Issy and I stayed at Annie's last night. Brilliant girly day with them today! We parted company at about 3pm and I went along with Issy to the World's End, because she lost her purse at its sister club - The Underworld - and was hoping it had been handed in.
"Oh it's the trouble maker," says the bouncer as we approach. I was of course wearing the same red dress as I had been hours earlier so pointless keeping my head down. Face the music my dear!
Walking into the pub, the barman says: "Oh look! It's the bad-ass girl!"
Oh God, what did I do in there???
The Underworld, I know.
I'd had a couple of beers at Annie's, then the three of us had a drink in World's End. I'd had two more in The Underworld when I decided to pop out for a moment with Nico Teen.
When I've had a bit to drink, Nico Teen can make me a bit dizzy. I stubbed it out and swayed back to the club's entrance.
"You're drunk, you can't come back in," says the bouncer.
"I'm not drunk, I've just had a cigarette and I'm a bit dizzy. I'm not drunk, honest!" Fortunately I did not hiccup as I said this.
"You can't come back in. Leave."
"But my friends are in there! My jacket!"
The exchange went on a little while after which I thought I'd shut up, and wait patiently, so he would see that I was not drunk.
Issy then came out. "Look, look my friend!" I said to the bouncer. He ignored me.
I chatted to Issy and some guy she was with. Surely he could see I was not drunk! Then Issy went back in and still, the bouncer wouldn't budge. I asked to speak to his manager. He said I couldn't. I pleaded. He wanted me to LEAVE. I tried to go back into the club and he picked me up and plopped me back onto the pavement.
It was all rather humiliating, so I thought I'd make my humiliation complete. I started to shout. I started to shout to all of Camden Town.
"I AM NOT FUCKING DRUNK! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO TO PROVE IT? WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE? I CAN WALK IN A FUCKING STRAIGHT LINE!"
Then the manager appeared and I told her I was a single mother who rarely drank and when I did cigarettes made me dizzy. "I'm not drunk!"
She said I could go back in and I said to the bouncer: "Please don't man handle me like that again."
Then three bouncers, one of whom was the guy we saw this morning, tried to block my entry.
"What have I done now??"
"You don't talk to our staff like that."
I turned to the man handle bouncer and said: "I said PLEASE."
He nodded to his three colleagues and into the club I went. Bought myself a vodka shot to congratulate myself and drank no more.
The bouncer this morning smiled when he said: "Oh it's the trouble maker!"
"I'm not a trouble maker," I said in my, um, fragile defence.
We chatted for a while, he said they realised I was polite then when Issy told him I was a single mother he said it was good that I go out sometimes and have fun but I should get some... and here made a motion with his hands.. and said: "You know what I mean? Release the tension!" I was quite speechless!
We go into the pub and I tell Issy I'll buy us half a pint each.
"Oh look, it's the bad ass girl!"
I know what I'd done, but had I done more????
"I remember you from last night," said the barman. "I must have served a thousand people, but I remember you."
"What did she do?" asked Issy.
"We were really busy, and she waited, for ages, really patiently."
"I worked in a bar once. I know how hard it can be," I mumbled.
"How did you two meet?" he asked Issy.
"We did a masters together."
"What did you do?"
"Anthropology? What's that?" he asked me, as Issy had looked away for a minute.
"The study of society, society and culture. You know, drunk mothers and stuff!"
He smiled. "What's your favourite group of people?"
"Do you believe all people are equal?"
"I wish tbey were, I hope for it, but I know it doesn't exist."
He charged us a pint, for the two halves, tried to convince us to stay for a shot but I told him I was out of cash. We high fived, then me and Issy left. She back to Brixton and me back here.
Yes, last night I was the single mother on benefits stereotype. I tell you this incase word ever gets out that I am a lush.
I'm not, but last night I walked a very fine line. I wobbled only slightly, heh heh!