I discovered the phrase Spiritual Emergency or Spiritual Crisis in a natural remedy health book belonging to my mum, last weekend.
There was only one page on Spiritual Crisis but it told me enough that modern doctors don't understand it and will be quick to diagnose you with depression and put you on medication, which is what happened with me.
Medication didn't work for me, I almost committed suicide for fecks sake, and I've been through I don't know how many shrinks and psychologists.
I can't tell you too much, because I don't really know. I know that my last breakdown, I called it a breakthrough, because that's who it felt. It felt like both. The breakdown part of it though, was terrifying.
Religion is at the root of it for me.
Right, it's no biggie, though I have allowed it to be a biggie in my life, but at Shit School a priest told me that I'd been sent by Satan to do the Devil's work.
That's it. That's all. No priest ever touched me physically. Just wounded me at a time when I was experiencing major teenage turbulence of the emotional kind.
Good. I've admitted it now. To the world.
God says (in Conversations with God bk 21 p 80):
Religion asks you to learn from the experience of others. Spirituality urges you to seek your own.
Religion cannot stand spirituality. It cannot abide it.
On page 247 God says: Return to Sprituality. Forget about religion.
This is good for me even if priests don't like it. I cried in my bathroom this morning when it crossed my mind that when I email the school to say I'm coming, because I'm going to do that, the teacher that remains that I saw on the website may recall me and say that I am barred from the chapel and am not allowed to enter. You know, because "God doesn't want you there...."
Stupid I know but I didn't know this morning and different fears are rising all the time.
I have to lighten up or I'm going to have another breakdown for fucks sake.
Hey stiggers..Are you Satan and me the Devil or am I the Devil and you Satan? It's always really confused me....ha ha ha!
http://spiritualemergency.blogspot.com/ Brilliant, found it this morning.
Reboot is the label I used after my breakdown though at the time so much was flying through my mind and I was too scared to write because I was afraid I was going mad. Teaching is a label I used to explore spiritual stuff but when I started the blog did not want to admit I was a spiritual person. If I had, the label would read 'spiritual stuff'.
God, you really do learn as you go along...
What you resist persists so accept
What? That I've been sent by Satan to do the Devil's work or that I'm doing just fine with my kind of spirituality?
You know the answer