Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Sitting in the dark

The past couple of days I've been rescued, saved by people I didn't ask to rescue or save me.

My electricity cut out. I was facing the prospect of spending the evening sitting in the dark. I didn't really mind that prospect at the time but... fate had other ideas!

I see my neighbour while I'm outside with Nico Teen and she invites me in to share a bottle of wine. Says my son can watch a dvd in her room. I'm hoping he'll fall asleep while doing so because it's 8pm, he's usually in bed by then. We drink, we chat, we drink, we chat. It's nice.

My mate Charlie texts while I'm there asking if he can come round with a take-away and a couple of beers. Sure but I'm ok for food! I leave my neighbour because by 11pm, my son has not fallen asleep and well, there's school the next day.

Charlie comes round and by torch light we chat, we drink, we chat, we drink until 2am when he goes home.

He says if the electrics aren't back on the following night, to crash at his. I say I'll be alright. "It'll prepare me for living in a fucking hostel when me and my son will be sharing a cell."

Yesterday a supplier came but because an electrician couldn't come until today, we faced another night of getting a take-away and sitting in the eerily silent flat, in the darkness with a torch for me.

I tell my son that Charlie's said we could stay at his and my son says "yes mummy, i'm cold."

That's decided then. I text my friend and decide to take my son out for dinner.

In the freezing, lashing rain I cycle him to Pizza Express. He's a joker even when it's just us two, larking about in restaurants! I thought it was just like that with other kids!

I pop to the loo and when I come out he's chatting to a friend I've not seen for ages. She berates me for not texting her, we can always stay at hers. "Your mummy never asks for help," she says to my son. "What should your mummy do when she's in trouble?" "Call her friends," says my son. "That's right!"

I cycle my son to Charlie's. He's got to go back out to work but his friend is staying over. I put my son in bed and we settle down and watch a DVD together.

Have you see Seven Pounds? Watch Seven Pounds. It's brilliant, it's heart breaking. It's layered and deep. Will Smith is in it as a man who goes round doing incredible acts of kindness for people. I did weep, as did Charlie's friend!

Tonight the leccie's back on. Charlie did invite us to stay another if it wasn't.

If I ever go to a hostel, I will sit in the dark so my son can get to sleep.

But I'm not going to a hostel. I'm going to fight the flipping choices we're being given to the end.

The State as landlord might not be perfect but it's second to my winning the lottery for getting my son a stable home. I am done, I AM DONE with the private sector.

I am not done with any of my friends though. Thank you for your kindness these past couple of days xxx


beingmumbeingme said...

So hard to ask for help I know but you have to learn how to do it more, think of it as giving your friends a chance to feel good about themselves!!
Hope things warm up for you soon x

Stigmum said...

Thanks beingmumbeingme! This morning I started as I hope to go on and asked a couple of dads if they'd take my boy when I have to go to a work thing in a couple of weeks (oh those inset days, how do you working mamma's cope?)They'll still be away they said but I shan't give up or maybe I will but I hope I don't have to! The leccie's back on so hoping my life follows suit and starts flowing again soon! Take care xxx