all the new things that he is to experience and learn.

I understand within myself what I have to do - make a dash for it - and if I can just stop being frightened of falling in, I may just fly.

You know?

I don't know.

I Don't Know but I Want To.

Yeah?


2 comments:

Frankie P said...

How was the first day for your little man, did it go well?

Know what you mean about fresh starts, we are aiming for one soon just waiting for some news. I want it so much but i am worried that its not going to be all i had hoped for.

Make a dash for it, go for it, i am sure you will fly x

Stigmum said...

"Same as usual" he said to me as I picked him up and I was 'eh?' Turned out it was good, so far likes his teachers but let's see how it goes with his friends...3 out of the 4 parents exclude him outside school and it can have consequences inside the classroom...
The fresh starts, you make a dash for it too. I wish I knew what I wanted though!! I know it's a job but what sort? I know it's a boyfriend but what kind? I guess it's close my eyes and see where I land!! x