Missing my son 2006

Sitting upon Hampstead Heath July 1st 2006

I feel pain
I should be used to it by now
And feel joy
But it's the same feeling of something
heavy expanding inside me
The pen not working properly fucks me off
like it's allowing my pain to breath
live
Not flow out until I'm empty.

I should feel happy
But I can't control my heart
Reaching out to him
envying the fun he's going to have
his little hand in his father's.
I want to be part of his happiness
To witness his joy

I get the grind
I get the joy too
alot
I'm lucky
My pain its borne of love
Love is the truth
I should feel grateful