Monday, 5 September 2011

Abandoning my cause





I was all prepared to write "I'm sorry everybody"

I'm sorry because I'm going to abandon my fight for housing

I'm going to abandon all the work I put in, the letters I sent, the articles I wrote, the companies I contacted.

I can't do it anymore. It's easier to fight for others while I'm fighting for myself but I can't fight for myself. Anymore.

I have to let it go.

Support worker will come this afternoon to close my file, whatever that means and I'll get depressed tonight because I always do when reminded of the futility of my situation.

However, while I thought how guilty I felt and how sorry I was for abandoning all I've put in so far, I thought that if an opportunity regarding housing, presents itself, I will take it.

Even if I'm scared, I'll pretend I'm not and I'll just do what's asked of me.

Guardian Housing are discussing welfare reform and how it will affect housing providers from midday today. I'll log on and comment perhaps.

Perhaps I should change my username on the Guardian Housing boards.

First step in shrugging off the fear of personal consequences.

I'm not going to apologise for abandoning my cause because I'm not convinced I'm going to abandon it just as I'm not convinced I can abandon it.

I should strive to be that woman, whoever she is, immortalised in the university town of Coimbra in Portugal.

I should tell myself I am her.

I should feel that I am her.

As you should if there is something you must fight for.

(and yay stiggers, we've uploaded our very first photo!!)

4 comments:

Frankie P said...

So how are you feeling today after your visit yesterday?

Geengeheim said...

hope you're ok, nats.
You ARE that woman!

Stigmum said...

I got the wrong day doh, so gonna write a post labelled 'wrong days' - well hopefully, just an idea at mo!
G, I wish I were but thanks for saying I am!!

Marjolein said...

You Are, Nats. You're raising a kid by yourself in difficult circumstances and from what I read, doing a pretty good job, so: hats off!
Never tell yourself you're less than you are!
Btw, you're a good writer, ever tried getting in journalism? writing for websites or something? There must be online courses to get you started. Hope the job interview went well,

bye, marjolein