Friday, 4 November 2011

When you are forced to confront what you don't want to

"What you resist, persists."

I left my Conversations With God book 1 with my mother so can't give you page number or anything, just the recommendation it's a good book.

It's true though, what God says, in that book. What you resist persists.

Last night I saw on facebook that a guy in my old class at school had added me to the "Class of.." page.

Three years ago, when his friend had found me on facebook, I was invited to join and well, the tremors and shakes and loss of appetite and headaches, always, headaches, I didn't accept. Why would I? Why would I, even symbolically, align myself with a place that made me so unhappy? No!

My posting that I might go to this reunion may have something to do with my being added to the Group now. I don't know, I'm not asking, I'm not saying anything, I'm just letting it be.

All the memories are coming up again; the dententions, the bullying, the religion. I push it all down because to allow them to come, well, makes me cry if I'm lucky.

In my heart I know I should thank that guy for adding me to that Group. It is a kind thing to do and he means well by it.

I have to go back to that school, I have to face the possibility that there will be girls there I don't want to see, because I've got nothing to say to them. I could go back to that school when there is no chance there will be any old pupils there, like this Sunday but I just want to deal with it all and be done with it. Do that or else delete those I accepted as friends from my facebook page because otherwise what's the point of them being there?

The soul speaks to you in feelings. Listen to your feelings. Follow your feelings. Honor your feelings.
Why does it take so much time to create the reality you choose? This is why: because you have not been living your truth.
Feelings are the language of the soul. And your soul is your truth

(Conversations with God book 2. Page 14/15)

What you resists persists
Confront it
and keep breathing

If I let the memories surface maybe good ones will come up too.
I need to be strong when I get there because to be honest with you, I'm terrified.
I don't want to have any kind of break down infront of anybody. I don't want to be all shy and awkward and stuttery in front of anybody, I don't want the act of putting on a brave face to to, I don't know...
I want to be myself, but not the self who is writing this right now.

I will of course, let you know how it goes - Really Good, Good, Shit, Really Shit

If it is Really Shit though, don't let that put you off attending your own if that's what you feel you have to do for whatever reason your subconcious wants you to decide.

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