Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Wrong days

Nitwit that I am, I read the letter from the housing support worker wrong. Next week he's coming.

Next week doesn't suit - I have to take my boy swimming.

I didn't think I had to take my boy swimming yesterday, his dad takes him the weekends they don't see each other, but guess what? He didn't turn up.

Again.

You don't know it's 'again', you don't know the texts I have sent him in the past asking him to let me know if he's not going to make it. You don't know that the last time he didn't show I said 'that's it, Monday's are over' and a big row ensued so I said one more chance.

Yesterday I sent a text and said that unless a cab was outside my door, he wasn't taking our boy swimming on Mondays again. I would confirm in an email. I sent the text at 5, the email half an hour later.

At 10.15 I yawn thinking I shall take myself to bed with the book I'm reading (Red Queen by Philippa Gregory) when my phone goes, and goes again, and tells me I have too many messages and to delete. It's the Foca. I start to read but there's so much of it, I delete it and more comes and more I have to delete so I text him and say"I've no space 4 your texts so I delete them" then more comes about me ignoring or deleting and my phone again tells me to delete (because it's got low memory and I've got pictures on it) so I make some space and text:

" I've told you again and again my phone can't take long messages but again and again you send them. Just leave me alone. It's late."

The fucking gall of what he sends next:
"If I could leave you alone I would - we have a son - and you choose to act in a manner to drive us apart - then choose to delete or ignore my response due to the time of day - forgive me if I set my priorities differently and put my son above my need for sleep or ability to scroll through messages on a phone"

Er..who's messages?

Fuck..you missed the summer. The night he bombarded me with texts about how it was his weekend with our son (who'd seen him the weekend before) and how I was "a liar who doesn't co-operate". I forwarded that text back to him at the end of that 'text row'.

Then he didn't bring our son back from Ireland on the Monday as promised. When did he let me know my son wasn't coming back? 9.30 at night. Said he'd just got home. I texted 'That's no excuse' (for not letting me know) I emailed him because my phone couldn't take it and shit flew back. I wanted to ignore it but took umbrage at the word "bully" - that I am a bully - and told the foca that our son had told me that his dad had called him a bully and didn't want me to tell the foca that I knew because he was scared he'd get into trouble. "Are you going to tell your mother [I called you a bully]?" his dad apparently said to which my son had replied "No"

"Sticks and stones can break my bones
Your words will just bounce back at you"

The final line of my email.

Silence, until last night. I'd share his patronising message with you - I have it, he sent it to my email. That's flash phones for you.

How many characters in a text? 140? Like a tweet?
His text to me (you know how when they are too big they cut half way through a word or cut on the first letter of the next word..) Anyway, his text was (fuck, this is going to take me ages)

672 characters but I've only counted 3 out of the 8 paragraphs that copied in as email.

I have not, will not respond. He accuses me of ranting (not in this one, the reply to my text asking why he couldn't tell me sooner my son was coming home) yet rants himself.

I've ranted to you. I am sorry but going to bed last night without him dominating my thoughts and my anger and fury at him, well, thank goodness that the Red Queen is a good yarn.

I was a victim when I was with him. I told you that. I told you that funny (ha ha ha) day the council came round to see if it was true that the landlord was evicting his son and I cried and the foca said 'you're such a victim' and I said 'if I'm a victim, you're a bully' 'victim' 'bully' back and forth for endless minutes.

A few years ago I decided I wouldn't be a victim anymore and bizarrely that's when he started accusing me of bullying.

Do you think his wife was sitting next to him when he was sending me his 2000 odd word text?

In truth I don't care, I just want to end this post now. I've enough of him, really, lots.

Oh, our son wasn't disappointed his dad didn't show. Indeed, he was so scared about what his dad would do or say about him telling me about the bullying accusations that he cried and begged me to take him swimming myself. I said no, the support worker was coming (doh) and it would be good for him to see his dad, talk to him about what happened.

The foca sends me untruths about myself. He's not listened to me since the day our son was born. I've stopped listening to him now. He can talk all he likes, text, email. If it gets too much I'll go to one of the women's centres and get some advice.

What you should do if you're going through similar or of course, worse.

Legal Aid's been cut for families.

Sound Off For Justice(.org)

2 comments:

Frankie P said...

bloody hell is all i can say, sounds like my brother in law... So was your husband the landlord that evicted you guys?

Stigmum said...

Yeah, but he wasn't my husband, just my boyfriend, partner, father of my child..
Shit happens, as they say!