According to my support worker, the council "won't budge" on its refusal to house me because they will see that if I am able to bid, then I am "healthy", and because of the emails I write, they will perceive me as "articulate". Healthy and articulate mothers therefore are not allowed a secure home to raise their children.
I showed him Pathmead's letter saying it was obtaining a possession order and he couldn't understand it. "There's no date on it, when is it going to happen?"
"Soon, they'll fast track the court order," I said, knowing this of course because it's Groundhog Day.
He told me once again that when the order comes, the council will look at the composition of my family, and as I am a single mother, will put me in a hostel. Ah, the rage, internally combusting because it wouldn't do to SCREAM.
"What have you done wrong mummy?" interrupts my son.
"I don't know but they are punishing me for something. You on the other hand have done nothing wrong and they are punishing you too."
I told my support worker, when I nipped out onto the balcony for a fag, that if it weren't for my son I would end this journey once and for all. "I've enough pills that swallowed down with vodka I could finally go to sleep and see the end of this."
He of course is impotent. "We've tried every avenue, I just don't know what to do now."
I don't know what to do either. As you know reader, I've tried fucking everything; prime minister, mp, councillors, doctors, lawyers. What more can I do? Drugs, drugs, does anybody have any drugs? I want to be Stigmum in the sky with diamonds:
Picture myself on a boat on a river
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Stigmum she calls me, I answer quite slowly
The mum with kaleidoscope eyes
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green
Towering over my head
Look for the mum with the sun in her eyes
and she's gone
Stigmum in the sky with diamonds
Stigmum in the sky with diamonds
I wanna be
Stigmum in a sky with diamonds
Oh pleeeeeeease
(The Beatles won't mind us playing with their song, I hope)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment