Friday, 4 November 2011

Spiritual Emergencies

I discovered the phrase Spiritual Emergency or Spiritual Crisis in a natural remedy health book belonging to my mum, last weekend.

There was only one page on Spiritual Crisis but it told me enough that modern doctors don't understand it and will be quick to diagnose you with depression and put you on medication, which is what happened with me.

Medication didn't work for me, I almost committed suicide for fecks sake, and I've been through I don't know how many shrinks and psychologists.

I can't tell you too much, because I don't really know. I know that my last breakdown, I called it a breakthrough, because that's who it felt. It felt like both. The breakdown part of it though, was terrifying.

Religion is at the root of it for me.

Right, it's no biggie, though I have allowed it to be a biggie in my life, but at Shit School a priest told me that I'd been sent by Satan to do the Devil's work.

That's it. That's all. No priest ever touched me physically. Just wounded me at a time when I was experiencing major teenage turbulence of the emotional kind.

Good. I've admitted it now. To the world.

God says (in Conversations with God bk 21 p 80):
Religion asks you to learn from the experience of others. Spirituality urges you to seek your own.
Religion cannot stand spirituality. It cannot abide it.

On page 247 God says: Return to Sprituality. Forget about religion.

This is good for me even if priests don't like it. I cried in my bathroom this morning when it crossed my mind that when I email the school to say I'm coming, because I'm going to do that, the teacher that remains that I saw on the website may recall me and say that I am barred from the chapel and am not allowed to enter. You know, because "God doesn't want you there...."

Stupid I know but I didn't know this morning and different fears are rising all the time.

I have to lighten up or I'm going to have another breakdown for fucks sake.

Hey stiggers..Are you Satan and me the Devil or am I the Devil and you Satan? It's always really confused me....ha ha ha! Brilliant, found it this morning.

Reboot is the label I used after my breakdown though at the time so much was flying through my mind and I was too scared to write because I was afraid I was going mad. Teaching is a label I used to explore spiritual stuff but when I started the blog did not want to admit I was a spiritual person. If I had, the label would read 'spiritual stuff'.

God, you really do learn as you go along...

What you resist persists so accept

What? That I've been sent by Satan to do the Devil's work or that I'm doing just fine with my kind of spirituality?

You know the answer


Anonymous said...

Frankly.....I'd say that something is fundamentally wrong with the priest that they can even consider saying that to someone who's a teenager and going through that angst. Nuns, priests etc aren't so supposed to be the doorskeepers to God..that's a ridiculous and in my mind human imposed notion. I don't think, from my memories of RC religion classes ....even though hell fire and brimstone ones taught to us by that teacher with a glass eye, where does does the Bible say anything say that in it?. I don't like to say that this but frankly this sort of mindset reminds me of stuff uttered by Presbyterian Prostantants and their (bizarre in my mind) notion of who and who isn't the Elect. This attitude drives me bats and whilst I'm not a practising Catholic anymore...(left years ago) hearing it makes me furious that there are some on this planet who believe that they have the right to say who and wehther the rest of us can or cannot 'enter heaven etc..This is claptrap, not at all ethical or morally correct. It's just wrong. This priest was into control...and nothing more.

Stigmum said...


Yes and it angers me that some priests still pedal this kind of rubbish, and worse. The catholics have just re-translated their liturgy so good job you left. Jesus went to hell now, according to them, then rose up to heaven.
They teach fear. I'm agnostic now. Religion has turned us all into agnostics and athiests. I have to say I do find that quite funny although it's not if you are not at peace with who you are.
It makes me very angry too, that people in positions of religious power, who you are supposed to be able to trust, can judge us the way they do, hurt us the way they do, and do it all in the name of 'God'.
Like I say in this piece, I wasn't even hurt that badly, so can you imagine those who were?