My molar is fractured.
After all that root canal work the tooth has to come out.
I didn't look after myself properly - things are falling apart.
"You must have bitten on something," said the dentist.
The tooth was so weak after all those appointments.
He tried to save it. He really did try to save it.
"A waste of my time," he was not happy today. A reward for a dentist completing root canal work is saving the tooth. "We could have done an extraction at the beginning. Many dentists won't do root canal work under the NHS."
So Costly (the first dentist of my emergency appointment told me immediately the tooth would have to go. My dentist didn't, he told me it could be saved)
In our mini tussle of who's been more hurt by this event, he acquiesed that I "bore the brunt of it". I'm sorry dentist that my root canal was a waste of your time, I truly am, but I've lost a tooth now. There'll a big fuck off gap where a molar's meant to be.
How much is a restoration? How much is a white one? On so many symbolic levels I want a white one for this. Pretend that my tooth is still there so I don't get afraid of losing the others. I judge myself so harshly too. Years of being judged by others, isn't it time I let it go? Let myself go?
If I go privately (installments?) and have a white restoration, my dentist will do the work.
So redundant the question I asked myself as I tearfully left the surgery:
If I'd gone private, would this have happened?
There you have the answer.