Master at Zen Boot Camp was pushing us all yesterday.
We were an odd number and Mistress La Francaise came up to me and said "Shall we be partners?" Oh yes!!
Mistress Psychic stared at the Master: "Do I have to go with you?" You're Fearless now Psychic!
I was relieved it wasn't me.
"Come on Fist of the Northern Star," said the Master as I struggled with the backwards kick.
I wanted to tell him my temporary filling had come out the night before and that I had a hole in my tooth which was distracting me but I thought NAH, don't say that, just do your best.
It was when we were punching and kicking the punch bags. I usually love this but I had no, I don't know, strength.
I thought the Master had called Time so I stopped and he looked at me and said (well shouted, big hall, far away) something "..wonder..long..resolve..housing."
My eyes pricked. My fists did not clench. Mistress Mountain told me later what he said because it was niggling me.
I found myself though and I punched holding those weights and I lifted that pole up to my shoulder with no help.
The other Mistresses helped me remember the defence techniques when we later reviewed all those.
"We worked on mental strength today," said the Master at the end. "I know we did alot of physical strength but I'm going to keep doing mental strength exercies with you because it's important."
I want to sink into my dark dark hole.
Next week, while the gum is healing and I feel the gap in my mouth, I will want to sink into my dark dark hole. I am frightened I will sink into my dark dark hole.
My son my sun my son I can't.
I want to say for my sake too but I don't feel it right now.
But you, if ever you feel yourself sinking into your dark dark hole
LET THE THOUGHTS PASS