I'm used to these sleepless nights at the moment. I knew going to bed early would anticipate them but I need the rest.
Last night a fear gripped me. Annie Lennox was singing "Who's that girl?", a great track but I was thinking of the 'media interest' in my appearance in the local rag's political story.
Earlier that day, post posting, post rest, I went for a walk. I was feeling very lightheaded and well, thinking about God. (I am over the religious trauma of my teens by the way; I've spoken to 'good' priests about it since)
Once home, I finally read last week's 'free paper', the anger at the council flat sell off's, and it bought me back down from my strong desire to fly.
In my dreams I'm flying again though. It's feels so nice, so peaceful and that's when the fear gripped, "I need to stay grounded" and I got up and I wrote down why I was doing this. Why I was letting the paper tell my story.
I ended it: "Britain is on its knees because the voices of its people are not being heard."
I went back to bed, and when my son woke up (in a bit of a hissy fit for some reason) he said:
"Mummy, why are you sleeping like that?"
My left leg was cocked up with my right ankle sitting on my knee. I rarely remember dreams but I do remember thinking "because I've got stay grounded."
Because of this I'm telling you now: I can't be a voice for the people. I can't even command a class of 30 children for goodness sake - an experience in Japan.
No, as a person, I'm best one on one. I'm best as interviewer, not interviewee.
What can I say, you learn things when you're rebooting....