No, not really
Well yes, yes I am
I am afraid of myself
That's ok though. After all, who isn't afraid of being happy, joyful, positive thinking, all that good stuff?
I have failed to sustain my good feelings from monday's seminar, from before monday's seminar actually, I've had good feelings since my son's birthday. Fragile at first but getting stronger every day.
Then suddenly, boof, the bubble bursts and I can't laugh at my 'Oh the draught' as my debt gets higher and higher. I am still paying my electricity charge at £40 a week and it was cold last night and I'm afraid now at how expensive the winter will be if last winter cost me £600 for three months with those fucking storage heaters. Excuse my language. I know this is happening to alot of us.
I'm in arrears with my son's piano lessons and I get a concession. If I pay it off £20 a week over a month that means £60 is coming out of my account each week when my jobseekers allowance is £65. I'm lucky I can live on tax credits and child benefit but that doesn't cover...
God is in all of us.
It is worth believing that because God is light and love
and those of us with tough lives have to lighten up and love ourselves a little. Love ourselves alot really but some of us can only manage a little and that's ok to be going on with.
We all have an inner voice buried deep beneath some shite of self castigation and worries about tomorrow and general unhappiness and self judgment.
Sometimes when you feel really shit is when you find that God in you
It's when you find YourSelf
Other people don't have to feel really shit in order to feel that deep down they're ok really. Their deep down feeling has risen to the fore and they live their okness and their brilliance, and their superness, and their greatness, because that's what ok is, everyday.
I don't want to start banging on about God because it annoys me when other people do
Why does it annoy me when other people do?
Maybe I'm denying myself all those lovely feelings by thinking bills and homelessness and jobseekers and shit.
I am going to forget about all that and I am going to follow God
Which is to say that I am going to follow Me
Like you follow You or should if you're not already following yourself.
I've asked Stiggers why I have to write shite like this
and it's because it's not easy in this world to say you believe in God
because then you have to live It
I guess this post is for people who struggle
I want to say it's hard to go from living in one way to another
but I know it's really easy.
You just need to
Just like all the books and teachings say.
Be aware of yourself Now
Right, I'm off to lighten up!!
(oh, and I don't like the death and dying website I gave you in an earlier post but I won't delete it from there just incase you might!)