Confessionals

I was perusing my blog last night after posting how energised I was feeling that morning. Bloody hell! It's all fear, paranoia, anxiety, anger, very 'antichrist' like thoughts (the film I went to see about grief and pain....) particularly under the 'housing - government and council' label.

It's like a flipping confessional! What I realised though in that grey darkness of mid night tea time, was that when I go out, whereever, I push all those feelings aside. I have to or I will isolate myself more than I already have done. I cleanse, tone, moisturise my face, little bit of mascara, little bit of lip gloss, a few drops of Rescue Remedy under my tongue, and I'm off!

But these feelings, sometimes I think I'm carrying all the voices of all the families I met when doing my Masters research, these feelings have to come out somewhere and they come out here!
(No there shouldn't be an exclamation mark but Stigmum shoved that in)

So yeah, I did say 'follow me if you have the stomach for it' and I don't blame you if you don't, for I'm having trouble following me...

I am in a dark place, housing wise, but it comes in waves. Stigmum in the hostel, she said that to me: "Comes in waves" so I'm not the only one. There is value somewhere in sharing all this.

Dishy Shrink told me to ring the clinical psychologist I missed my appointment with and see if I could get an appointment. He said it was unlikely, but to try. I tried and as you know, I'm going for that 2nd assessment in a couple of weeks.

Always look on the bright side of life ey? (Monty Python)

But I have to tell you I also had a wierd dream last night. You can picture the scene by the song that accompanied it:

The owl and the stigmum went to sea
In a terribly rusty boat
The owl said to the stigmum listen to me
Don't drown you've got to float

I was clinging onto the sides in a cracking storm. The owl was a tawny one.