Sunday Night

I get home from being with Steve and immediately feel an atmosphere of threat in my home. I never feel it in my home. I never let the Foca in it so the walls don't get tainted with an argument, with his presence. It's my retreat; it's a safe place for me.

There's an email waiting for me. It's in my laptop. I want to go into my computer, see who's left a message for me on the dating site, but I don't want to see my ex, be anywhere near him. Probably best I don't visit the site; I wouldn't want to reply and I always reply. I'm not in the mood. I'm still angry and I'm very upset my son isn't asleep in the room next door.

Here is the transposed texts of the afternoon:

The Foca: 14:40. Please check your email. Can't bring back son back today. Have written to explain.
Me: 14.43. For fucks sake. Why not? Out of order. Friends say i should stop access but i don't want to punish my son like you do.

(My phone has clearly swallowed the one telling him I have replied to his email. Bring our son home tonight)

The Foca: 16.13. Replied to your email. Please let me know where you wish to meet to discuss this in person.
Me: 16.14. Not in the mood to talk to you you've made me so angry. Bring him back tonight.
The Foca: This is a conversation between two separated parents regarding what is in the best interest of their child. You anger and your attempts to bully with it have no place here. This is my last text only email from now. I will sit with my laptop and respond to all your emails. It is important that we are clear on what each other think so we don't argue in front of [our son]. He felt you were angry with him last time. I have assured him that is not the case.

I did not reply. FOCA. Father Of Child ARSEHOLE. Patronising SHITHEAD.
My email to you was clear enough.
I do not want you in my inbox.
I was angry with YOU the last time
I'm the bully huh? I'm still the fucking bully? I'm the one who sends a message hours before our child is due to be returned saying he's not coming back? And why? Because you can't be fucking arsed to make the journey.
TOSSER

The school. The school has access to family support services. I am not going to talk to this man on my own.

He has his wife, his sister, his brother and his sister in law no doubt backing him, for his sister in law certainly did when we split up.
I have no-one bar my friends who I do not want to lean on with this kind of SHIT.

I tried to watch television. I tried to focus on the good parts of the weekend. I tried to concentrate on "Small Island". I tried to stop the News from going in one ear and out of the other.

In the end I surrendered and went to bed.

So that was my weekend. Flipping fantastic and agonisingly awful. My son is not home.

The End

But it's not the end is it? Of all the threads I could've pulled from this weekend, why did I pull the short straw?