I might be moving close by?

I've been feeling a bit under the weather these past few days and feeling absolutely defeated about life this evening I went to the residents meeting. My "Notice Requiring Possession" in hand, I thought I'd ask Mr Gray for help. He has contacts in the council. I've fought, fought, fought alone but now I can't. I want someone to fight for me. Housing is my Death Eater and to think of it sucks my energy with tremendous force. That's why I've been feeling so defeated, if you've been wondering. I want to give up but right now, for example, it's late, but I hear my son coughing in his sleep. My son, my sun, my son, I can't give up. Defeated I've forgotten how not to give up.

Mr Gray tells us all Mr King is coming along later to talk about security issues. Mr King is a councillor. I've given up on councillors. The news makes me abit unhappier, if that is possible.

Mr Gray chairs the meeting and it's through one ear and out of the other I'm afraid although I do pipe up when the subject is anti social behaviour and tell everyone about the fire incident two weeks ago. The council has one outdoor camera up for grabs for one of five different estates. Will we get it? Only if ours is the most crime ridden. You don't want a camera on that basis but you want one because there is crime.

Then talk swings round to two people in the block who have left recently. Two two bedroom flats are currently empty. My heart sinks rather than swells but remember, I've been playing this game a long time now.

I give Mr Gray my "Notice Requiring Possession". He is shocked to discover that mine is an "Assured Shorthold Weekly Periodic Tenancy." Everyone is quite shocked. He tells me to get a solicitor. This I was going to do next week anyway (boy back at school, have time then) but I still don't get excited when he tells me he knows someone. My problem may be I've got too excited in the past. Hope has been extinguished.

I mention the two empty properties and how unpleasant it's going to feel in a few weeks when I put a bid on for one of them and someone else gets it. Yep, that's happened before. Quite a few times actually. I mean I wouldn't choose to live in Papier Mache Towers if I won the lottery say, but better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

Anyway, Mr King arrives and it turns out he's an executive on the housing board. I stare at him wishing I could articulate something, but nope, just keep staring.

As he introduces himself and what he does he mentions the Government withholding cash as he quickly skims the need to sell of a small number of properties.

"It's not a small number," interrupts a voice. Mine.
"I'm sorry?" he says.
"It's not a small number."
"It is, it's up to 500 properties, that's a small number."
"It's not a small number. There are 500, more than 500 homeless families, that could live in one of those."
"But it's for repairs to existing properties," he says, glaring at me. Oh! He thinks I'm a tenant waiting for the Decent Homes programme to knock on my door! Then rapidly says there's a surplus of temporary housing and that's mostly what they're selling. My mute button hits, damn it but another resident is there, a man, who moved into a studio here three weeks ago, from a hostel and he takes up my lead. Goodo goodo because I'm quite exhausted from my little outburst.

The conversation gets quite heated when Mr Gray interrupts and says that the reason "she (looking at me) feels so, erm, so passionate" is that I am a homeless family and I have in my hand a Notice Requiring Possession of my property. He's suggested a solicitor, can Mr King suggest anything different I might do?

Sadly for you Reader, Mr King talks to me but little reached me apart from "don't think I can pull strings for you" and I, knowing more that he won't pull, rather than can't, just says "It's been a long journey for me, so let's just say I don't feel....(where's the word, where's the word??) positive about anything" (wrong word but who cares...)

He tells me he'll get my details at the end. I whisper to my son that if he keeps making a blinding racket he won't have a birthday this year feeling profoundly guilty as I say it because he's not being that bad. It's late, he's bored, I'd be worse if I were six.

I shake Mr Kings hand at the end. He seems quite surprised as he takes my extended hand. I suppose it is quite surprising given I haven't enthused over a thing he's said, but then my experiences of border controls in Asia taught me plenty about 'saving face'. I clearly went on automatic pilot.

As we wait for the lift I ask Mr Gray if I can have the name of the solicitor and he says: "Wait a few days, wait for him to get back to you and see what he says. You said you wouldn't mind living here?"
"Well I bid for places close to his school," hugging my son to my legs.
"There are two empty properties here," he says with what I can only describe as a glint in his eyes.
"Yeah," a blank look in mine.

Wouldn't that be wierd though? Wouldn't it be WIERD? "We won't get a garden though" I tell my son as I kiss him goodnight.
"Oh," he says.
"But wouldn't it be wierd, to just move upstairs?!"

I am too defeated to hope but wouldn't it be great if the wheels of fortune started turning this evening. Wouldn't it just be fantastic to get a secure tenancy and know we don't have to move if we don't want to? (Although Mr Gray did ask if there were plans to demolish this block in a 'regeneration programme' and Mr King said "Not that I've seen")

Maybe there is a bit of hope there, that the wheels of fortune will turn. But wouldn't it be wierd if we ended up in a secure two bed here?! Very little surprises me about my life these days. I'll let you know.