Who's driving this?

Stigmum's starting to bug me! I swore that I would give myself a break from blogging this weekend, see it as a Monday to Friday job, concentrate on the person who matters in my life, get some sleep and smoke less (I smoke alot but Stigmum's worse! Or is it Stigmum smokes alot and I'm worse? Hmmm.)

Yep, once again, I see us as two separate people. She is tireless, cramming ideas into my head all night. I didn't take my notebook out with me today but there she is, forcing me to make sense of all the events so I can give it to you and let them go.

Meanwhile I have been feeling vulnerable (do I have to tell them this stigmum???), frightened and if you need an indication of the chaos in my mind, just come visit me in the flat. Stuff everywhere! Sink full of pots and plates begging to be washed! Now she's gone and dragged me out to blog tonight. I wanna sleep I wanna sleep!

SHE is in the driving seat, not me!

But then it is me, isn't it? Of course it's me. I am stigmum.

I do like stigmum. As an entity separate from me, she's only doing what's best for me. She is the wisdom that resides in us all.

Like now, I want to post what a beautiful day I had with my son, going to watch a free film, The Tales of Despereaux, at the Tabernacle in Notting Hill, then going to Portobello Market and eating a seafood platter on the side of the street, followed by a chocolate crepe perched on the side of the pavement. Coming home and being so knackered he let me sleep for an hour while he did a puzzle, then asking to play snakes and ladders which he won.

Phew, it seems I got that one in because she's saying stop, stop, stop!

Goodnight sweetheart
Til we meet tomorrow (no monday, please!)
Goodnight sweetheart
Sleep will banish sorrow (hope so!)

(Dean Martin is singing this as I quickly tell you that now you know my ethnicity, stigmum still has no creed, no colour, her name don't matter, she is there)

Goodnight sweetheart goodnight!