Women's Self Defence Demo

Up at the community centre PhyzBiz, my mate Charlie's brainchild, is running a Youth Empowerment Day.The Women's Self Defence Team are going to do a demo. Mistress in the playground reminded me about it on Friday and I thought I would go along and lend my support.

I arrive and in the main hall the music is pounding. Young boys are queueing to jump a vault and I think of my son.

I can't see the mistresses anywhere but see Charlie who takes me to them in another smaller hall. They are practicing and I notice they are an odd number; seven. Ah man, I'm not up for this.

Master Bazza comes up to me. "Do you have your uniform?"
"Yes, but I wasn't in the class on Thursday because I had flu and I can't remember all the techniques anyway and if I join in I'll just let the group down."
"Don't worry about it, just go and get dressed."

The cheerleaders are practicing their set next to us. The Master picks out two mistresses to do the techniques which they practice very quickly before Charlie comes in and tell's us we're on.

The mats are set out infront of the music decks. People are seated on benches and chairs around it. Why didn't I just do this; sit on a bench and watch?

The Master tells us to walk on in order of height. Mistress Psychic is the same height as me, Mistress Dancer a little taller. I sandwich between the two.

Two pairs do the kicking sequences. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE roundhouse kicks with the left leg. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE with the right. We do twenty in class. It's a killer I tell you.....Forward kicks to the groin ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE - change legs. Knee kicks to the groin ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE - change legs - change partners. Feel these women's power!!

Two pairs do the punching techniques. Even in my 'glory' days I'd lose focus and get hit in the face so it's not as easy as these Mistresses make it look. The Master partners Mistress Psychic for the "Beginners' Demo'.

I can only stand very still and pretend that nobody has noticed that I haven't done anything yet and I won't be doing anything later either.

The focus shifts to techniques.A pair demonstrate the SLAP SMASH WOLLOP - slap the assailant with your palm then bring your elbow round to smash them in the cheek and on your arm's return, wollop them on the other cheek with your fist.

Another pair do the Pukey Pukey.

"There are three soft parts of the body that you can use to defend yourself," explains the Master. "The eyes, the soft area at the base of the neck and the reproductive organs."

The last pair throw one another to the ground. "Oooooooooooooooh," murmur the crowds.

"You can even defend yourself when you are on the ground," says the Master. "Being on the ground is not a defenceless position."

The Mistresses demonstrate. It involves destabilising their leg so you can push them over and in a real life situation run like hell. We were doing this two weeks ago in class.We all get in line, extend our arms infront of us and put our fist to our palm. Show's over.

The Mistresses head down to the pub but I have plans to go out in Putney. Putney! Miles away! I go home to eat and to figure out how I'm going to get there.At the time, I was not going to post this because I was abit embarrassed that I didn't 'do' anything. The weekend took such unexpected turns though that I thought at some point to tell it all.

Writing this, I realise I shouldn't be embarrassed. I'm part of that Self Defence group. I may not be any good now but that doesn't mean I never will be. The Mistresses proved that to me.