Reading my redemption?

I've not been able to read a book in months. Months and months and months. I love them but I can't concentrate on them.

The last four days, I've gobbled up two.

Heading to my parents last Friday for my nephew's christening, I spotted Angels in my Hair by Lorna Bryne, sitting beneath a half a dozen books I haven't read yet. My hairdresser lent it to me over a year ago.

At the church where my nephew was christened, where my son also did his Holy Communion, there were three copies of The Shack, by WM Paul Young, sitting on a table. I asked the priest if I could borrow one, saying it might be a year before he sees it again.

I believe in angels, never having seen any. Lorna Bryne's been seeing them since she was two. So simply told her tale, it was a beautiful confirmation for me (and Lorna, it's why I don't see them... If they told me I had my husband on borrowed time, it would be all I would think about where as you accepted it and didn't think about it and you're amazing).

The Shack? I recommend that too. More a biography, unlike Lorna's auto biography, it tells the story of a man, Mack, with a shattered past, whose daughter is abducted, presumed murdered after her bloodied dress is found in a shack in the american Oregan wildnerness. Four years later Mack gets a letter inviting him back to the shack for the weekend, apparently from God.

My sister in law had read it and said because others had told her it was fantastic, she didn't find it all that great. I thought I'd keep an open mind.

Oh there is a kingdom I would love to be in, a place of such serene beauty, this desolate place transformed by God's touch. Mack meets The Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. He accepts Jesus, he accepts Sarayu, the Holy Spirit. He is angry and blames God, despite warming to Him (who appears as a woman, which I liked!)

A learning experience for me, thinking all the while of Ben Needham and Madeleine McCann, of their parents. Mack gets the closure he is seeking and much more. How can they, their children still out there somewhere?

Hard, hard lessons to learn, today it turned me upside down, as I tussled not with God, but with Jesus. I read the book pretty rapidly laughing at moments, being relieved at times, then crying my eyes out.

Angels followed by the Holy Trinity. Good order to read them in I reckon. Led by those I feel comfortable with, to those, to those I....

When I'm rehoused, what's going to become of me? I'd surrender now to a more spiritual way of life but I'm still too frightened of what the council will do with me and my son.

I can put my trust in God, in Jesus, hope for the best but the state has no soul. I'm finding it really hard to be Doris about all that, especially with new support worker coming round tomorrow and chatting to a dad earlier whose ex partner has told the council she's staying with a friend and has been given 250 extra points, bringing her up to 700 and viewing properties. Me, I get fuck all for facing eviction.

Anyway, I've been chatting to my Palm crucifix, and also the 'light up' Jesus and 'temparature changing' Mary my friend Chus bought me for a joke years ago. In mine and my son's new house, I'll make a little alter for them.

If you read the books will they effect you as much as they did me? Perhaps not but definitely worth your time if you have some available.

Enjoy! They are enjoyable!